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Lower Ninth Ward
In the forum, Ateliers, I've posted my most recent collection, Bottom City Blues. The following poem was written on the Thursday following Katrina Sunday. I remember the day clearly. Finally there was the sound of movement. Helicopters and trucks. Also, eventhough I live only 50 miles out from N.O. the reports were finally coming out. My city was hit hard enough. But the disaster was only natural, not man made in addition.
Usually I can turn a critical eye on a poem within 5 years of its composition. Not this time. Ain't never going to happen. I think the poem gets to the enormity of the disaster in the way only a poem can - personally. I think it is clinical in its own way. But I can never know for sure if it works. Need help.
Lower Ninth Ward
The Big Easy, baby, just got easier.
Levee’s broke and my thighs know these dirty waters.
I can walk them and I can swing us through,
all the way through to street dry ground.
I got you raised in the promenade.
I got my chin as high as the sky.
I got my back. I got my thick legs walking.
I know I got you. To Chartres street soon.
Come on, children, and stop your fooling around.
Remember what I showed you.
How to swim to the man.
That’s all you need. What I taught you.
How to swim your way out of here.
See that now? He’s got his whirly-bird near.
Muddy bottom down, pulling on my arms.
He’s been my cradle. He’s going to be my grave.
Please, Mister, take my sweet baby’s body.
Keep her safe. Keep her high and easy.
Tere
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Apr/28/2012, 12:01 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
Hey Tere
This is quite exceptional and succeeds in the way your best work succeeds - through completely unique, strong voice and word choice that to a large degree defies critical analysis. The internal world it creates is believable. No suggestions from me.
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Apr/28/2012, 9:15 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
What I see in this poem: integrity, honor, pride, love. Heroic resignation. A refusal of shame. A refusal to be diminished in a final act of grace, facing immolation. Even a kind of unintentional martyrdom to the schemes and lies of the oppressor. And that heroic love rising above all else, the way her body is lifted above the swirling waters. And all of the above existing in spite of:
quote: Come on, children, and stop your fooling around.
Remember what I showed you.
How to swim to the man.
That’s all you need. What I taught you.
How to swim your way out of here.
See that now? He’s got his whirly-bird near.
Prepared ahead to be abandoned, let down by those who should protect him, his children have been taught to save themselves at all costs, and "swim to the man." It's like a knife, reading that.
And then there is this poem's rich physical sense of the river over its banks, the familiar muddy waters, the quote: Muddy bottom down, pulling on my arms.
He’s been my cradle. He’s going to be my grave.
Familiar as a cradle, soon to be as familiar, in death. But the narrator keeps on walking, "chin as high as the sky."
Powerful and moving poem. Thank you for bringing it here from Ateliers.
vkp
Last edited by vkp, Apr/29/2012, 5:51 pm
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Apr/29/2012, 4:05 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
I'm reading this as I type a number of times and will come back with some feedback and cookies. God willing.
Last edited by Opie DeLetta, May/2/2012, 3:17 pm
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May/2/2012, 3:16 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
Hey Tere, I applaud the effort to capture a “personal” impression of the New Orleans tragedy. IMO this is a brave piece because the subject is so iconic and literally indelible in the mind. That fact makes it quite challenging to come up with something “new” or a minor revelation relating to the experience and the fallout socially, economically, spiritually, or personally.
One point that strikes me about this piece is the relative sparseness of imagery. And most of the imagery used is rather ordinary in relation to the vivid imagery we all remember from the TV reports etc. My first thought was this would benefit from some irony or surprise. Perhaps the piece is a bit to linear for such a non-linear event? Not sure…
I then got into my daily 30 minute heavy cardio thing – where I push my ticker to redline and just hope nothing pops, and another possibility came to me…
I’m thinking about an “extended juxtaposition” that merges our first landing on the moon with the events in New Orleans. Specifically, the comparative between such an immense accomplishment and the 3rd world nature of New Orleans so many years later. Like landing on the moon waste down in muddy water, etc.
Of course that would definitely create a hybrid of this piece and I’m not sure what your objective really is? But it just seemed to me the moon landing would be an interesting concept to play with…
After that, I splashed my face with some cool, clear water. Pausing for a second to make sure there was no mud.
Sorry for my rambling. I did enjoy the poem. And hope something in my comments is useful in some way.
Opie.
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May/3/2012, 11:59 am
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
To be clear. I'm reading everyone's comments. I'll soon respond. Thanks all for taking the time.
Tere
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May/3/2012, 7:15 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
send it to the New Yorker
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May/4/2012, 3:32 am
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
This is so painfully under-stated that it explodes on reading. The balance of non-sentimental/personal/social tragedy is staggering and somehow intensely private ...
I'm not describing my response very well, but there's something very cinematic about this and I almost felt uncomfortable watching ... which is a good thing, btw ...
I think it's gorgeous writing, not sure what else you'd like to "do" with it, Terreson ...
D
Last edited by daisy rain, May/6/2012, 12:47 pm
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May/6/2012, 12:47 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
This is beyond fine. Why would you possibly
need help? It's a poem that shines in every way.
I'm with Sam. Send it someplace worthy.
wow.
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May/8/2012, 12:05 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
Okay. Thank you all. Thank you very much. I've always thought it is a poem. Always thought it gets to what went down that week in a way to make the tragedy classic, which it was on so many levels. Just couldn't know.
Tere
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May/8/2012, 5:56 pm
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Re: Lower Ninth Ward
you could also expand this poem & pass it on to one of the blues jazz band - would make a wonderful song - excellent lyrics!
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May/9/2012, 4:11 am
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