Runboard.com
You're welcome.
Community logo






runboard.com       Sign up (learn about it) | Sign in (lost password?)

 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Desire


I jump
the trampoline,
sudden surge of blood
lifts the roots of my hair;
I stay suspended
in mid-air.

I climb
mountains
without reaching anywhere.
Rarified-air squeezes
the lungs, chokes
the throat.

I float
round and round
this whirlpool without
drowning. A leaf,
I flutter without
falling.

Hanging
on to a mote of sunbeam,
I swing.

Rising
with the tides
on full-moon nights, back
and forth I go with
the waves.

I slither
across deserts,
scuttle across ocean floors.
A snake, a pair of claws,
I cover vast distances,
along narrow corridors.

Riding
on a note, I dance possessed;
I sing.

Flying
on wings I circle
the skies without landing.
A fish caught in a net,
I struggle to breathe
without dying.

I circle
the sun, all planets
rolled in one. Imprisoned
in the prism of desire:



.........I’m going nowhere.


Sep/14/2012, 4:34 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


Hi queenfisher,

This poem reminded me of the saying, Love makes the world go round. But here, the speaker of the poem, desire personified, makes the case: Desire makes the world go "round and round."

This is a sly poem, very simple on the surface, and yet it captures the ubiquitiouness of desire, its all prevasive breadth and depth. Desire as life-force. Well, that reading works until one gets to the ending where the N is no longer desire personified but a prisoner of that force:

Imprisoned
in the prism of desire:

.......I'm going nowhere.
  
I like the way that last line can be read in multiple ways. Like, too, the way the "I" in the poem expands and contracts, travels far and wide, high and low, "going nowhere." Thinking on it now, in the context your poem provides, makes me ruefully smile in my chains.

Sep/18/2012, 1:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


dear katlin

there's no fooling you!

so you think this is a sly poem! hmmmmm...that's nice!

in fact i was wondering if anyone would find anything worthwhile here because it is so simple!i'm almost embarrassed to post most of the love poems on account of that!

but if it makes you 'ruefully smile in your chains' i'll post some more!

i had so much fun writing them - so if readers get any pleasure reading - that would make it worthwhile!

there is too much of 'I' in the poem - but it's all about 'I' I suppose I can't help that!

desire does make the world go round - even the desire to supress desire is desire. you're right about desire being a life-force.

& i love to contradict myself - hence the last line.

in the buddhist monasteries in ladakh - the monks have a ritual of making very intricate patterns with colored powder - it takes them days - very beautiful creative designs & once it's made it's rubbed out. there's a philosphy behind it of course about the transient nature of things - but to my mind it is linked with desire - the desire for beauty & then the obliteration. well this has nothing to do with the poem - but it just came to my mind.
 
i was very happy with: imprisoned in the prism of desire.

desire being the pure white light!
Sep/20/2012, 1:18 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
libramoon Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


simply eloquent
a swinging, singing litany on life
all that glory, remorse, silly sentiment,
intensity, frustration
inherent in instinctual desire
Sep/20/2012, 2:32 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


dear libra

thanks! that's a very eloquent description of desire!
Sep/22/2012, 2:51 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


queenfisher,

The ending makes the entire poem a sort of paradox. There's a sense of freedom throughout the poem, but the ending is like putting a stopper or cork on a bottle.

Therefore I find the final line somewhat of a problem, except that I can't think of a solution. I tried, "I'm going somewhere," but that doesn't work as well.

I enjoyed the individual experience in each stanza. Thanks for posting your poem. Zak
Sep/25/2012, 4:44 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


dear zak

thanks for reading - glad you enjoyed!

let's just say that life is a paradox - & that too makes the world go round!
Sep/26/2012, 12:56 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
vkp Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


Queen: Very cool stuff here. Thanks for this and definitely post more!

