Runboard.com
You're welcome.
Community logo






runboard.com       Sign up (learn about it) | Sign in (lost password?)

 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
"double vision like an itch"


bothered by our reversals come morning
           “matter continuously generated”
a funnel
of double vision adds nothing
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other
           but measured
i type my eyes out “when i am”
bright and bothered
meals take on a different quality
           a continuous dispensation
of depleting and questioning
you point out is like an itch and that
      “my back grows sails”
and that you love me for that
wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close

Last edited by arkava, Jan/4/2013, 8:21 am
Dec/21/2012, 1:00 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


dear arkava

love the beauty of the lines - steady she sails!

 “matter continuously generated”
through a funnel
of double vision adds nothing
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other

simply gorgeous!

also this:

meals take on a different quality
           a continuous dispensation
of depleting and questioning

you have a talent for stunning lines:

 “my back grows sails”

wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close

i really enjoyed reading this!
Dec/26/2012, 2:20 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


hi arka,

I'm taken in by the first line, which I love. Pretty amazing the way you interweave thoughts and feelings, images and dialogue, inner world and outer worlds. The overall effect is one of ease and intimacy. Candor too. Everyday candor, a bright and bothered bird. Not a condor of candor, vulture that scans the room, looking for road kill. Oops, but I digress. emoticon

Anyway, I nipped out two words. See if you can find them.

bothered by our reversals come morning
           “matter continuously generated”
a funnel
of double vision adds nothing
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other
           but measured
i type my eyes out “when i am”
bright and bothered
meals take on a different quality
           a continuous dispensation
   depleting and questioning
you point out is like an itch and that
      “my back grows sails”
and that you love me for that
wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close

I really like the ending too.
Dec/30/2012, 7:56 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


hey kat. sorry for not replying earlier. was not sleeping on this one but it took me some time to look at it afresh. the matter generating the funnel. or neither doing the generating but the funnel becomes a simple shape. what prompted it in the first place.i love it. (tho when i first read your edit, i didn't like it/get it) the first of i am still not sure of but i now i have got the chance to think about it clearly. thanks very much kat. very helpful

yrs
arka
Jan/4/2013, 8:20 am Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


hey q, thanks so much for the good words. emoticon i was so into analyzing whether it's saying anything that some of the images were lost for me when i started revising/rethinking. thanks for bringing these back to me.so glad these worked for you in some way.

thanks,
arka

quote:

queenfisher wrote:

dear arkava

love the beauty of the lines - steady she sails!

 “matter continuously generated”
through a funnel
of double vision adds nothing
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other

simply gorgeous!

also this:

meals take on a different quality
           a continuous dispensation
of depleting and questioning

you have a talent for stunning lines:

 “my back grows sails”

wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close

i really enjoyed reading this!



Jan/4/2013, 9:04 am Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
Katlin Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


the first of i am still not sure of but i now i have got the chance to think about it clearly.

Well, you know what to do if it doesn't work for you. emoticon Wanted to let you know I moved your "how the other half lives" thread to the Discussion I forum, where I thought it might get more reads.
Jan/4/2013, 10:22 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Terreson Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


Arka, this is what I want. I want you to read Spanish language poetry.

Tere
Jan/15/2013, 7:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


bothered by our reversals come morning
           “matter continuously generated”
a funnel
of double vision adds nothing [I tried to relate “funnel” and “double vision” and really came up with nothing except this: there appears to be a theme throughout the poem: this theme appears to relate to the word “continuously” which shows up at least twice, once as “continuous.” Now, continuous can be either a flowing continuity or a series of fragmented steps such as in “measured” or “typed.” Rather than a “flow” there is a “discontinuous” continuity sort of like you might get in calculus. Am I making any sense? I am relying on the words that exist in the poem: continuously, continuous, typed and measured. There is actually movement throughout the poem, in choice of vocabulary if not in the structure of the poem, or the narrative of the poem itself. The term “reversals” itself contains action; it signifies action rather than a static image. “Depleting and Questioning” are also gerunds ( I am told) but they connote action (oddly).]
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other
           but measured
i type my eyes out “when i am”
bright and bothered
meals take on a different quality
           a continuous dispensation
of depleting and questioning
you point out is like an itch and that [Some good action from here to the bottom. I strayed purposely from trying to read this as a traditional narrative, and enjoyed giving it an alternative reading. Thanks, Zak]
      “my back grows sails”
and that you love me for that
wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close
Jan/18/2013, 10:20 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


quote:

Katlin wrote:

the first of i am still not sure of but i now i have got the chance to think about it clearly.

