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deepwaters Profile
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Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


Wind will carry us
Original by Forough Frokhzad, From Another Birth collection
 
In my small night, alas
wind has a rendezvous with tree leaves
in my small night, there is apprehension
of ruination
 
Listen,
do you hear how the darkness blows?
I watch this happiness, this exotic being
I am addicted to my own gloom
 
Listen
do you hear how the darkness blows?
In the night, something is passing through
the moon is red, anxious
and on this roof,
whose every moment
is filled with fear of collapse
clouds, like crowds of mourners
are anticipating the moment of rainfall
 
A moment
and then, nothing
behind this window, the night is quivering
and the earth is about to stop
from spinning
behind this window, an unknown
is anxiously watching you and me
 
Oh you, covered in green,
your hands like a sizzling memory
put them in my loving hands
and your lips, the warm sensation of living
bestow them to the caresses of my loving lips
and the wind will carry us
the wind will carry us
Sep/30/2012, 6:21 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


Hey shab! So good to see you posting again. emoticon I will be back tomorrow to read and comment. Can't wait!
Oct/1/2012, 6:21 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


Hi shab,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I'm a little rusty when it comes to commenting on translations, I'm sure, but here goes:

I really like the way you have translated the title. The use of "carry" works as a wonderful contrast to the anxiety and fear of the unknown expressed throughout the poem. I also like your use of "rendezvous," which is both evocative and provacative, in S1.

The description of the wind and rain and "fear of collapse" is so compelling throughout the poem, I was suprised to (re)discover in the last stanza that this is a love poem. That last stanza is my favorite. "Sizzling memory" is fresh, as is your usage of "bestow." Love the opening "Oh you, covered in green."

A few tweaks for you to consider (or not):

change "ruination" to "ruin' in S1

change "are anticipating" to "anticipate" in S2

perhaps change "anxious" in S3 or "anxiously" in S4 (I'm not sure how well two variations of the same word are working so close together in the poem.)

perhaps drop "the" before "caresses" in the last stanza

The more I read the poem, the more I enjoy it and get caught up in both the dark night journey of apprehension and the call to love/life that the last stanza celebrates. It is interesting to me the way Forough merges individual experience into nature and the universal. It's a refreshing reminder and one of the main reasons, I suspect, her poems are vital years after her death and even in translation.

Thanks posting this, shab! It's always a pleasure to read your translations of Forough.
Oct/5/2012, 12:34 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


hi shab,

This is so intense, eloquent and very beautiful. Thanks for posting it and reminding me that poetry can do this!

Chris
Oct/5/2012, 12:58 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


It has been a long time, Shab, since you gave us a Forough poem. I've decided something. I find her a little intimidating and I know why. She has that thing I've heard called poetry of thinking. Spread her verses out in prose and you still find poetry. Of course, I cannot speak to the mechanics of your translation, not knowing Farsi. But I can say this. The consistency of your translations persuades me that what you accomplish is bringing over Forough's poetic personality. That is rather a large accomplishment.

Tere
Oct/13/2012, 12:16 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


Thank you all for your always-warm-and-generous reception. I am sorry that I have not been able to come back sooner.

Tere,
She is that, indeed. I am talking to a friend who is a musician and just did an evening concert in Forough's honor. He thinks we should do an evening together, where I read my translations. That's intimidating too emoticon If it happens though, perhaps I could share the video links here?

Thanks again, all.
Dec/2/2012, 3:27 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


Shab,

Yes, please! That evening concert and poetry reading with your friend sounds great. Wish I could be there to witness it in person, but watching a video would be the next best thing. emoticon

Last edited by Katlin, Dec/2/2012, 11:15 pm
Dec/2/2012, 11:14 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: Wind Will Carry Us (Forough)


It will be a while, since he is asking for rehearsals :P But, thank you so much for the interest!
Dec/2/2012, 11:15 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
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What a beautiful poem. I am impressed by people who tackle translating -- it is, I know, a true gift. Glad I found this.
Dec/4/2012, 11:41 am Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
deepwaters Profile
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Thank you, vkp. I hope you get a chance to read more of her works on this section of the board. I am always interested to see which ones speak to non-Farsi speakers more.

-s
Dec/9/2012, 1:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 


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