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ineese Profile
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The Least of it (1966)


The sun will soon turn my basement window
into a millefiori.
I sweep mother's broken vase underneath
the bed, its eggplant bottom sharp.
Her purple dahlias open and leafed.
Their colors slowly slip away.
I find a pack of cigarettes hidden
behind the porch steps
as I imagine the flowers rising up from the floor.
There should have been trophies,
or at least gold ribbons for my effort.
I even soaked the broom in liquid pine
bristles full of glass building their case
against me. I lower my head and take one last puff.
I've become the most quiet candle on this dark night.
Feb/21/2013, 8:50 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: The Least of it (1966)


This may actually be the first time a poem of yours has not pulled me in, brought me up, tugged on me. Maybe I'm missing something. But I can't see what makes the poem's moment vital or essential or inescapable. What are you seeing I cannot? I count one good line. The last.

Tere
Feb/24/2013, 2:32 am Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ineese Profile
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Re: The Least of it (1966)


Tere,
You know, I'm this way If someone
says everything I write (or anyone,
for that matter) you begin to wonder
if anything is truly worthy! So, I'm
really glad you are honest and let
me know how this one comes across.

And, I guess I've also been doing
this long enough to know when its
okay to bypass a piece, grab a cup
of coffee, go sit in the sun and rethink.

anyway----thank you for your input!
Feb/24/2013, 9:22 am Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: The Least of it (1966)


Hi Kathleen,

I think this poem is close, but I understand what Tere saying. For me, the poem lacks the emotional resonance I've come to value in your work. The question I asked myself while reading was: What's at stake for the N? It's not that the answer needs to be crystal clear, far from it, but I do think there needs to be a sharpening of the undertones somehow. What I get from the poem is a young woman in conflict with her mother, both the real woman and the internalized one, and the sense of being a disappointment for being one's self.

I like the title and the images in the poem; I just think there needs to be a little something more.

HTH,
Kat
Feb/24/2013, 12:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: The Least of it (1966)


Good on you, Kathleen.

Tere
Feb/24/2013, 3:10 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 


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