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Zakzzz5 Profile
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I had to walk over a hill


I had to walk over a hill.
The gas station attendants pointed the way;
I began to think of myself as a separate person.
That had surprised me as much as the little boxes
on the desks at the motel. They said they were computers,
something I had never see before I climbed the hill.

I left the hospital and went for a long walk.
I took the walk of an insomniac.
I didn't learn this all at once,
but I knew now that when I reached the age of forty
I would not be married to Ruth. This threw me
into a deep depression.

It happens in all the towns around the Great Lakes
on the American side.
They had lived up there and had suffered
under that cold weather
with a son who was also plunging into depression.

The calendar at the motel had said 1991,
so the car they were driving was five years old.
I wondered if his wife had known him when he was younger,
when he looked more like myself.
He was too sick to notice me,
and she gave me a startled look.


Last edited by Zakzzz5, Apr/17/2013, 9:28 am
Apr/17/2013, 9:27 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Bernie01 Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


Z---

i like the surreal tone of the poem, the confused time sequence, the lost time; the blur into the figures at the great lakes, the son.


I had to walk over a hill.
The gas station attendants pointed the way;

Singular?

the gas station attendant pointed the way;


I began to think of myself as a separate person.


Tense? Present tense, is that better?


I walk over a hill.
The gas station attendant pointed the way;


That (had) surprised me as much as the little boxes
on the motel desk…

Avoiding the double the words.

They (they, the attendants at the gas station, or the motel workers?)

they were computers,
something I had never seen.


I left the hospital

And took the walk of an insomniac.

 
I didn't learn this all at once,
but I knew (now) that (when) reaching
the age of forty
I would not be married to Ruth. This threw me
into a deep depression.

(It happens in all the towns around the Great Lakes
on the American side.
They (had) lived near the Great Lakes,
(up there and had) suffering
(under) that cold weather
with a son (who)( was) also plunging into depression.

The calendar at the motel had said 1991,

The motel calendar said1991,


so the car they were driving was five years old.
I wondered if his wife had known him when he was younger,
when he looked more like myself.
He was too sick to notice me,
and she gave me a startled look.




I walked over a hill.
The gas station attendant
 pointed the way;

I began to think of myself
as a separate person.

That surprised me as much
as the little boxes
on the motel desk…

the motel keeper
said they were computers,
something I had never seen.

I left the hospital beginning
the walk of an insomniac.

 
I didn't learn this all at once,
but I knew that reaching
the age of forty I would not
be married to Ruth.

This threw me
into a deep depression.

She lived near the Great Lakes,
suffering that cold with a son
also plunged in depression.

The motel calendar said 1991,
the car they were driving
was five years old.
I wondered if his wife
knew him when he was younger,
when he looked more like me.

He was too sick to notice me,
and she gave me a startled look
as she gazed into my face seeing
her own future.





bernie










Last edited by Bernie01, Apr/17/2013, 5:37 pm


---
Fall

Bob Grenier: the leaves / falling / out of the / water by the / table
Apr/17/2013, 2:03 pm Link to this post Send Email to Bernie01   Send PM to Bernie01 Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


Not exactly sure of the story here, what's getting told. Thinking the N suffers from amnesia, and is looking to regain his sense of self. That is what comes through for me. Amnesia or not, pretty clear that he is still trying to regain a sense of who he is and of the history that has put him on the other side of the hill, so to speak. Incidentals of the poem well managed, scene's moment(s) fleshed out. But mostly it is the poem's humanity that comes through, something I've said before you tend to tend to. I think you intend a psychological study. If so it is working for me. Not sure what, if anything, needs to be fixed.

Tere
Apr/21/2013, 1:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


not only surrealistic but very existentialist as well - reminds me of the myth of sisyphus & such-like

neurotic depressive psychological - very cinematic too - like i very much!
Apr/25/2013, 2:15 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


Hi Zak,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this poem! I don't want to say you are developing your own style, because you've always had your own style during these last (I'm not sure how many) years I've been reading your poems. But I think you are expanding that style in some significant way(s).

