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Christine98 Profile
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Social Animal


Zen stepping
as through a migration
of snails

With riotous restraint
angles compressed as a diamond
or a death bed

Squint-eyed, one's feet
flopping gigantically

And all her children in their cups
following the funeral




Last edited by Christine98, Jul/1/2013, 9:17 am
Jun/30/2013, 9:58 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Social Animal


Hey Chris,

The first three stanzas paint a daunting, precarious picture of social awkwardness, with just the right hint of humor. There's a lot going on in those brief stanzas, which I think are original and well-done.

The last couplet came as a suprise. In a good way. I'm glad you included it, but it left me wantng more! I wondered if you might decide to develop that part of the scene a bit? Not necessary, but just me egging you on. emoticon
Jul/1/2013, 10:49 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Social Animal


thank you, kat, for your take. very much appreciated,

Chris
Jul/1/2013, 2:28 pm Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 


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