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ineese Profile
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Depression


I refuse to allow gray blankets
to govern this thing called life
that disappears quickly
into sleep, the way a photograph
does when placed inside a drawer.

I remain spoiled by the simple things:
sunlight in the middle of a back garden.
The path a scorpion follows
through the holes of rotted leaves.
The eyes and hooks of porches
where I've spent years in wait,
or prayer.

The muscat vines when tangled
tell me to let go of all I carry.
To remain one woman, with a flower,
paused to notice a ladybug
paralyzed on a thimble of rain.



Last edited by ineese, May/26/2012, 12:17 pm
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libramoon Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


there is much evidence that mindfulness is the opposite of depression

I think the first stanza needs work
May/25/2012, 5:05 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


libramoon,

I see. I don't personally suffer
from the disease but I will revise
eventually, I guess. Thanks.
May/25/2012, 5:10 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
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Re: Disregarding Depression


on rereading, perhaps the first stanza is not necessary at all
May/25/2012, 5:43 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


I Think it is but still in revision so will see.
May/25/2012, 6:44 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


Hi Ineese,

I'm not understanding libra's (hi libra!) objection to the first stanza of your poem. The title of the poem is "Disregarding Depression," and it seems to me the first stanza is the N's attempt to do just that. Mindfulness may be the opposite of depression, but mindfulness can be a struggle, require a sustained effort, especially when it comes to overcoming depression. The N here is reminding herself to be mindful, and then giving herself some examples of what to be mindful of. I especially like the last three lines of S2 and the first three lines of S3. I think you are right that it is the simple things that someone who is depressed cannot appreciate.
May/25/2012, 9:01 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


Katlin,

Everyone has their own perspective
I suppose. I may revise a word,
punctuation or whatever from that
stanza, but there's no way I'll
omit it. I try to be very open
to all suggestions which I really
appreciate but you know how it is,
after the dust settles, choices
have to be made!

I'm glad you see what I'm trying to
do here. I try to even when the necessary
sometimes "telly" parts must be there
for clarity, show some kind of image
to give support.

Thank you for coming in! Your remarks
help a great deal as well.



May/25/2012, 9:07 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


I'm reminded of Jane Kenyon, a fine poet who struggled with depression. From "Having it Out with Melancholy":

When I was born, you waited
behind a pile of linen in the nursery,
and when we were alone, you lay down
on top of me, pressing
the bile of desolation into every pore...

A piece of burned meat
wears my clothes, speaks
in my voice, dispatches obligations
haltingly, or not at all.
It is tired of trying
to be stouthearted, tired
beyond measure...


The poem ends with the depression lifting:

...and I am overcome

by ordinary contentment.
What hurt me so terribly
all my life until this moment?
How I love the small, swiftly
beating heart of the bird
singing in the great maples:
its bright, unequivocal eye.


My problem with "Disregarding Depression," is the premise that depression can be disregarded. The implication that the narrator can simply switch focus. I'm sorry ineese, there's something overly simple, even smug about this poem that turns me off,

Chris

Last edited by Christine98, May/26/2012, 11:28 am
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ineese Profile
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Re: Depression


Chris, that's ok! Thanks for reading
and for the Kenyon references. She's one
of my favorites.
May/26/2012, 12:18 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


[I engage with struggle to untangle
from layers of gray blankets,
to uncover] this thing called life
that disappears quickly
into sleep, the way a photograph
does when placed inside a drawer.

May/26/2012, 3:36 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


Hi libramoon, nice to see you again.

I'm confused. You've offered changes
to a stanza that wasn't written this way?
So I can't take out what I never had
in there. Help me if I'm missing
 something.
On another note, I'm thinking of tossing
this one. It never was meant to be a medical
statement about depression in general,
or dismissing the fact people suffer from depression and it isn't always easily
remedied. I don't now, but I did years ago,
and I only wrote it from my own experience.
Maybe that was a mistake. I don't know.

quote:

libramoon wrote:

[I engage with struggle to untangle
from layers of gray blankets,
to uncover] this thing called life
that disappears quickly
into sleep, the way a photograph
does when placed inside a drawer.






