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Christine98 Profile
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Siblings


Grown sisters now
who give no quarter, pinching
where the skin's less tough

his wife wades in
these three loud ducks, these
women churning up
the past; himself dispensing
day-old crusts

He remembers sitting near
his wife, the infant in
her lap was lulled, the moment
mellow as mulled wine

the older child edging
the periphery, a swelled
swarm in too small a hive

(Why does the scene retain
its' clarity? a crystal
in the gauze of time)

Like Ebenezer, gripped by
Christmas past, he is
forced to witness how
he failed to gather in,
to soothe her; to
include her.

(What perversity
allowed her to go begging?)

Last edited by Christine98, Feb/25/2013, 1:43 pm
Feb/23/2013, 4:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Siblings


Gosh, Chris, for reasons I won't trouble you with now, I read this poem of yours earlier today and was thinking what a good poet of family interiors you are:

http://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/t641

And now you post this poem in the same forum. It must be serendipity. emoticon

This is not a critique forum, so I won't put on my critter hat. Yay! This is good stuff. The first two stanzas are spot on, draw me in. I can see them all, this close and too close for comfort family, gathering round, loving, bickering and competing while the children wait and watch.

I am reminded by the penultimate stanza that sibling rivalry was something Dickens did well (Little Dorrit, for example), so i think the reference to his work is relevant in more ways than one. Yes, and even the use of "mulled wine" and "begging" feel appropos to the scene in this context.
Feb/23/2013, 5:21 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: Siblings


"a crystal
in the gauze of time"

this image has taken me -- I am totally in love
Feb/23/2013, 5:58 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Siblings


Thanks Kat, for reading and reminding me of that other one I'd forgotten.

and thank you, libra, thanks for being taken,

Chris
Feb/23/2013, 6:50 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
vkp Profile
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Re: Siblings


As for being "taken" -- count me in! What a vivid diorama you have constructed here inside this poem. Stunning. Special fave -- the lulled/mulled internal rhyme. I especially like the graphic metaphor of the swelled swarm in tight quarters too. And the sister overlay resonates powerfully with this reader.
vkp

Last edited by vkp, Mar/9/2013, 1:05 pm
Mar/9/2013, 1:04 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Siblings


Thanks v! I was worried about that "mulled" thingy--sometimes I over-indulge--but I'm glad
you approve.

Thanks again,

Chris
Mar/9/2013, 2:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
vkp Profile
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Re: Siblings


Indulging in delicious things is not necessarily a bad thing!
Mar/9/2013, 2:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 


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