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Maria Divina Profile
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The perspective of genres


Rev.

The three-quarter moon
shines across the lake,
the light a dream

I know. What does it mean
to be alive?

Everyone whispers.
What does it mean to be alive?

We curl up on a patch of grass
against cool wind.

If I were a beam,
how would I feel?
If I were the leaf,
(of another dream)
where would I go?
How far can I travel?

One of the dreams
lingers. Confused I hides
behind magic i,
lost in odyssey, no,

a satire about
being lost in odyssey.
Ha ha ha ha. Good acting!

Time to reveal
how a phenomenon works--

thick canebrakes,
lots of holes in the ground,
feet tied. Undo the knot,
throw it in water.


---

The three-quarter moon
shines across the lake,
the light a dream

I know. What does it mean
to be alive?

Everyone whispers.

What does it mean to be alive?
The moon shines softly on
leaves. They’re not dead.

We curl up on a patch of grass
against cool wind.

If I were a beam,
how would I feel?
If I were the leaf,
(of another dream)
where would I go? How far
can I travel before I die?

One of the dreams
lingers. Confused I hides
behind magic i,
lost in odyssey, no,

a satire about
being lost in odyssey.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Good acting.

Time to reveal the story
of how a phenomenon works--

thick canebrakes,
lots of holes in the ground,
feet tied. Undo the knot,
throw it in water.




-

Last edited by Maria Divina, Jun/26/2013, 3:21 pm
Dec/2/2012, 2:03 pm Link to this post Send Email to Maria Divina   Send PM to Maria Divina
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


Not sure I know, even can know, what the poem is about. But this is another one of those poems that works for me by virtue of being itself.

What indeed does it mean to be alive? One of those questions more revelatory than not.

My sense is that S1 came on its own. What follows simply chasing after.

Tere
Dec/7/2012, 4:05 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ineese Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


Maria,

It reads very light to me. I'm a little rusty
with critique. I saw the end line a little differently:

perhaps:


Undo the knot,
throw into the water.


Dec/7/2012, 6:34 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


Maria D.,

Now and again I will restate my position on literary criticism. It may change tommorrow, but currently it is this: The poem, once out of the poet's hands, belongs partially to the reader. In other words, Shakespeare is not here to tell us what his poems meant.

For me, your present poem is about magic and reality. In positing he sentience of a leaf or a beam, the poet reaches back to the methods of John Donne. Donne was marrying science and emotion, or something like that. But I get the feeling of the romantic poets, too. I get that dreamy landscape.

I like the complexity towards the end: Laughing at life being a journey. The reality, the phenomenon, works by simply releasing the imagination, becoming aware. The use of water relates to the subconscious or unconscious, to life in the womb before we become rational.

That's my two cents worth, and I'm sticking to it. Enjoyed it very much. It was challenging, and it was very creative. I'm wearing my helmet in case you throw stones. Zak

quote:

Maria Divina wrote:

The three-quarter moon
shines across the lake,
the light a dream

I know. What does it mean
to be alive?

Everyone whispers.

What does it mean to be alive?
The moon shines softly on
leaves. They’re not dead.

We curl up on a patch of grass
against cool wind.

If I were a beam,
how would I feel?
If I were the leaf,
(of another dream)
where would I go? How far
can I travel before I die?

One of the dreams
lingers. Confused I hides
behind magic i,
lost in odyssey, no,

a satire about
being lost in odyssey.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Good acting.

Time to reveal the story
of how a phenomenon works--

thick canebrakes,
lots of holes in the ground,
feet tied. Undo the knot,
throw it in water.




-



Dec/8/2012, 12:25 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
vkp Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


Maria, I have read this poem three times now and may be ready to say something non-stupid. It strikes me on the level of a streaming from consciousness, the subliminal flow of thoughts that flicker in and out. At first that put me off and I asked myself why. Got no good answer and decided to come back later to reread and again today... and now it's warming on me.

The baldness of the question: "What does it mean to be alive," is jarring to me. On the other hand, we do ask ourselves that question, in words and sometimes it is just a sense, an idea, that infuses our bodies and minds as we walk in the sun or lie sleepless in our beds. A poem that seeks to answer, or even simply ask, the question, has balls.

The moon parts seem flat to me -- not pricking my inner vision. How to make a moon image snap its fingers? Not sure -- it's a tough one. But the moon is the moon and she must be with us in poetry.

Love the end of the poem.
quote:

Time to reveal the story
of how a phenomenon works--

thick canebrakes,
lots of holes in the ground,
feet tied. Undo the knot,
throw it in water.


Phenomenon indeed, and we are tripped up, holes everywhere, feet tied -- how to navigate the odyssey with all that makes us stumble? Oh yes -- undo the knot....

This part here:
quote:

One of the dreams
lingers. Confused I hides
behind magic i,
lost in odyssey, no,

a satire about
being lost in odyssey.


is my favorite part of the poem. It plays with all the stuff about self, and (as I see it) big I (ego) vs. little i (not sure... soul or spirit maybe). The odyssey is that thing called "what it means to be alive" and hey, satire helps us not take ourselves (I or i) too too seriously as we venture through.
vkp

Dec/8/2012, 1:39 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


Hi Maria,

I really like the way this poem starts out, including the stanza break between dream/I:

The three-quarter moon
shines across the lake,
the light a dream

I know. What does it mean
to be alive?

Everyone may ask the question but not everyone repeats and reflects upon it. That is what sets this N apart and pulls me more deeply into the poem.

Since you say "the moon shines" in S1 and "the moon shines softly in S3, I wonder if there is another way to say it the second time that would add something more to the scene being depicted?

This is probably pecuilar to me, but I thought there were too many ha's in this line, which made me feel that the laughter was being forced:

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Maybe "Ha ha ha." would work? Or not. emoticon

I also thought you might tweak the next to last stanza somehow. For example:

Time to reveal the story--

or:

Time to reveal how
a phenomenon works--

Ineese mentions that the poem reads very light to her. I think she means light in tone for such a potentially heavy subject. If so, I agree and feel this is one of the poem's strengths. I appreciate the way the poem doesn't take itself too seriously and is even comforting in spots:
 
We curl up on a patch of grass
against cool wind.

Dec/21/2012, 9:54 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


Maria-

Good to be reading you again.

I have enjoyed reading the poem. I like how it feels free, chasing thoughts, and being playful.

This part...
Ha ha ha ha ha. Good acting.

Time to reveal the story
of how a phenomenon works--


It is in conflict with the rest of the poem in that it reads/feels self-conscious to me. Just my two rusty cents. "throw it in water", if it is not helpful emoticon
Dec/23/2012, 12:24 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: The perspective of genres


very surrealistic!

dream / death / life - seem to be walking on a tightrope!

how far can i travel before i die - does the balancing act!
Dec/26/2012, 2:12 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 


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