Last edited by ineese, May/26/2012, 4:06 pm
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Re: Disregarding Depression


It was just a suggestion to show you what I meant about changing the stanza. As you originally wrote it, it made no sense to me. That is certainly not to say that the piece as a whole is somehow not worthy, or that your experience is not worth exploring. The piece did resonate strongly with me except for that first stanza. It is poignant and uplifting and provocative of both emotion and thought. So, please, no tossing.
May/26/2012, 4:12 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Disregarding Depression


I had thought the brackets were taking
out words that I hadn't written and just
got confused. I see what you are doing
now. Thanks! I'll let this sit awhile.
The feedback is very helpful that is
for sure. Actually, it was a previous poster
who got me thinking that I was dismissing
the disease and so I am thinking about that as well. Sorry for the confusion!
I usually see () for adding and [] fpr deleting.

quote:

libramoon wrote:

It was just a suggestion to show you what I meant about changing the stanza. As you originally wrote it, it made no sense to me. That is certainly not to say that the piece as a whole is somehow not worthy, or that your experience is not worth exploring. The piece did resonate strongly with me except for that first stanza. It is poignant and uplifting and provocative of both emotion and thought. So, please, no tossing.



May/26/2012, 4:39 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Depression


No, please don't scratch this poem, ineese. There is much food for thought in the poem as well as in the thread it has provoked. There are different kinds of depression, or maybe I should say different degrees of it. There is a kind of low grade depression, which I think people can work through by will power and mindfulness. Then there is a raging fever kind of depression, the kind of depression that makes it difficult to get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, eat. Will power and mindfulness aren't usually possible for people dealing with this level of depression.

One possible reading the poem: Maybe the N is dealing with the low level kind of depression. It could be she once knew the more difficult, devastating kind. It could also be she doesn't want to go back there if she can help it. Another possiblity is that the N isn't really referring to depression at all, but another emotion more nebulous, harder to define.

Just some thoughts to threw into the steamy pot. emoticon
May/26/2012, 8:19 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Depression


Katlin,

It really needs a different title
and that's my fault.

I'm glad you chimed in. I think the title
overstated. It's more (or is supposed to be)
a poem about positive thinking, not an illness
so I sorta killed that with the title, I guess. Many times people will say they are
depressed and they aren't actually suffering
from clinical depression, which does of course
have a physical component, but they are simply
having a blue day. I know about 15 years
ago, I was suffering from clinical depression
that required meds. This lasted for about 5 years
and since then, I am free from all of it.
That doesn't happen with everyone.
And really I wasn't thinking about "me"
when I wrote this, just people or the N
having a bad time and refusing to give in.

I think when I said scrap the poem, I meant
maybe turn it in another direction, when revising.

In any case....you have hit the nail on the
head with your thoughts and I thank you
so, so much.

Last edited by ineese, May/26/2012, 8:54 pm
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Terreson Profile
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Re: Depression


I've put off reading the poem. Told myself it was because I wanted free time, and active brain, to bring to it. Truth is title put me off, made me afraid. You say you don't know what depression is. I do. Can live with it for 2 years perfectly, clinically unaware. I know a woman who lived with it for over 20 years and as perfectly unaware. We both functioned quite well, had friends, went after living and after meaningfulness, I had a string of lovers. The clinically depressed have this extraordinary trick. They shut themselves off to the source of their pain. They are the great pretenders.

This is the best god damn poem I've ever read on the theme and on the tricks the depressed play with, on themselves. Title is just, legalistically right. Strike it down or drastically revise it at the danger of the pontif's displeasure.

Poem brings to me in sharp, naturalistic detail the main of what I know about the subject. It speaks to me viscerally. Please do not mess with it. When a poem speaks to my body I know I'm reading a poem.

Tere
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Re: Depression


quote:

ineese wrote:

I refuse to allow gray blankets
to govern this thing called life
that disappears quickly
into sleep, the way a photograph
does when placed inside a drawer.

I remain spoiled by the simple things:
sunlight in the middle of a back garden.
The path a scorpion follows
through the holes of rotted leaves.
The eyes and hooks of porches
where I've spent years in wait,
or prayer.

The muscat vines when tangled
tell me to let go of all I carry.
To remain one woman, with a flower,
paused to notice a ladybug
paralyzed on a thimble of rain.




When a poem bolts me out of my chair I know I am meeting a poem. Frankly, I prefer the original title, Disregarding Depression. The greats of Jazz would get it. So would flamenco. I cannot find fault here. Have tried.

