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36064 Profile
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Today is My Birthday Not June 15


The parrot
is upside down and drunk
on three ounces of champagne.

The coffee table littered
with travel brochures,
Algeciras, Spain. The Gibraltar
gap to Casablanca.

I will travel alone once more,
but not on June 15 as the card
from my office says.

I will travel alone,
canvas chair on a clipper boat,
a Florentine iris closed over
the empty disc of my heart.
Nov/26/2012, 6:11 am Link to this post Send Email to 36064   Send PM to 36064 Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Today is My Birthday Not June 15


Bernie,

Quite a journey this poem takes from the upside down, drunk parrot to the N's empty disc of a heart. I had to look up Florentine iris, but once I did, that made all the difference. Poem takes my breath away. That's about all I can say. Happy birthday?
Nov/26/2012, 1:57 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
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Re: Today is My Birthday Not June 15


Katlin---


Wonderful. loved your remark, my target is always the heart. i miss most of the time, but that is my goal.

one soft irony, i never thought once about matching this poem in any way to my real birthday, but as it would be---nov 26 is my birthday. so thanks for the shout-out.


bernie
Nov/26/2012, 9:45 pm Link to this post Send Email to 36064   Send PM to 36064 Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Today is My Birthday Not June 15


hey Bernie,

Please check your pm's and emails--or pm/email me if possible,

Thanks emoticon

Chris
Nov/27/2012, 12:10 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Today is My Birthday Not June 15


I like the repetition in the last two stanzas.
Not overly crazy about the end line but as a whole, the poem is polished & I enjoyed it.
I almost think it ends well with the iris,
"closed over" an elegant image inviting all kinds of possibilities for closure, warmth,
sensitivity.


"I will travel alone once more,
but not on June 15 as the card
from my office says.

I will travel alone,
canvas chair on a clipper boat,
a Florentine iris closed over
the empty disc of my heart. "
Nov/27/2012, 2:48 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
36064 Profile
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Re: Today is My Birthday Not June 15


I---

hi, i think you wanted to stop here:

...I will travel alone,
canvas chair on a clipper boat,
a Florentine iris closed over


closed over the speaker in his canvas chair rather than a close over the empty disc of his heart.

yes, i like that Florentne iris closing over the speaker in his chair---more subtle.

thanks for the suggestion.

bernie
Nov/28/2012, 11:11 pm Link to this post Send Email to 36064   Send PM to 36064 Blog
 


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