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Mojave01 Profile
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Loveletter


A man walks in the street,
wet shoes, serious
as a small wedding chapel
in Whitehall.

It means that a woman someplace
will receive a love letter.

--


Your love letter came today,
you kissed me on the mouth;
"each breast a crimson
tipped cigarette burning
in a dark room tended
by lovers."


20 years, 30 too late.
My unlucky, bitter stars
and you powerless, faithless
draped across my last few winters.
Oct/26/2012, 10:02 am Link to this post Send Email to Mojave01   Send PM to Mojave01 Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Loveletter


Mojave,

This is deeply, deeply mysterious. Maybe more so it it is an error in construction. I don't know if it was intended or not. I say error because the slant of the poem, the way it is written is very straightforward and very conventional without the postmodern vagueness and indirection.

Maybe it is not an error at all. First we visit the man in the street. I'm reminded of La Carre's cerebral Intelligence agents, perhaps Oxford or Cambridge graduates. I don't know why. That the woman will receive a love letter is interesting; and love, and loneliness in a rainy street is always good. Good writing; you don't even have to say "rainy street". You simply say wet shoes.

There might be too much space between the top sections and the bottom sections. Was that intentional?

The last sections appear to be the woman speaking rather than the narrator. But it seems to me that the narrator's voice wants to come through anyway. The shift seems to have occurred, and the woman seems to be commenting on the man's memory draped about her.

I think I get it, or at least I get one version of it. But for the poem to be more acceptable to conventional norms which seem to insist on either clarity or total postmodern ambiguity, you might just consider the options. For me, I liked it, but I keep looking over my shoulder at those who will follow. No one else that I know of is doing this regularly. Zak

quote:

Mojave01 wrote:

A man walks in the street,
wet shoes, serious
as a small wedding chapel
in Whitehall.

It means that a woman someplace
will receive a love letter.

--


Your love letter came today,
you kissed me on the mouth;
"each breast a crimson
tipped cigarette burning
in a dark room tended
by lovers."


20 years, 30 too late.
My unlucky, bitter stars
and you powerless, faithless
draped across my last few winters.



Oct/27/2012, 6:33 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Mojave01 Profile
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Re: Loveletter


Z---

are you a mindreader?

yes, La Carre.

wet shoes.

A man walks in the street,
wet shoes, serious
as a small wedding chapel
in Whitehall.

It means that a woman someplace
will receive a love letter.


however, the reception of that loveletter is cool indeed, a woman does not relish remembering her former beauty, now blemished by age. and in her final years, it seems she doesn't relish having a former lover draped over her life.

bernie

--


Your love letter came today,
you kissed me on the mouth;
"each breast a crimson
tipped cigarette burning
in a dark room tended
by lovers."

20 years, 30 too late.
My unlucky, bitter stars
and you powerless, faithless
draped across my last few winters.



many thanks,

bernie
Oct/28/2012, 9:33 am Link to this post Send Email to Mojave01   Send PM to Mojave01 Blog
 


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