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confirmstatushere Profile
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The Old King is Dead (Fat Elvis if I had a choice)


Been a long time since I have had comments on my writing, so any would be appreciated... Nice to meet you all.

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The old king is dead

Black and white longing looks

no longer exist to crush me

under a weight of a lifetime of living the memories

of old men and crusted vermin in seats

of deliverance and power

pure sluts moulded and bonded

through despair

 

How far to crawl to the epithany

How far till alienation and depravity

poison the position awaiting

I am the architect

The slow perversion, tattered

pure slut moulded and bonded

obedient to morality

 

The beautiful apathy awash

with sweet natured suffering

existing in shadows and sweet bitter sweet

sweet bitter natured suffering sucking you down

like a litre bottle of pure escapism

flitting shadow like

The old king is dead

Pure slut moulded and bonded

stifled by pale and flaccid curiosity
Dec/6/2012, 7:32 pm Link to this post Send Email to confirmstatushere   Send PM to confirmstatushere
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: The Old King is Dead (Fat Elvis if I had a choice)


Welcome to the board, confirm. Hope you'll take the time to look around and see what might interest you.

Your poem is interesting. Not sure it gives enough of an orientation so that I can glean what it is after. Repitition of "pure sluts" probably gives a clue. But I've known too many, and in too many walks of life, to be able to pin point which ones the poem addresses. Or cavorts with. An interesting notion, that. A lifetime spent cavorting with "pure sluts." Rather brings Caravaggio. A slut without peer drawing high art from street sluts.

Tere
Dec/8/2012, 2:10 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
vkp Profile
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Re: The Old King is Dead (Fat Elvis if I had a choice)


Hi, Confirm. Love your screen name.

I am having a hard time getting my hands on this poem, maybe because it is so abstract. It does not seem so at first, as there are some semi-concrete images, but they fade into abstraction, kind of like this one:
quote:

under a weight of a lifetime of living the memories

of old men and crusted vermin in seats

of deliverance and power



We have the old men, and crusted vermin (which is a cool image, though vermin is generic, whereas "cockroach" or "rat" is something a reader could "see"), and then seats... of deliverance and power, which is where you lose me again, I have to admit. I am thinking a throne is a seat of deliverance and power, but not sure how to connect it to the vermin, the old men, etc. I am thinking this may all be very intentional on your part, to leave the reader wondering or uncertain, a bit awash in it all. I am less satisfied with a poem that leaves me uncertain, though being left wondering is always a good thing! I am looking forward to seeing more of your work!
vkp
PS The "pure slut" repetitions is fascinating but a missed opportunity, in my mind. Again, semi-concrete, but there are so many kinds of sluts.... Empowered, unempowered, men, women, intellectual, physical, spiritual sluts.... I want more, I guess.
Dec/8/2012, 2:22 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: The Old King is Dead (Fat Elvis if I had a choice)


Hi Confirm,

You've used a lot of repetition in the poem and I was wondering if you were employing a specific type of poetic form or following some pre-arranged pattern? Like Tere and vkp, I find the poem challenging and difficult to grasp due to the abstract language you've used and the lack of concrete imagery. The mention of Fat Elvis in the title made me think of crushed velvet paintings when I read the first three lines of the poem. I liked the line "a litre bottle of pure escapism" and think the last three lines might make a strong ending if the poem itself was further developed.

Dec/9/2012, 1:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 


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