Tere

Jun/1/2012, 6:17 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Depression


Tere,

I was just getting reading to turn in
and thought I would check in. I am first
of all sadddened that you have been touched
by this illness. I too have known people
who have dealt with it, some struggling
just to make it through the day.

When I started to read your reply
I was prepared for you to be in a negative
light and I was okay with that because
its a sensitive subject. I was pleased
that you found such favor with this poem!

Thank you. The title, revision,
is all up for re-doing. Nothning is
ever written in stone. I am again,
so glad the poem resonated with y0ou
the way it did and that you feel that way.

Thank you! Thank you!
Jun/1/2012, 8:38 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: Depression


dear ineese

this is a stunning little piece & i simply adore it! it is the mantra for life! in this short little piece you've squeezed the essential oil of life!

your imagery in the first stanza is amazing: life disappearing into sleep like an old photograph into a drawer...beautifully simple & effective.

the second stanza is equally stunning with the path of the scorpion - the holes in the rotted leaves - the eyes & hooks of porches - love it!

the final stanza totally enrapturing! thanks for sharing this - it will remain with me forever - as the mantra for life!
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ineese Profile
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Re: Depression


Queenfisher, I am very moved by your
reply. I can't thank you enough
for the generous words and kindness.
I'm so glad the poem resonated with you
and that it meant that much to you.
Many thanks to you.
Jun/3/2012, 9:05 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
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Re: Depression


ineese,

I wasn't bothered by the first two lines, nor by the first stanza. This refusal may not apply to everybody, but it certainly must apply to a lot of people who do manage to overcome depression. Thus, the first stanza doesn't have to apply to everyone, just as a war poem may not apply to people who have never been in a war. It may not apply to people who cannot manage depression, but many people DO refuse to let gray blankets govern them.

I particularly liked the line about the scorpion crawling through the hole in the leaves. I'm glad you're getting varying opinions. I've reacted too fast at times when the first posters don't like a particular poem, only to later get a number of posters who do. Ultimately I guess we have to go by our own judgment. This poem really gels with "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. Zak

ps -- I don't particularly like the title, but I know how difficult it can be to come up with an alternative.

quote:

ineese wrote:

I refuse to allow gray blankets
to govern this thing called life
that disappears quickly
into sleep, the way a photograph
does when placed inside a drawer.

I remain spoiled by the simple things:
sunlight in the middle of a back garden.
The path a scorpion follows
through the holes of rotted leaves.
The eyes and hooks of porches
where I've spent years in wait,
or prayer.

The muscat vines when tangled
tell me to let go of all I carry.
To remain one woman, with a flower,
paused to notice a ladybug
paralyzed on a thimble of rain.






Last edited by Zakzzz5, Jun/7/2012, 11:40 am
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ineese Profile
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Re: Depression


Zak, thank you for feedback! The poem isn't ultimately about clinical depression and so as I said before, the title is a huge hiccup on my part. IT screams "medical analysis"
and of course, depression is a very serious illness which I am neither qualified to do a free verse poem about nor would I attempt to if I were. It's about those blue days, those
lulls in life and so the title is probably going to be changed.

I'll take a look at everything eventually
and with this wonderful quality feedback
it really helps me know how this comes across
and believe me, I have a good idea of
how it comes across. Thank you again!
Jun/7/2012, 4:36 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
vkp Profile
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Re: Depression


Coming to the playground late, but wish to chime in, though you've gotten plenty of interesting feedback already. Personally -- love the poem. I think (for what it's worth) that depression the word makes some people think of the illness, being in the place where nothing works, and nothing matters, and there is nothing, it seems, to be done. For others, it is a less clinical term that refers to the grayness that becomes a hiding place in life -- like the photo tucked into a drawer, we put away the things we cannot make ourselves see. Your poem is about seeing things so simple and perfect (being mindful) that, perhaps, the narrator (and thus we, the readers) can begin to penetrate the opaque, insistent veil of the gray blanket. Clarity as refusal of depression. Simplicity as antidote to the dark and tangled web. The poem is like a deep breath taken in the cool air of a late summer's day.

Last edited by vkp, Jun/15/2012, 8:54 am
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ineese Profile
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Re: Depression


vkp< thank you for a really
wonderful reply!
Jul/6/2012, 11:14 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 


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