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SallyMaria Profile
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Jigsaw




Jigsaw


You fly through dream-worlds
leaving others to clean your house,
to put together the thousand pieces
strewn on the floor.

It’s a cheap puzzle with rough edges.
So many pieces the same.
We try them here and there,
push them in place, and
eyes emerge from the garden,
a small dog has wings,
and we know it’s not right.

There is no big picture to work from.
One thinks it’s a cafe - outside tables
and white linens, t smells of chicory,
fresh beignets.

I see a train leaving a trail
of steam. Mile after mile of track
that shapes to hills and over bridges.
It speeds by those who wait at the station.

The flat edges are easy;
blue on blue, mud to mud,
corners with two flat sides.
The problem is knowing what
goes in the middle,
knowing you’ve hidden
some of the pieces.
Nov/25/2008, 10:29 am Link to this post Send Email to SallyMaria   Send PM to SallyMaria Blog
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: Jigsaw


I still like this one Sally. It's so visual and I like how it drifts into dream. Don't know if I have much to offer but...

Jigsaw//I know you like simple titles. This would not draw me in though.


You fly through dream-worlds
leaving others to clean your house,
to put together the thousand pieces
strewn on the floor.//I like how this starts, a subdued anger. I wonder who the others are, and if the narrator is one of those others.

It’s a cheap puzzle with rough edges.//suggests the person was cheap in some ways
So many pieces the same.
We try them here and there,
push them in place, and
eyes emerge from the garden, //I like this image
a small dog has wings,//and this
and we know it’s not right.

There is no big picture to work from.
One thinks it’s a cafe - outside tables//not sure about shift from we to one
and white linens, t smells of chicory, //small typo. it
fresh beignets.

I see a train leaving a trail
of steam. Mile after mile of track
that shapes to hills and over bridges.
It speeds by those who wait at the station.//I don't know, but this might offer an opportunity for something more personal. Who is waiting? Is the narrator one of those waiting? What are they waiting for? Is this part of the anger? I don't know if you want to address any of this in the poem, but this is an opening for that

The flat edges are easy;
blue on blue, mud to mud,
corners with two flat sides.
The problem is knowing what
goes in the middle,
knowing you’ve hidden//sure about repeating knowing?
some of the pieces.//I like this ending, I understand this sort of hiding.
Nov/25/2008, 6:06 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
Patricia Jones Profile
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Re: Jigsaw


I like this one too...like it because it speaks to relationships, things we all are guilty of hiding...maybe not intentionally, but by learned behavior.


Pat

---
"Don't you worry--I ain't evil, I'm just bad".
~Chris Smither~
Nov/26/2008, 1:10 am Link to this post Send Email to Patricia Jones   Send PM to Patricia Jones
 
SallyMaria Profile
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Re: Jigsaw


X - Ahhhh, I don't know if I'll get used to this name. emoticon Thanks so much for the line by line. You know it isn't anger....more frustration, not knowing what to do.

The I'm afraid the "cheap" isn't coming across right. It refers to poor quality (inexpensive) puzzles - how they aren't cut as precisely, and they have too many pieces that are the same shape - differing only in color.

Some good suggestions - I'm gonna edit.




Pat - Thanks so much for reading. Yes it has to do with us who try to go behind others fixing things, or picking up pieces. I sometimes wish I was one who just didn't notice.
Nov/26/2008, 4:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to SallyMaria   Send PM to SallyMaria Blog
 


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