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Entropy poems


Here are three poems that got me in trouble on John Gallaher's blog.

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Entropy

Change occurs so quickly,
slowly, unexpected,
invisible in the timber rot and rust.
Inevitable yet so sudden.
One day the barn roof falls in!
The fender falls off of the tractor and
people turn to dust.
Energy pays the price
demanded by space,
but the cost of being is time.

Copyright 2008 – Softwood-Seventy- Eight Poems, Gary B. Fitzgerald


Senility

Now tarnished black like silver bars,
a few remaining ingots of gold,
long hidden in a vault of years
my hoard of memories, dull and hard,
become smoothed and worn
by the counting and the tears.

My treasure grows smaller every day,
pilfered by the thieves of entropy and time
and though its value undiminished,
much less in weight with each assay.
Once rich and full, this empty mine
much less in quantity, thoughts unfinished.

A priceless trove cruel age and mortality stole
and even yesterday has lost its shine.

Copyright 2009 – Tall Grass & High Waves, Gary B. Fitzgerald


The Forest Road

Everything conspires to end,
entropy stalks the wood;
fading light at every bend,
an unforgiving shadow-hid
roadside bandit demanding
toll and our destruction.

Perception almost drowned
in leaves, disguised by stillness,
exposed only by a whispered breeze.
Safe road. But there, ahead…
a roadblock…fallen trees.


Copyright 2011 – Mortal Remains, Gary B. Fitzgerald

Oct/8/2011, 12:43 am Link to this post Send Email to GaryBFitzgerald   Send PM to GaryBFitzgerald
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


Hi Gary,

Knowing how you feel about critique and in light of how you framed the discussion here, I am thinking it would better serve your purposes if this thread was moved to another, non-critique specific forum. Unless you are wanting both a critique of your poems as well as a converstation about your experience on Gallaher's blog, perhaps Chalkboard and Billboard, Field Notes or Ateliers, for example, would work better. Let us know which way you want to go, and we can move this thread of need be. Not trying to bust your chops, just wanting you to be able to use the board in a way that best meets your needs.

Oct/8/2011, 7:44 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


To help you decide about thread placement:

Chalkboard and Billboard

About the fourum
This is where creative types get to riff and run the voodoo down. Type to the screen. Create improv. games. Even show and tell. This is where poet and reader can feed off each other free of critics.

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Poetry Spectrum

About the forum
This spectrum is the forum where writers post their works, looking for critical comments and suggestions. Dialogue between writer and critic is encouraged. As are all the forms of poetry, traditional and nonce, and all the hybrids between poetry and prose imaginable.
 
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Field Notes

A Note on the Forum
I thought of calling the forum 'Let Us Now Praise Famous Men,' taken after Agee's and Walker's famous reportage on sharecroppers in Alabama during the Great Depression. Then I thought of calling it 'Life Studies,' and stealing from R. Lowell's collection of poetry that inaugurated the stuff of the so-called Confessional poets. One moniker would not have been readily understood. The other, and through no fault of its own, has accrued intellectual baggage. So Field Notes it is.
 
Reportage. Life Studies. Field Sketches. Journal Notes and Narratives. From Bagdad to Islamabad to the Australian outbacks to the dirty streets of any city to the roads of some current dharma bum to the mountains to the sea coast to the demilitarized zones under UN control in suburban homes... Life Studies & Field Sketches.
 
The forum has one rule, what is simply a matter of courtesy. No name identification of any individual living.
 
The forum looks to engage in a different kind of conversation than what is customary in a workshop setting. Here engagement is based on content, not on textual analysis.
 
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Ateliers

It's a Workshop
Here members can create their own workshops and studios for longer works, works in progress, collections, serially thematic pieces. Poetry, essays, novel chapters, art, musical compositions (in link)...It's all good. Members also get to set their own parameters on how their showings get spoken to.
 
Ateliers is a forum visible to registered members of the board only.

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Salon Chat

Welcome to Delectable Mnts
Chat away, my Darlings. This is the forum for Board Business, the Dew Drop Inn (where old members can hang out and new members can introduce themselves) and for conversation about anything that doesn't fit anywhere else on the board.
 
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Still not sure where to post? Tell us what sort of conversation/feedback/discussion you are looking to have on the topic. . . .

FYI that might interest you: When we were setting up the board and decided on the Chalkboard and Billboard forum, you were one of the online posters we had in mind for the Billboard part of the forum, because we knew you liked to post poems which have already been published and are not up for critique. Tere enjoys typing to the screen, so the Chalkboard part of the forum was designed for him and other improv lovers. We purposely included many non-critique forums, which actually caused a bit of consternation among some members early on, because we also want the board to be open to folks who don't write but who love to read and want to respond to a pieces as readers, not as critics. We also want the board to be a place where writers can respond as readers and not always have to don their critics' thinking caps.

Last edited by Katlin, Oct/8/2011, 8:15 am
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deepwaters Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


Gary-
In reading the post you point to, it seems like the poems did not get you in trouble. It was (not surprisingly) the attitude represented in your prose, in particular the following lines:

quote:


You gotta be shittin’ me! This poem by Robert Pinsky is horrible. Even worse than the Bly poem you recently posted.

.
.
.


.... Here are three poems I found regarding entropy that are much better than this one:

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Terreson Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


Gary, in all the time I've known you I've never known you to invite or welcome critical comments on your poetry. Not once. On the strength of which history I am moving the thread to the forum Chalkboard and Billboard. Poetry's Spectrum is specifically intended for the critic/poet dialogue. Not sure why you didn't post the poems in the other forum in the first place. Maybe for some it lacks in gravitas or something like that. As I post there regularly, looking for a different sort of dialogue, guess I lack in the same.

