Runboard.com
Слава Україні!
Community logo


runboard.com       Sign up (learn about it) | Sign in (lost password?)

 
Maria Divina Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
The amazing grace


Revision


1

The heroes are gone forever.
The boy who was your travelling
companion left too this morning.
I saw him leave, banging the door
behind his soul. How I love

the word soul. It grows on me
every day until everything's
a contradiction. The heroes
always die.

2

A fisherman reaches shore
after a storm and swears
never to go out to sea again.


3

Bombed houses fallen to pieces.
Carnival dreams of princes

and princesses. A cat on the edge
of a stone wall. We entered
the deep wood never
imagined before,

moonlight her violin.
How are you?
Where are you off to?

What is the meaning of soul?



4

Yes, I come from a big
family. True, the world's not
that big. No, I've never been
to Argentina. I am found.

In the closet, silence
swallows the seconds
after the end of a song.
Was I lost?





---


1

The heroes are gone forever.
The boy who was your travelling companion
left too this morning. I saw him leave,
banging the door behind his soul.

How I love the word soul.
It grows on me more every day

until everything's a contradiction.
The heroes always die.


2

A fisherman reaches shore after a storm
and swears never to go out to sea again.


3

It's all crazy--
it referring to the decision to ask

anyone who comes across
my meaningless/meaningful journeys
the meaning of soul.

Bombed houses fallen to pieces. Life.

Castles in carnival dreams of princes

and princesses. A cat on the edge
of a stone wall. We entered

the deep wood
never imagined before.


4

Yes, I come from a big
family. True, the world's not
that big. No, I've never been
to Argentina.

The dreams are in a closet
where silence wraps and swallows
the seconds after the end
of a song. I am found.

But was I lost?

5

Moonlight glitters in her eyes
as she plays the violin.

How are you?
Where are you off to?





.

Last edited by Maria Divina, Jul/13/2012, 3:04 am
May/1/2012, 4:46 am Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Hi Maria,

I love this poem. I loved it the first time I read it. I love that you use the word soul, not once, but three times in the poem, and I think you get away with it. I'm too delighted/tickled by the poem at the moment to critique it. Maybe someone else in more sensible shoes will come along and do that for you. emoticon
May/1/2012, 9:50 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Maria Divina Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Katlin

Your kind words warm my heart. emoticon

Thanks so much for your response to my poem. I'm really pleased you read more than once and enjoyed.


Maria
May/1/2012, 5:15 pm Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Maria Divina,

They may be wrong, but the literature I've been going through says this type of poem is postmodernist. And the contention would be based on the following attributes: 1) A disjointed structure; 2) Self-reference in the piece of art (the poem);and 3) Inclusion of physical pieces (or references) from the past, i.e., the castles.

It's a good poem. At first I thought, "Where is she going? It's not holding together!" until I recognized what you were doing.

Sorry if I labeled your poem. My intent was to analyze it because that is what we're supposed to do here, one way or another. This is one way. It makes some people uncomfortable; at least that's been my experience. Zak
May/2/2012, 3:08 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
vkp Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Thinking about the poem the second time round with the title more firmly planted in my mind, I feel more affinity for it.

Kind of reminds me of the 13 Blackbird poem by Wallace Stevens in that each section seems a commentary on a single idea--the multifaceted word, "grace", which can be mercy, favor, beauty, elegance, kindness, courtesy and on and on. It's a fantastically versatile word and so, using "grace" as a filter or lens through which to read your poem's separate sections enlivened and enriched the reading of the poem for me.
May/2/2012, 4:38 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Hi Maria,

I'm back wearing my sensible shoes and my critter's hat. I try not to wear that hat when I first approach a poem. One day a couple of years ago, after spending several years on different poetry boards, I picked up a book of poems and began reading it. After a poem or two, I realized I wasn't actually reading the poems just to read them, I was critiquing them in my head. Wow, I wondered, when did it happen that you put on your critter's thinking cap overtop of your poetry lover's thinking cap? That's when I realized there can be a real danger, for me at least, in boards like this one. Sometimes I want to enjoy a poem without trying to figure out why, but of course the purpose of this forum is do precisely that. So, here goes:

First off, the title interests me because I like the song, and because I am always interested in stories of grace, frustrated or fulfilled. Then I read the first line, and that interests me, because it makes a bold statement but is still ambiguous. What kind of heroes are gone forever? I don't know and the next few lines don't tell me. Instead I discover a boy has left, "banging the door behind his soul." Behind his soul? Hmm, there's a word you don't hear a lot in poems these days, so I'm intrigued.

Next three lines blow me away:

How I love the word soul. [me too & this after being pretty cold to it for many years]
It grows on me more every day [me too]

until everything's a contradiction. [oops, as Tere would say, I've just been slipped a mickey, nicely.]