Well, you know what to do if it doesn't work for you. emoticon Wanted to let you know I moved your "how the other half lives" thread to the Discussion I forum, where I thought it might get more reads.




thanks a lot, kat. sometimes revising just seems like too much work. especially when you see there's a hell lot more that needs to be revised and you are not sure how to go back to that initial momentum. emoticon

yrs
arka
Jan/21/2013, 9:52 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


hey tere. i have not read much of spanish poetry except lorca (translated) and a lot of marquez (ok that's not exactly poetry).any suggestions?

thanks,
arka
Jan/21/2013, 9:54 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


quote:

Zakzzz5 wrote:

bothered by our reversals come morning
           “matter continuously generated”
a funnel
of double vision adds nothing [I tried to relate “funnel” and “double vision” and really came up with nothing except this: there appears to be a theme throughout the poem: this theme appears to relate to the word “continuously” which shows up at least twice, once as “continuous.” Now, continuous can be either a flowing continuity or a series of fragmented steps such as in “measured” or “typed.” Rather than a “flow” there is a “discontinuous” continuity sort of like you might get in calculus. Am I making any sense? I am relying on the words that exist in the poem: continuously, continuous, typed and measured. There is actually movement throughout the poem, in choice of vocabulary if not in the structure of the poem, or the narrative of the poem itself. The term “reversals” itself contains action; it signifies action rather than a static image. “Depleting and Questioning” are also gerunds ( I am told) but they connote action (oddly).]
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other
           but measured
i type my eyes out “when i am”
bright and bothered
meals take on a different quality
           a continuous dispensation
of depleting and questioning
you point out is like an itch and that [Some good action from here to the bottom. I strayed purposely from trying to read this as a traditional narrative, and enjoyed giving it an alternative reading. Thanks, Zak]
      “my back grows sails”
and that you love me for that
wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close



thanks zak. that's it exactly. the register is definitely mathematical. not in a really mathematical way but i think you already know what i am trying to say. i mean it's not like i have some calculation or sequence i am basing the number of lines etc on, but more like the words themselves. of course i was using all that against a loose backdrop of a relationship. or sort of cnversations i guess. omst of the time, when i talk to myself it's not a very rich conversation. mostly repetitions-phrase, anxieties and words. i think on some level i am trying to get over that. build an inner life if that makes sense.lol.

thanks,
arka

Jan/21/2013, 11:30 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
Bernie01 Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


A---

the intimacy---is there such a thing as diffident intimacy?

the aspect we know most clearly from science, a questioning that we also know from dialogue in the arts. men and women speaking, wrestling, locating love, negotiating with each other.

bothered by our reversals come morning


i prefer to read the poem without the two passages in quotes---asides the narrator adds as much for himself, as the reader, more for the narrator's understanding than the promulgation of clarity for the loved one.

the narrator comments:

“matter continuously generated”

does love renew itself? one sentimental view answers affirmatively.

here, i prefer to read this less as a point of anatomy, more an action, a nautical action; a sail.

“my back grows sails”


back as in return.


the word type i like as a pun, scientific nomenclature, typing a document.

feeling a disturbance, a commotion among the narrator's thoughts and tumult among his feelings:

 and that you love me for that
wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close


here is Tate:
 
quote:

I saw the thirsty dove
In the glowing fields of Troy, hemp ripening
And tawny corn, the thickening Blue Grass
All lying rich forever in the green sun…tate

Borne on the copper air
    A distant voice green as a funeral wreath
    Against a grave:..tate
Dazed by the wind, only the wind
    The leaves flying, plunge…tate




a beautiful phrase:


a funnel
of double vision adds nothing
           to the clouds
and peaks that
cannot be typed one after the other
           but measured


and here, too:

and that you love me for that
wind moving through edges and lightning
       breath held close



It would not interest or concern the poem, but i think of Rothko selling pictures for 50 million dollars, yet he was focused on the borders, the edges of his paintings.


bernie




 

---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Jan/22/2013, 2:49 am Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
arkava Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


Bernie. thank you so much for such a fine critique. i have taken my time getting back to this, but that’s because i was trying to absorb some of the stuff you mentioned. see i went through a phase where i was writing down whatever i could you know? i mean automatic writing w/o a voice to it. hell. automatic writing w/o the writing in it i mean. these days i am trying to get away from that and it seems to be helping. this new string started out as conversations between me and my wife “diffident intimacy” like you put it and later absorbed a lot of Buddhist stuff as well. so it became a way of well almost talking for me you know? but i still tend to overwrite and go for the easy way out when i don’t have the words for it or lose focus. so this hit me as something i should think over—“i prefer to read the poem without the two passages in quotes---asides the narrator adds as much for himself, as the reader, more for the narrator's understanding than the promulgation of clarity for the loved one. “ the tate poem too. man. i don’t know whether this approaches the poem you quoted but i am so glad that phrase worked for you the way it did. i also enjoyed the way you interpreted some of the words. that scientific thing really sits well with me thanks to my academic background (an engineering degree i didn’t use at work). focusing on the edges. that sounds like something i should aspire for. thank you Bernie.
arka
Jan/26/2013, 12:53 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
Terreson Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: "double vision like an itch"


Arka, Pablo Neruda, Rosario Castellanos, and Antonio Machado come immediately to mind.

Tere
Feb/10/2013, 9:17 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 


Add a reply





You are not logged in (login)