I love the lines “sudden surge of blood/lifts the roots of my hair” – it is vivid and universal yet specific and gripping as a physical image. Some of the other imagery is a bit less tangible, more abstract. Climbing a mountain without reaching anywhere is a little vague to me, but also evokes a sense of unfulfilled desire – ever aroused, never satisfied.

The idea of using different images and evocations for a single concept is familiar and a cool idea. I agree with you – when I first read it, I also was aware of too much first person. It ends up distracting this reader from the import of your words. Is there any way to reduce the appearance of "I'?

There’s something about “I cover vast distances/ along narrow corridors” that works for me. The idea of being trapped, for (virtually) eternity in an ever soaring, never settling feeling of abject desire. That is more vivid than when you baldly tell the reader: “Imprisoned / in the prison of desire:/I’m going nowhere.” I appreciate the sound of “imprisoned in the prism” but it is not enough to counter the feeling that I am being told something I’d rather figure out on my own. It seems to me that your images, your building blocks as you convey desire can lead the reader to know and understand that, in the end, you are trapped, without your ever having to say it so bluntly. Let us follow you there, is what I want to say.
 
I hope you are not done with this because I love the subject and much that is here but I feel it is unfinished and can be very strong.
vkp
Sep/28/2012, 3:40 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


dear vkp

thanks for all the input!

i was also very happy with the trampoline image - it was new & different

the rest is just lazy & needs a lot of work - i just took the easy way out with the rest of the images - which is also very cliche - so you're right it needs work & re-thinking.

i'm glad some of it worked for you.

yes the last line is telly but i got so caught up with the prism!

will try & see where i can go with this one - prob. nowhere!

i wish someone could re-write for me - put in all the hard work! & hand it back of course!
Oct/3/2012, 2:38 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
mojave1959 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


Q---

sorry, in a poem composed of montage images the ony one that seems shortsighted is the

trampoline.

also, scuttle across ocean floors is too reminiscent for me of eliot's line.

but otherwise...


consider opening with a declarative:

I’m going nowhere.




I jump
 
sudden surge of blood
lifts the roots of my hair;
I stay suspended

I climb
mountains
without reaching anywhere.
THIN air squeezes
the lungs, chokes the HEART.

I float
round this whirlpool without
drowning. A leaf, I flutter
without falling.

Hanging
to a mote of sunbeam,
I swing.

Rising
with the tides
on full-moon nights, back
and forth I go with
the waves.

I slither
across deserts,
 
A snake, a pair of claws,
I cover vast distances,
along narrow corridors.

Riding
on a note, I dance possessed;

I circle
the skies without landing.
A fish caught in a net,
I struggle to breathe
without dying.

I circle
the sun, all planets
rolled in one. Imprisoned
in the prism of desire:


i especially like ths image:


I cover vast distances,
along narrow corridors.





very evocative, a wonderful cascade, montage of images that collectively speak to me.



bernie

Last edited by mojave1959, Oct/5/2012, 11:12 am
Oct/5/2012, 11:08 am Link to this post Send Email to mojave1959   Send PM to mojave1959 Blog
 
Terreson Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


I have for long maintained that the essential difference between a man and a woman poet is this. When he speaks he speaks to the world, sometimes of the world. But when she speaks, the world addresses me through her. Big difference in personna. Your poem illustrates my theory. Only, do reconsider that last self-conscious line-sentiment. Let the poem, as slender and strong as it is, open up and out.

Tere
Oct/13/2012, 10:33 am Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


dear bernie

thanks - glad the poem speaks to you!

cannot start with: going nowhere - that would be putting all the cards on the table -before the game begins!

yes scuttle across ocean floors - is reminiscent of eliot - always wanted to use that!

i'll see how i can revise this.

thanks for the input.
Oct/26/2012, 12:45 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: Desire


dear tere

yes - a woman does not go to the mountain - the mountain comes to her! likewise the whole world! don't know if that's what you meant - but i see it that way!

yes i agree - the last line should go.

thanks!
Oct/26/2012, 12:50 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 


Add a reply





You are not logged in (login)