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Christine98 Profile
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Hypothetical


Burial or cremation?

Think of it as a contingency plan.
Just off to one side; sounds of bathers
on the beach, coming through the window.
Consider it glancingly:

Burnt or buried?

quicklyquicklyquickly
write it down

Followed by something festive, such as:

"End service with,
Satchmo At Symphony Hall,
Sunny Side Of the Street."

They'll need to know
it's what you wanted

Sealed envelope
No second thoughts.

Last edited by Christine98, Jul/12/2010, 2:53 pm
Jul/12/2010, 11:55 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Hi Chris,

What a surprise this poem is! I like the tone and the way you have cast the "hypothetical" in such a way that the reader has no choice but to follow along. Sneaky but in a good way. Serious but in a way that is palatable. Good touch, this:

"They'll need to know
it's what you wanted"

Two minor suggestions that aren't at all necessary:

quickquicklquickly

No second thought(s).

I was put in mind of an article I saw linked to on another board:

"Belgium's plan to wash its dead down the drain: Bodies would be dissolved in caustic solution... and flushed into the sewer"

Read more:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1292778/Belgium-considers-proposals-dissolve-bodies-flush-sewage-systems.html?ITO=1490#ixzz0tUrxaD1Q

Oh no! More options. But I digress.

Nicely done. I enjoyed the read. Thanks for posting.
Jul/12/2010, 2:17 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Thank you, Kat. I've incorporated your second
suggestion...thinking about the first.

Off to read the article. Thanks again.

Chris

ps: OK, I read the article. Might have to re-write the poem. It feels so retro now.

Last edited by Christine98, Jul/12/2010, 3:01 pm
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pjouissance Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Hi, Christine,

The alliteration really adds to this poem, C, the Bs abd Ss are used so well and sound so good...there's careful polishing here.

Oh, you don't need to change the poem, though it is strange and creepy to think that there would be a third big disposal method one could choose, dissolving it with chemicals.

I also appreciated the witty style.

Thanks for the posting, C,

Auto
Jul/14/2010, 2:03 am Link to this post Send Email to pjouissance   Send PM to pjouissance
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Thanks Auto,

Glad you liked this. That third method; it is strange and creepy to contemplate, isn't it?

Chris
Jul/14/2010, 12:09 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Oh, Chris, I love this (didn't see the original). Great gallows humor.
Jul/16/2010, 4:24 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


What a nicely realized poem, and the second poem of yours I've read in the last several days that has struck me as whole, standing on its own, and set in relief. I am coming to it late so I too did not read the original. What truly makes the poem is the ellipsis with which it ends, a Dickinsonian touch. Nope. No glitches.

Tere
Jul/17/2010, 2:13 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Thanks Tere and Libra,

The edit was just the last line; from Not a second thought, to, No second thoughts.

Thanks again,

Chris
Jul/17/2010, 6:28 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Christine98,
The cleverness of this poem is that our death is there in the itchy, irritating contemplation of the decisions that will be made, have to be made, at some point. I have this ideal of my older brother, maybe not a realistic one, but of this character who doesn't worry about these things. He goes fishing, he's been in real shooting war. Yet, your poem brings me down to crossing the t's and dotting the i's about very real questions that will come up. This poem has something deep about it; it is succinct, too. Thanks, Zak

 



Last edited by Zakzzz5, Jul/21/2010, 8:20 am
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Christine98 Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Thank you, Zak. Sometimes I write about myself and get lucky, others identify. Say, your brother and your "idealization" of him sound like a fine subject for a poem.

Chris
Jul/21/2010, 10:19 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
mlle Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


a part i enjoy best about this poem as a whole is that i got the sense of small spaces/containment from the structure. i also was thinking about the scattering of ashes being mimicked by the cohesive but line-fragmented thoughts... fragmented like a funeral program's typed out arrangement might be. by the time we get to "sealed envelope" i do feel like the poem exists in a very thin space, a thought that may become tangible as whispered instructions that only fill one page of correspondence paper.

and great edit! very best, jojo
Jul/22/2010, 12:52 pm Link to this post Send Email to mlle   Send PM to mlle
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Hypothetical


Thank you, jojo, what a thoughtful response.
Welcome to dm. I'm looking forward to reading your work whenever you're ready to post.

Chris
Jul/22/2010, 1:34 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 


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