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magyproductions Profile
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Rainbow


I originally wrote this for Poetry Sundays on Chalkboard and Billboard, but I wanted to get some feedback so I'm posting it here too! emoticon

Rainbow

Red
I am shame in a little
girl’s underwear. I’d give her
my power if only she’d tilt me toward the light.

Orange
I don’t want to haunt you.
I’m tired of burning endlessly,
a beam of light in a costumed night.

Yellow
I rise from the seam
between ocean and sky,
an anchor in an endless curve.

Green
I am the color you see
when you dream of your childhood.
I am innocence in the shape of an unfurled bud.

Blue
I am inside you:
infinite above your head,
and beneath your swimming toes.

Purple
Red and blue made love
and bled together. I swirled into being
beside my chilly father, my mother a rainbow away.

Black
I am absolute.
I come to you in blinks,
the color that birthed the world.

White
I’ll blind you
if you look at me straight.
I am unstained because I have not lived.

Gray
Ratty moonlight:
curl inside me and sleep.
It’s impossible to know everything.

Brown
Don’t say I’m dirty.
I am your mother,
spinning dizzily beneath your feet.
Dec/9/2012, 8:41 pm Link to this post Send Email to magyproductions   Send PM to magyproductions Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Rainbow


This is such a good poem. I did not comment on it in the Sunday Prompt thread because I do not want to in anyway deflect from the delightful, unselfconscious stuff going on there. Here I can go cursive.

Poem kind of answers how it is a painting, how colors and hues, can affect the emotions. That maks me stop.

S1 is so audacious. That took guts. I notice how it also sets out poem's plan. Each color to take on a chakra, in a sense. That's what the poem does, you know. Poem proceeds from there. Yes. Each of your colors speaks to me in the soma way.

Now for a problem. Poem now ready for a new title. Title too small for what poem is after. Also. Roy G. Biv is how I learned the rainbow. But poem's plan diverges from the formula half-way through. In a good way, but diverges none the less.

So here is what I think, Magy. I don't think you've exhausted your prompt.

Tere
Dec/10/2012, 8:16 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
vkp Profile
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Re: Rainbow


I like these so much. They are startling. The idea could become trite immediately in the wrong hands and you have managed to do something with each color that is fresh, and that makes the reader say, "Well, damn... yeah."

So many strong and wake-me-up images and lines here. Red starts the suite strong, and then from Purple on -- timpani resounding, bam, bam, bam. Not to discount the ones between. They are all good. Purple sticks with me as my favorite, though!

I like the shape you follow with each small poem. It does not seem contrived; the shape works visually and the pieces have a rhythm inherent in the shape you've chosen to give them.

Two small quibbles. Title -- definitely undermines, or underwhelms.... The pieces are too excellent to be reduced to a mere rainbow. Nothing against rainbows, but it is too simplistic for this. Also, you go places the rainbow doesn't go.

The other thing I notice is that many of the individual poems start with "I". The first person approach is perfect, but you may want to twiddle with the opening word on a few of them.
vkp
Dec/10/2012, 11:24 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: Rainbow


dear magy

you've added so much color to color - an infinite wisdom & meaning!
Dec/11/2012, 5:00 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Rainbow


Hi Magy,

I love the way you took the prompt and really ran with it, making it your own. Overall, the images here are striking and original. For example, "ratty moonlight" is terrific, and I'm taken by the image of red and blue making love and bleeding together. One line I am unsure about is the last line of Green. It doesn't seem as unexpected or as whimsical as the other images, but, as they say, that could be me.

Agree that the title doesn't do the poem justice. I, too, thought of a color wheel, and Tere mentions chakras, which I had not thought of. Which leads me to a question: how did you arrive at the order of the stanzas? I understand why you started as you did, but after that--? IOW, I'm wondering if this is the best order for the poem? Or perhaps in a way the order is irrelevant, the stanza order interchangeable? I can almost envision this as an interactive poem in which you have the title, and then blocks of color the reader can click on to reveal the words.
Dec/12/2012, 6:02 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 


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