As for the three poems I find they make for an enjoyable read. Much that is image rich drawn out of the second law of thermodynamics. Good stuff.

For fun: [sign in to see URL]

I also went to the blog whose link you supplied. I can't see how it was the poems themselves that, as you say, got you into trouble.

Tere
Oct/8/2011, 2:18 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
GaryBFitzgerald Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


You guys have got me completely confused now, which brings us back to our recent debate about critique vs. criticism. I WANT response to my poetry, positive or negative. I want people to say: ‘This poem works for me. I like this poem.’ or ‘This poem makes no sense. I hate this poem.’ I made a similar statement here in the comment thread of my poem ‘On Becoming One With the Universe’ (which I can’t seem to find). I also encourage questions about my poems.

All I object to are the ‘re-writers’ (whom I have encountered on a number of sites…no names), those who say: “You should change the word ‘black’ to ‘blue’”, or “You should say ‘banana tree’ instead of ‘apple tree’”. [sign in to see URL] poem is finished, like it or not! Even William Logan and Joan Houlihan don’t try to rewrite a poem. They just say: I think this is good or I think this is bad and this is why. Does this make sense?

Also, I posted the link to Gallaher’s blog here so you could all read my ‘Mea culpa’. Not only does it have relevance to Gallaher’s blog, since I have openly criticized Robert Pinsky, John Ashbery and Robert Bly, but it is also sort of an “I’m sorry” for my recent outburst here at DM and, best of all, it is one of my most brilliant posts ever. emoticon

GBF
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Terreson Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


The confusion is in your mind, not mine. You want critique or crit, post in the Poetry Spectrum forum. But be prepared for the critical, exacting reading. Word to word, phrase to phrase, line to line. If you want any other response to your poetry then post here. Both ways are good.

Oh. Just to be clear. Your poem, On Becoming One With the Universe is still safely right here, on the forum. Scroll down and stop with the insuations. I will check you every time you make one such. You are looking for arguement. Take it up with our betters. Down here in the pit we just want the scream of rubber on blacktop.

Tere

Last edited by Terreson, Oct/9/2011, 12:12 am
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Katlin Profile
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Hi Gary,

Sorry for the confusion. The Poetry Spectrum "is the forum where writers post their works, looking for critical comments and suggestions." Since, as you say, "the poem is finished, like it or not!" and since suggestions might include possible word changes, etc., the Poetry Specturm is not the best place for you to post your poems. This forum, Chalkboard and Billboard, would be better, because here you can get responses to you poems but not critiques of them. The Field Notes forum might also work when you are seeking engagement "based on content, not on textual analysis." Ateliers, the studio space where members can determine the type of feedback they want, might also serve your purposes. If you post in Ateliers, you could state your feedback preferences: I WANT response to my poetry, positive or negative. I want people to say: ‘This poem works for me. I like this poem.’ or ‘This poem makes no sense. I hate this poem.’ And because we aim to honestly please, that's exactly the type of responses you will receive. emoticon
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Katlin Profile
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P.S. Here is the link to ]On Becoming One with the Universe. You can look for topics on the board by clicking on the "Search" link on the upper righthand side of the board.
Oct/9/2011, 8:57 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
GaryBFitzgerald Profile
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Re: Entropy poems


Dear Tere:

I’m beginning to think that one of your bees may have escaped and crawled up your butt. You seem to misinterpret everything I say. You’re either a little too defensive or maybe just getting a bit cranky in your old age. When I said:

“I made a similar statement here in the comment thread of my poem ‘On Becoming One With the Universe’ (which I can’t seem to find).” you replied:

“Oh. Just to be clear. Your poem, On Becoming One With the Universe is still safely right here, on the forum. Scroll down and stop with the insuations. I will check you every time you make one such. You are looking for arguement. Take it up with our betters.”

This is a fairly aggressive response to what was an innocent comment. I was, in fact, referring to my inability to navigate the forum due to my own digital incompetence and deficiency, but you concluded that it was some kind of snotty “insinuation”. Please stop assuming that my comments are intended to be negative. I am a very positive person. Nothing I say is ever meant to be rude, insulting or mean. When I make a statement you can take it at face value. You can confirm this by reading my comments on the post at Gallaher’s blog that I linked to above.

Here’s a story: since I left my job about two years ago I have let my beard grow and it is now about 14” long and my hair the same. People actually come up to me in the Supermarket and ask if I play with ZZ Top. I went to buy hay for my horses the other day and some redneck said: “Why, I figured that someone like you would be up at that there Renaissance Festival today.”

“Someone like me?” I said. “Can I ask you three questions?”

“Sure.”

“How many kids do I have?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do I do for a living?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s my last name?”

“I don’t know.”

“So what do you mean…someone like me? What do you know about me?”

“Nothing.”

Right!
Oct/10/2011, 12:27 am Link to this post Send Email to GaryBFitzgerald   Send PM to GaryBFitzgerald
 
GaryBFitzgerald Profile
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"Here’s a story: since I left my job about two years ago I have let my beard grow and it is now about 14” long and my hair the same. People actually come up to me in the Supermarket and ask if I play with ZZ Top."

Actually, I much prefer being compared to Walt Whitman.

 emoticon

Last edited by GaryBFitzgerald, Oct/27/2011, 9:22 pm
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