Once again I am not a hundred percent sure what is happening in the poem, when and to whom, but despite my uncertainty there is an underlying sense of what I'm going to call compassion--or perhaps acceptance--in the poem that appeals to me.

I like the rhythm of the lines, which remind me of walking and of deliberation. I also like the matter-of-fact tone and the way it contrasts with what is left unresolved and mysterious in the poem. The N is trying to recall and understand certain events in his life, and in the lives of others, in the best way he can without being overly judgemental. At least that's how the poem reads to me.

Thanks for posting this, Zak. I enjoyed reading and then thinking about it.
Apr/27/2013, 11:32 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


Bernie,

Thanks for reading and commenting. Most of the comments appear to be matters of style, and as such, I respect them. On one, I will comment: When you ask if the "they" refers to the gas station attendants or the motel workers, it's my understanding that the they normally refers back to the most recently mentioned item. At least that is what a journalist once told me. You agree? Thanks, Zak

quote:

Bernie01 wrote:

Z---

i like the surreal tone of the poem, the confused time sequence, the lost time; the blur into the figures at the great lakes, the son.


I had to walk over a hill.
The gas station attendants pointed the way;

Singular?

the gas station attendant pointed the way;


I began to think of myself as a separate person.


Tense? Present tense, is that better?


I walk over a hill.
The gas station attendant pointed the way;


That (had) surprised me as much as the little boxes
on the motel desk…

Avoiding the double the words.

They (they, the attendants at the gas station, or the motel workers?)

they were computers,
something I had never seen.


I left the hospital

And took the walk of an insomniac.

 
I didn't learn this all at once,
but I knew (now) that (when) reaching
the age of forty
I would not be married to Ruth. This threw me
into a deep depression.

(It happens in all the towns around the Great Lakes
on the American side.
They (had) lived near the Great Lakes,
(up there and had) suffering
(under) that cold weather
with a son (who)( was) also plunging into depression.

The calendar at the motel had said 1991,

The motel calendar said1991,


so the car they were driving was five years old.
I wondered if his wife had known him when he was younger,
when he looked more like myself.
He was too sick to notice me,
and she gave me a startled look.




I walked over a hill.
The gas station attendant
 pointed the way;

I began to think of myself
as a separate person.

That surprised me as much
as the little boxes
on the motel desk…

the motel keeper
said they were computers,
something I had never seen.

I left the hospital beginning
the walk of an insomniac.

 
I didn't learn this all at once,
but I knew that reaching
the age of forty I would not
be married to Ruth.

This threw me
into a deep depression.

She lived near the Great Lakes,
suffering that cold with a son
also plunged in depression.

The motel calendar said 1991,
the car they were driving
was five years old.
I wondered if his wife
knew him when he was younger,
when he looked more like me.

He was too sick to notice me,
and she gave me a startled look
as she gazed into my face seeing
her own future.





bernie











Apr/29/2013, 6:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


Terreson,

Amnesia is definitely a part of it. It's a man rediscovering parts of his life, and sometimes confusing the different phases of his life. At this point I don't want to get into it more than that for various reasons. I appreciate your take on it. Zak

quote:

Terreson wrote:

Not exactly sure of the story here, what's getting told. Thinking the N suffers from amnesia, and is looking to regain his sense of self. That is what comes through for me. Amnesia or not, pretty clear that he is still trying to regain a sense of who he is and of the history that has put him on the other side of the hill, so to speak. Incidentals of the poem well managed, scene's moment(s) fleshed out. But mostly it is the poem's humanity that comes through, something I've said before you tend to tend to. I think you intend a psychological study. If so it is working for me. Not sure what, if anything, needs to be fixed.

Tere



Apr/29/2013, 6:28 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: I had to walk over a hill


queenfisher,

I'm impressed by your take on it. Sisyphus is another good comparison. All your other observations warm my heart. Zak

quote:

queenfisher wrote:

not only surrealistic but very existentialist as well - reminds me of the myth of sisyphus & such-like

neurotic depressive psychological - very cinematic too - like i very much!



Apr/29/2013, 6:31 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 


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