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Terreson Profile
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Black and Light


Black and Light

My black hand on her white thigh.
Soft shell light against history's lack of light.

I cannot think of light and not think of her.
She cannot think of black water's river without me.

How, tonight, will she shake us down in her first sleep?

She says she loves my lack of light.
I know I love her light in slant eye, dark night.

Yes, her eyes tell truth when she wants and
chooses not to want the seam of my thinking.

Thinking is black, a moist drop captured in stone, while
her truth spreads her body out over near waterscape.

Tere

Last edited by Terreson, Jan/16/2014, 9:45 pm
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mojaveo1 Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Tere--

i think your voice and sensibility is unique among Forum poets; this poem is no exception.

the play here of color contrast, something that can be overdone, but works here; but i would drop the first line:

My black hand on her white thigh.

one other thing, ebony.

the echo of Stevie Wonder, Ebony and ....Ivory.



Soft shell light against history's lack of light.

I cannot think of light and not think of her.
She cannot think of black water's river without me.

How will she receive me in her first sleep?

She says she loves my lack of light.
I know I love her light in slant eye, dark night.

Yes, her eyes tell truth when she wants and
chooses not to want the ebony of my thinking.

Thinking is black, a moist drop captured in stone,
while her truth spreads her body out over near landscape.


bernie

    

Last edited by mojaveo1, Oct/13/2012, 7:12 pm
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Christine98 Profile
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Re: Black and Light


hi Tere,

Bernie's right, your voice is unique and it's great to hear it again,

Chris
Oct/14/2012, 7:45 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Thank you, Bernie and Chris, for both the compliment and for reading. In the same way a particle of light cannot ever see itself without changing its own vector, I cannot know if my voice is unique or not. Just know it's what I got to work with. Bernie, you hit on one of two words in the poem that bugs me too. The other being landscape. For the nonce both words serve as place markers until the right words associatively come along. Thanks again. Feels pretty good to have a sense of poetry again.

Tere
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Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Terreson,

I agree with the others. This is incomparable. The contrast is so successfully handled that it becomes organic with the poem. I have to say I favor the use of "white thigh" exactly as you have used it. It's raw, but it's real. Hemingway used it in describing parts of a man's arm, in opposition to where his arm was tanned -- described it through the eyes of a woman. I think ivory is overdone, and using it the way you've used it is like a re-introduction of the word. High grade of poem here. Zak

 b]Terreson wrote:

Black and Light

My black hand on her white thigh.
Soft shell light against history's lack of light.

I cannot think of light and not think of her.
She cannot think of black water's river without me.

How will she receive me in her first sleep?

She says she loves my lack of light.
I know I love her light in slant eye, dark night. [You should copyright "sland eye" and your use of water's river" and night are Terreson trademarks, too.]

Yes, her eyes tell truth when she wants and
chooses not to want the ebony of my thinking.

Thinking is black, a moist drop captured in stone,
while her truth spreads her body out over near landscape.

Tere

Oct/14/2012, 1:33 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Humbled here, Zak. This is the first poem I've made since spring of '10, month of the BP oil spill actually, and so feeling a bit tentative about the whole practice. Not that that is a bad thing. Maybe just needed to push away from the table for awhile for the sake of perspective. When not writing I feel the way Hemingway felt about it all. So long as I still have ideas, however nascent, I'm good to go. Thanks again.

Tere
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arkava Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Tere. this took me some reads to assimilate properly. love the way the longer lines sometimes going up to 12 odd syllables play off against the shorter utterances--somewhere between a meditation and a direct address. the syntax in the longer lines gently lead away from everyday speech in their music.

thanks for posting
arka

Last edited by arkava, Oct/15/2012, 3:59 am
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Katlin Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Hi Tere,

It's hard to write a convincing, unique love poem, but I think you've pulled it off here. You mentioned being humbled by reactions to the poem, and I think there is a kind of humbleness and honesty within the poem that makes it both tentative and tender, real.

If I had one nit it would be the use of "black" in L1. I'd change it to "My dark hand on her white thigh." Why? Because you use "black" in the title and in S2, and because "dark" feels more evocative to me in S1. But that, as they say, is me.

So great to see you back and to know that you are writing again!
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queenfisher Profile
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Re: Black and Light


the contrast is well played out

the relationship - fascinating! as it works on many levels.

history's lack of light - opens out the poem to a broader perspective - yet the core remains intact - i agree with katlin - a unique love poem!

what stands out in the relationship for me:

'she loves my lack of light' - both engaging & intriguing!

i would have called you the dark knight - only it has evil connotations! & there's def. no evil here - only love! so maybe a knight in (dark) shinning armor!

my very very fav. line:

Thinking is black, a moist drop captured in stone

for me it's a cosmic love poem - i'm thinking of stars & black holes!
Oct/18/2012, 12:50 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Tere

The poem has a very beautiful essence and I am very admiring of poems about color. The contrasts work well and I feel I know about this woman by what isn't stated than what is.

The ending is a stunner. Subtle yet for me,
very sensual.

Thinking is black, a moist drop captured in stone, while
her truth spreads her body out over near waterscape.
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Terreson Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Thanks, Arka, Kat, Queen, and Ineese. Said before but couplets are so bloody hard to work in. So easy to go arbitrary. So hard to get the right gestalt that makes the stanzaic structure seem, what?, ineluctable maybe. I don't know. Have the read the poem over a bunch of times. Provisionally thinking it's got the hover-over-the-page feel of gestalt.

Tere
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vkp Profile
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Re: Black and Light


Yes, it does. (In response to Terreson's last comment.)

"When she wants and chooses not to want...." I feel the pull of the moon on this woman.

Last edited by vkp, Oct/29/2012, 4:43 pm
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