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Bernie01 Profile
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Forecast


Revision #1

I look
for a long word
meaning trance
or swoon.

I was learning
French
and noticed
myself
in the mirror.

You came in,
eyeglasses;
absorbed in
rainwater.




Original:

I look
for a long word
meaning trance
or swoon.

I was learning
French
and noticed
myself

in the mirror
lit
by an opal
peony lamp.

You came in
eyeglasses
absorbed in
rainwater.

Last edited by Bernie01, May/17/2013, 3:37 pm


---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Apr/11/2013, 5:31 am Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Forecast


Bernie, I love this elegant, beautifully configured poem. Thanks for it,

Chris
Apr/11/2013, 9:01 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Forecast


Hi Bernie,

I am reminded of haiku love poems that are sparse, delicate, evocative and usually involve a mention of weather or the season. Like a quick sketch by a good portrait artist, the essential outline is there and reveals just enough to capture the reader's imagination.

Last edited by Katlin, Apr/13/2013, 9:29 pm
Apr/13/2013, 9:26 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Forecast


Bernie,

I agree; this is like a study. Like you are focusing on either a particular experience or thing, focusing only on it. Or perhaps studying the detail, how to approach a certain thing, a certain perception.

Years back when I was visiting poetry sites, before finding the two I chose, there was a site where a young woman posted similar, restrained, very focused poems. In her case, they were uniformly excellent; in fact she consistently sold the poems along with her paintings to some mags or journals in Europe. My problem with her work was precisely that it was so uniform I grew bored with it, perhaps numbed by the uniformity of it. This is not the case with you, as you give us a diversity in topics, locations, situations, experiences. Keep it up. Zak

quote:

Bernie01 wrote:

I look
for a long word
meaning trance
or swoon.

I was learning
French
and noticed
myself

in the mirror lit
by an opal
peony lamp.

You came in
eyeglasses
and high heels
absorbed in
rainwater.



Apr/14/2013, 6:22 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: Forecast


C---

wonderful word, elegant. a word i rarely hear---you gave me a thrill.


K---

we share a view:


"...reveals just enough to capture the reader's imagination..."

oh, yes, oh yes. a very good rule to place above the computer when writing.



Z---

has everybody gone soft in the head...LOL.

only nice things folks are saying; your POV, your observation points to my subject matter over a period of time---India travel poems, fashion in pre-WW II Paris, a first person account by a Japanese Zero pilot of a mission over Port Morseby, a disc jockey in a Los Angeles disco, a hive of below average bees outside Detroit, an african writing home for $500 dollars...children from Darphur suddenly transported to a fancy dress ball in Boston...

all folks i love. my family of characters, my own Yoknapatawpha County.

(don't i wish.)

my subject, something that knocks on the door asking to have a tune dedicated over the radio, or maybe even a poem, drives my voice, my narrative method, as i scramble to do justice to the trust given by these literary travellers, these nomads.

thanks very much for your comment.



bernie








Last edited by Bernie01, Apr/15/2013, 9:47 pm


---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Apr/15/2013, 9:41 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: Forecast


yes an elegant poem that stands tall in high-heels

love the term 'absorbed in rainwater'
Apr/17/2013, 1:42 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: Forecast


Queenfisher


you are a mind reader.


'absorbed in rainwater'

good or bad, i can't get the phrase out of my head.


thanks for stopping by.


bernie

---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Apr/17/2013, 1:36 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Forecast


I had to look the term up to bring to mind what the poem brings to mind. I was wanting to find a different way of saying it is ellegant, since, already pointed out. Pointillism is the term. The practice of painting in dots, stipples, rather than with color mixing on the palette. That is the method or practice poem brings to mind. So, yeah, ellegant.

Unless I've missed something, seems to me poem manages to re-word trance or swoon. "Absorbed in rainwater." Pretty darn fine.

Tere
Apr/21/2013, 1:08 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: Forecast


T---

a shrewd and very helpful insight, i think.

all these years ago, a friend in Kansas, Colette Bangert---started me thinking about pointilism.

many definitions, but i learned it was not something just for the art history books.

i like the narrator, self absorbed as he might be, he still notices the entry and condition of a companion.

another phrase in my head,

the only way i could speak to you
is by leaving.


less true than the poem here.


thanks for your comment, i will tell Kathleen on you as soon as she comes home---she is simply the best artist i know here in southern california and the source of what small knowledge i have about art---


bernie


Colette Bangert:


http://tinyurl.com/d6xk9t2






 








Last edited by Bernie01, Apr/21/2013, 8:04 pm


---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Apr/21/2013, 7:44 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Forecast


Hey Bernie,

Please check your email. Thank you. emoticon
May/1/2013, 7:08 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 


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