When I read Section 2, I wonder if the fisherman in question went through a dark night of the soul, fear death by drowning, and barely made it through? But I can't wonder too long, because then I'm reading Section 3. I recognize myself in the first 2 stanzas there, not literally but it is something I've at times wanted to do. What follows is a collage of fragmented images, which say to me something about dreams versus reality. Maybe because of the references to soul earlier in the poem, the mention of entering deep woods reminds me of Dante entering a dark woods/forest.

Section 4, S1: ah, small talk. The tension between that, being a social self, and being a private, hidden self, so full of questions & emotions.

S5: An inconclusive conclusion. Tentative tenderness perhaps, another separation and more questions.

What does it all mean? I don't know and I like not knowing, because to me the poem sends the reader on a little quest for meaning, which mirrors in part the N's quest: what is the meaning of soul? I like that the poem asks the question. emoticon

May/3/2012, 4:33 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Terreson Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


The poem is in One through Three. Reading, I felt the flamenco Cante Jondo thing. After that I felt expression only.

Tere
May/4/2012, 11:26 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


I see what you are saying, Tere, about the last two stanzas. Hmm. Well, I read S4 as purposefully lacking in "the flamenco Cante Jondo thing" since it depicts the dreams in a closet and the end of the song being swallowed up. I thought there was a hint of it in S5, but just a hint. Would be interesting to see what would happen if the whole poem went flamenco. As it stands now, I read the poem as being about the struggle between the two ways of being in the world: flamenco versus expression only. My two pennies. emoticon
May/5/2012, 6:56 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Maria Divina Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Tere and Katlin

Section 4 is me. The other sections refer to various speakers. Maybe that's why it sounds a lot more like expression.

I want to be working on this poem but am so bogged down with work I'm forced to take a short break from poetry due to lack of time. Thank you so much to you both for reading and commenting.

Katlin,
I will be back to respond properly to your critique.


vkp
I am really pleased you got something from the poem. Your words are very encouraging. Thanks for your generous comments.

Zak
It's a lot about being creative, I think, and not letting your mind be conditioned by concepts or particular places. I like to be here and there, and of course end up being nowhere - it's the journey that counts, in other words. Thanks a lot.


Maria










May/6/2012, 2:17 pm Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 
libramoon Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


I am in love with your communication
Teasing photos floating in the quiet
of storm lifting breeze
You inquire, look for a temperature
of my wellbeing
I am on to you;
pushing out that cerebral switch
previously known as "off".

May/6/2012, 6:34 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
Maria Divina Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Katlin

It's been a long time. Hope everything's going well with you.

I haven't given up on this one. I've posted a revision, but realize that the last two parts (4 and 5) are still merely expression. Maybe I should lose them althogether. My intention was to write a poem on 'soul' and then I decided to connect it to the song 'Amazing Grace' and turn the melody into something meaningful to myself.

Thanks a lot for your comments.



Libramoon

I think I'm simply aiming at conveying the contradictions in the pictures. Nonetheless, I want to see the beauty. Thanks for your kind words.


Maria



Jun/10/2012, 5:52 am Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Hi Maria,

I miss these lines from the original version of the poem:

The dreams are in a closet
where silence wraps and swallows
the seconds after the end
of a song.

I miss these lines too:

Moonlight glitters in her eyes
as she plays the violin.

FWIW, I really liked the image of the dreams in the closet and the moonlight glittering in her eyes. I see a connection between "the seconds after the end/of a song" and the woman playing the violin. I also like the way those two images tie back into the title. My two cents.



Last edited by Katlin, Jun/13/2012, 10:28 am
Jun/13/2012, 10:27 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Maria Divina Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Hi, Katlin

How are you doing? Hope everything's fine with you.

I haven't had much time for poetry lately, but felt inspired this morning to do some editing.

I thought I would try to remove as many telly parts as possible. I'm still a bit stuck on the ending - I'm not too sure about the end of a song.

Anyway, here it is.


My best
Maria
Jul/13/2012, 3:08 am Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Hi Maria,

I like the changes that you've made, especially to section 3. I also like the way you are living with this poem and taking your time with the revisions.

BTW, a big congrats on your IBPC Honorable Mention! I love your poem "Across Europe and beyond." Good stuff. emoticon

Last edited by Katlin, Jul/21/2012, 6:46 am
Jul/20/2012, 8:13 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
libramoon Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


I love the revision -- much cleaner.
The piece itself turns to tears in my eyes as I read (I am a bit emotionally excessive these days; but) I thank you for the cleansing.
Jul/22/2012, 9:29 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
Maria Divina Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: The amazing grace


Katlin

This is the only poem I've written this past month so am pleased you like the changes.

Thanks too for the congratulations. I really appreciate it.


Take good care. X


libramoon

Thanks so much for reading again. This revision is the best I can come up with I think. I've run out of ideas

but not of emotions. Poetry can do that - purge and recreate at the same time. Your response to my poem is everything I could wish for.

All my best
Maria
Aug/1/2012, 1:54 am Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 


Add a reply





You are not logged in (login)