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Emeli Sandé Tonight


Revision #1


Le Show

Raven eye looks straight
at you; panther life, puma
in the barrens of disco
Metropole.

Kleig light, carbon arc;

stage paint lacquered on,
scarlet lapel boutonniere;
whim of eau de cologne.

Spinning in my red shoes,
satin pants, microphone;
poetry I forget;
words in foreign accent.

Jacquard collage, faux
waterfall; purple spray
beads hair and dress.

Shimmer your vodka
parasol. Drinking bird,
lips like burning matches;
Corp de Ballet dancer.

Too far away to hear,
get closer. I hardly see
in front of me, depeche
Jesus come closer.

Glória in excélsis Deo.

Persian minature resting
in Le Show case glass.

j'adore.













Original:


Dressing for a spin
at the new dance emporium.

My deck work hypes the room,
volume over our heads.

A line of poetry I cannot
forget.

But I can’t get closer to you,
come closer.

I can hardly see
in front of me, come closer.

I’m spinning in my red shoes,
satin pants and microphone.

Colored bulbs and cellophane,
hippest talk, hip hop dancing,

waves of ecstatic glamour,
mumbles to a depeche Jesus.

Glória in excélsis Deo.
Glory to God in the highest;

But I can hardly see
in front of me, come closer.

Dancer with a snort on,
one more hit and you’re gone.

Change of breath, a blowing
cigarette passed ‘round.

Come closer. I can hardly
see in front of me.






lyrics written by the singer:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=883yQqdOaLg


Will you recognize me
In those flashing lights?
I try to keep my heart beat
But I can't get it right

Will you recognize me
When I'm lying on my back?
Somethings gone inside me
And I can't get it back

Oh heaven, oh heaven
I wake with good intentions
But the day, it always lasts too long
Then I'm gone
Oh heaven, oh heaven
I wake with good intentions
But the day, it always lasts too long

[Repeat: x2]
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone

Will you recognize me
When I'm stealing from a car
You're not gonna like me
I'm nothing like before

Will you recognize me
When I lose another friend
Will you learn to leave me
Or give me one more try again

Oh heaven, oh heaven
I wake with good intentions
But the day, it always lasts too long
Then I'm gone
Oh heaven, oh heaven
I wake with good intentions
But the day, it always lasts too long

[Repeat: x2]
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone

[Repeat: x3]
Oh heaven, oh heaven
I wait with good intentions

You say that you're away
I try but always break
'Cause the day always lasts too long

Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone

Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone

[Repeat: x2]
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone
Then I'm gone


Read bio notes:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emeli_Sand%C3%A9



Last edited by Bernie01, Jun/7/2013, 10:39 pm


---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Mar/15/2013, 2:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


Getting some idea of a certain penchant of yours, I looked up Sande.

Poem works for me. Couplet stanzaics good. Repetitions effective as is the lyrical voice. I much like the poem's story-scene. I can see the place-setting.

  
"Come closer. I can hardly
see in front of me."

This is fine writing.

Tere
Mar/16/2013, 6:56 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


Tere---

bravely you jumped in. I am very grateful.

Getting some idea of a certain penchant of yours, I looked up Sande.

fine with me. i don't aim to mystify, baffle or defraud widows and orphans.

a simple reverie will do me lots of good, a meditative awareness of a suffering for which we cannot find a name. a brokered sense of goodwill, happiness and humor.

just reading about the many pornography trials (and years of imprisonment) of Samuel Ross, an early publisher of Joyce; the transcript of Oscar Wilde's trial---he would be jailed even as the Importance of Being Ernest was raking in big audiences in London's fasionable theater district.

at any rate, a phrase---the love that dare not speak its name is a phrase from the poem "Two Loves" by Lord Alfred Douglas, published in 1894. It was mentioned at Oscar Wilde's gross indecency trial, and it is classically interpreted as a euphemism for homosexuality.

not myself gay, but the phrase so perfectly states the private struggle that many of us feel for our personal demons---penchants.

god
love
jealousy
betrayal
redemption
forgiveness
loneliness
race
caste
class
poverty
incarceration
illness
parental love
grief
the platonic
the nearly 1,000 forms of loss
bitterness
defeat
forfeit
nature
awe
thought near breaking

just a few of the penchants who dare not speak its name.

i stutter in my poms, shake, anxious to help.

this current pom is a big change in style, not feeling. i was uncertain how this poem might strike others, but know that i feel the theme strongly. feeling a poem, i think, is different from meaning the poem is good or bad; i revised a bit since you first rolled on to the dance floor---i don't do drugs, either, but an individual reaching out for another so strongly, so blindly is an individual i want to support, to assist with a love that dare not speak its name.

all, just to say, so pleased you found something speaking, however briefly and imperfectly, to one of your penchants.


bernie


 
quote:

Fall

Bob Grenier

the leaves
falling
out of the
water by the
table




For Kathleen

bernie

quote:

You are naked except for sunglasses.
I resemble a Tour de France bike rider
in my watertight scuba suit drifting
to sleep; my face mask, the snorkel alert
as a border guard. You begin to talk.
Each word a wild strawberry gift wrapped
for my sojourn unable to speak its name.











Last edited by Bernie01, Mar/18/2013, 5:09 pm


---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Mar/18/2013, 3:53 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


Hi Bernie,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this one. I've read the poem several times since you first posted it. It moves well and has a light, airy quality to it. I like the repetition of "I can hardly see" and "come closer" which act like urgent refrains in the poem.

Two hiccups for me:

1) the use of "hippest talk" (I'm not sure the N would refer to the conversations that way):

Colored bulbs and cellophane,
hippest talk, hip hop dancing,

2) and the use of the English translation, which I don't think you need:

Glória in excélsis Deo.
Glory to God in the highest;

HTH,
Kat
Mar/25/2013, 11:36 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


K---

and oh lord, yet another migration for this poem---now more clearly about a disco and a narrator making moon eyes at a dancer.

a more popular format.

thanks for stopping by. very much appreciated your coments.

ah, and that love that dare not speak its name:

In one of her last poems, Sylvia Plath imagines the echoes of words rippling away like horses. They reappear as

"words dry and riderless",
indefatigable hooftaps"


bernie





---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Mar/25/2013, 3:18 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
vkp Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


Came late to this so you have already revised! But you are quick that way. I like the almost choppy rhythms of this, the strong beat, I guess, which fits your subject matter. Invocation of Jesus (hurry up get closer) and the Gloria reference exalt this to a religious experience somehow. Love these lines:
quote:

Shimmer your vodka
parasol. Drinking bird,
lips like burning matches



Very sensory and immediate.

Thanks for posting.
vkp
Mar/27/2013, 8:39 am Link to this post Send Email to vkp   Send PM to vkp Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


excellent revision bernie!
hope somebody is nomming this!
Apr/10/2013, 2:02 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: Emeli Sandé Tonight


V---

love it when a reader tells me the lines they like....or, alas, don't like; but we are all here to learn, to get better.

many thanks.



QF---

glad you liked the last revision, i'm pushing back from the table, this meal consumed.

but thanks for letting me know what you felt.


bernie

---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Apr/10/2013, 3:04 am Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 


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