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libramoon Profile
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Our Gang


Our Gang


Outrage
Depression facing outward
Taking power to give it away.
This entrained impulse
See them crackling, jangling
puppets at puppy play,
bite, bark, entangle,
grab and tussle,
growl, muscle in for the kill.
Bloodlust arousal.
Natural as puke, as death,
violation as violent orgy
violation as ecstatic
initiation to the brotherhood.
Life elevated to dreams, goals,
careful weighing of coin and hours,
dependable plans, actions that honor can favor,
love, duty, allegiance to the rules of sanity
and kind regard
have no purpose here.
Men of blood and battle fluid
need no fine speeches, no valor --
only food and receptacles
for their waste.


December 29, 2012
Dec/29/2012, 3:30 am Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
vkp Profile
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Re: Our Gang


Libra, Some thoughts on this new work!
 
quote:

Outrage
Depression facing outward



This is an interesting distinction you make between outrage and rage. I might have thought that rage was the outward expression of depression, but you have me thinking. The outrage at the inequalities of a world in which one person suffers the imprisonment of depression and another does not….

quote:

Taking power to give it away.



Not sure of the process here – the outraged person takes power… from what? And gives it away as what? Violence? The self-expression of that outrage mentioned?

quote:

This entrained impulse



Interesting juxtaposition here. Impulses are by definition not something trainable, and yet here they are together, a seeming oxymoron. So what are you saying? That an impulse (such as anger or violence) can be trained into us? Through hardship (depression)? Not clear to me.

quote:

See them crackling, jangling
puppets at puppy play,
bite, bark, entangle,
grab and tussle,
growl, muscle in for the kill.



This is excellent – I can see the puppy play. Outrage reduced to the cuteness of the puppy tussle. A bit of a deflation of a powerful feeling. Even though you have the puppies muscling in for the kill, the danger of the image has been diminished by the visual of tangled puppies rolling on the floor in mock battle. On a technical note, I find there are too many verbs and participles in this section. I like “jangling/puppets at puppy play” (and the implication that in the grip of outrage we are mere puppets) and the rhyme of “jangling” with “entangle” sounds good. I’d cut a few of the puppy verbs.

quote:

Bloodlust arousal.
Natural as puke, as death,
violation as violent orgy
violation as ecstatic
initiation to the brotherhood.



A table turn – from puppies in “play” fighting, to instinctive bloodlust with comparisons to rough stuff – puke, death, violation. I don’t have enough to hang onto here to help me understand the transition from the previous lines. Violation as ecstasy – as in release? As in the mirror or flip side of depression?

quote:

Life elevated to dreams, goals,
careful weighing of coin and hours,
dependable plans, actions that honor can favor,
love, duty, allegiance to the rules of sanity
and kind regard
have no purpose here.
Men of blood and battle fluid
need no fine speeches, no valor --
only food and receptacles
for their waste.



Here, in the end, I find that the outrage and violence is being channeled (naturally) into the socially acceptable realm of soldiering and war, where people are reduced to their bodily needs and find “sanity” and respect by turning the tables on everyone and venting bloodlust as “actions that honor can favor.”

Lots here and worth the read. The thinking it inspires is heady stuff for an early Saturday morning! I feel as if the transitions between the parts (as I see them) are not in place, so that there is some confusion (for me) about how we get from depression and outrage to puppies to the brotherhood of bloodlust to the honor of the battlefield (as it disguises the base instincts of war). I’m hoping to see more of this poem….
vkp
Dec/29/2012, 10:13 am Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Our Gang


hi Libra,

I've been following the horrific story of the 23 year old med. student in India who was assaulted/gang raped on a bus and injured so badly she died in a Singapore hospital yesterday.

That's what I read into your poem. I can't get that horrific incident out of my head so may be
a hammer in search of a nail...I don't know,

Chris
Dec/29/2012, 10:43 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: Our Gang


yes, Chris, exactly my inspiration (or perhaps futile desperation)
Dec/29/2012, 1:00 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Our Gang


I didn't make the connection between your poem, libra, and the gang rape and death of the medical student in India until Chris pointed it out, but now, yes, I see.
Dec/30/2012, 9:35 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Our Gang


Right. Not about to treat the poem as if open to crit. Outrage is outrage.

Tere
Jan/14/2013, 7:45 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 


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