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Zakzzz5 Profile
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a curved sidewalk


a curved sidewalk
flat and wide ending
it’s Dante in winter clothes
the fires rage across the street
not unlike hell

a curved sidewalk
flat and wide ending
where sycamores
streetlights gray and crystal
wait for a dull sky
not unlike hell

a curved sidewalk
flat and wide
before the drop-off
into the canyon
there are no fires
flaring now

across the chasm
sparks fly
Aug/26/2013, 11:33 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


Hi zak,

Wonderful, evocative images. So far, just appreciating the mood. I'll return to this and if anything more specific strikes me, I'll report back,

Chris
Aug/27/2013, 9:26 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


dear zak

are you describing the turmoil in egypt?

that's what i'm reading.

it's a good job done - concrete, concise, compact & clear.

love the last image.

it's told as it's seen - that's what i like about your writing. it's very focused.
Aug/28/2013, 3:03 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


Chris,

I appreciate that you read it, and that it created a response. Zak

quote:

Christine98 wrote:

Hi zak,

Wonderful, evocative images. So far, just appreciating the mood. I'll return to this and if anything more specific strikes me, I'll report back,

Chris



Aug/30/2013, 3:52 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


queenfisher,

No, for me it was just images of the suburbs and of my wildfire fighting days of my youth. But a poem can mean different things to different people, so I wouldn't write off your own impressions. Thanks much. Zak


quote:

queenfisher wrote:

dear zak

are you describing the turmoil in egypt?

that's what i'm reading.

it's a good job done - concrete, concise, compact & clear.

love the last image.

it's told as it's seen - that's what i like about your writing. it's very focused.



Aug/30/2013, 3:54 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


Good poem, Zak. As Chris says it is image-evokative. As a side note, and since the poem brings it to mind, it was William Blake who, so far as I know, was the first to point out that Dante's hell was far more interesting, rich in character and material, than was his heaven.

Tere
Sep/7/2013, 9:28 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


Terreson,

Thanks for reading and commenting. William Blake -- a great poet. Yeah, I've had railroad workers, denizens of neighborhood bars, factory workers say the same thing -- though in a different way, that hell is where all their buddies will be, so it will be a better place to be than where churchgoers go. Zak

quote:

Terreson wrote:

Good poem, Zak. As Chris says it is image-evokative. As a side note, and since the poem brings it to mind, it was William Blake who, so far as I know, was the first to point out that Dante's hell was far more interesting, rich in character and material, than was his heaven.

Tere



Sep/16/2013, 8:12 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


Hi Zak,

I think the repetition here works well. It really sets the tone/mood of the piece and gives me a hint of eternal recurrence, which the Dante reference reinforces. To me this poem feels very open, like a sketch or a dream.

I enjoyed reading this poem and then going back to reread your earlier poem "Dante in Winter", comparing and contrasting the two. I think they both work, separately and together, and could see them bookending a chapbook perhaps. I was wondering how you see the relationship between the two? The earlier poem feels more concrete, has more of the narrtive details filled in. I don't know which version was written first, but I like that you revisited the setting and theme in this way.

Last edited by Katlin, Sep/25/2013, 8:44 am
Sep/25/2013, 8:43 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
arkava Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


wat kat said. took me a few reads to get the cadence. tere's comments push me towards blake as a possible inspiration here. also had probs initially w/ the first "wide ending" grammatically. but a curved sidewalk, so my thoughts went, is wide ending. like a curved path in the mountains.

enjyd
arka
Oct/13/2013, 9:39 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


Katlin,

I'd have to go back downstairs to see which was written first. They weren't written too far apart, maybe days, maybe weeks. "Dante in Winter" does have more detail, but this one has the curved sidewalk. I feel rather than understand the reference to the curved sidewalk. I can speculate that there's a connection with the curvature of the universe, of the curve of an egg, of the symbol for eternity; hence too the link to Dante's Inferno. But I'm just guessing, since much of what we do is intuitive, rather than logical. Logical only on the surface. I think we're all very similar in this. Thanks for your kind comments. Zak

 
quote:

Katlin wrote:

Hi Zak,

I think the repetition here works well. It really sets the tone/mood of the piece and gives me a hint of eternal recurrence, which the Dante reference reinforces. To me this poem feels very open, like a sketch or a dream.

I enjoyed reading this poem and then going back to reread your earlier poem "Dante in Winter", comparing and contrasting the two. I think they both work, separately and together, and could see them bookending a chapbook perhaps. I was wondering how you see the relationship between the two? The earlier poem feels more concrete, has more of the narrtive details filled in. I don't know which version was written first, but I like that you revisited the setting and theme in this way.



Oct/17/2013, 10:17 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


arka,

Thanks for reading and commenting. As I mentioned above to Katlin, a lot of what we do is probably intuitive. Like "wide ending." I did like Blake, though didn't read much of Blake. Come to think of it, he reminds me of Flannery O'Connor, the lady writer from the South who died young of lupus. Zak

quote:

arkava wrote:

wat kat said. took me a few reads to get the cadence. tere's comments push me towards blake as a possible inspiration here. also had probs initially w/ the first "wide ending" grammatically. but a curved sidewalk, so my thoughts went, is wide ending. like a curved path in the mountains.

enjyd
arka



Oct/17/2013, 10:20 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
arkava Profile
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Re: a curved sidewalk


can there be anything but intuition. it's good to hear it spoken out. once we lose it, we are just memes.
Oct/17/2013, 11:58 am Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 


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