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ineese Profile
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Tea Rings & Scones


He wears same mint julep shirt,
white tie. Still trying to grow a beard,
small as a subtitle.

He's in front of a bakery window.
Tea rings ot scones? A decision neither of us
could make.
We begin to walk down one end of the street.
Then the other.
What better gift than a friend

who knows to be silent before he speaks.
A great tree whose life flows through his limbs.
If he holds my hand, it will ruin

the moment. He begins to ramble
more than evening traffic along the boulevard:

Each fog has a purpose.
Two knives sharpening is really a kiss.
Margins are meant to be filled in by pencil.
The scars on my neck are shaped like cicada shells

We part, a small laugh breaks out between us.
I return home to remember his words.


Last edited by ineese, Sep/16/2013, 2:02 pm
Sep/1/2013, 5:24 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


I've been on Google+ too much so here I search for the "+1" or "Like" button.
In more considered English:
Such a lovely sentiment of friendship, of comfortable companions, feels uplifting about an inch above common broken ground. Thanks for giving this experience.
Sep/2/2013, 2:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


That is funny. How our lives have evolved

with technology. I still refuse to text!

Thank you for reading/commenting.
Sep/2/2013, 9:49 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


dear ineese

a lovely intimate scene! like!

love the lines:

who knows to be silent before he speaks.
A great tree whose life flows through his limbs.
If he held my hand, it would ruin...

i keep reading the lines (with a variation at the end) as:

who knows to be silent before he speaks.
A great tree whose life flows through his limbs.
If he held my hand, it would rain!

but i suppose that would be the opposite of what you're trying to say - but the 'great tree' goes very well with rain!

the statements in the second last stanza are sharp but i'm not sure of the implications.

enjoyed the read!
 
Sep/3/2013, 3:21 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Thank you so much for the input here!
Sep/8/2013, 3:24 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


ineese,

Like how somehow you make this ordinary, yet profoundly not ordinary. Love it that this guy is silent before he speaks. What a great lesson. The two knives sharpening is mysterious (to me). Thank you for sharing this with us. Zak


ineese wrote:

He wears same mint julep shirt,
white tie. Still trying to grow a beard,
small as a subtitle.

He's in front of a bakery window.
Tea rings and scones? A decision neither of us
could make.
We began to walk down one end of the street.
Then the other.
What better gift than a friend

who knows to be silent before he speaks. [Great thought; good lines.]
A great tree whose life flows through his limbs.
If he held my hand, it would ruin

the moment. He begins to ramble
more than evening traffic along the boulevard.

Each fog has a purpose.
Two knives sharpening is really a kiss.
Margins are meant to be filled in by pencil.
The scars on my neck are shaped like cicada shells

When we part, a small laugh breaks out between us.
I return home to remember his words.



Sep/10/2013, 1:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Thank you!
Sep/12/2013, 2:13 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Hi,

I think you've a bit of a tense problem. Seems to me you flit between past and present.

You might set this off in italics? I take this to be memorable things he said.

quote:

Each fog has a purpose.
Two knives sharpening is really a kiss.
Margins are meant to be filled in by pencil.
The scars on my neck are shaped like cicada shells



I'm not usually a grammar/punctuation person but those stuck out.

Lovely poem. I really enjoyed!

C
Sep/14/2013, 10:40 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Thank you C,

a little time traveling going on here!

I will fix that. Yes the lines you quoted were the

lines he had spoken. I see no way of doing italics in this forum though, so that was problematic.

Last edited by ineese, Sep/16/2013, 2:00 pm
Sep/16/2013, 2:00 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Hi Kathleen,

I agree with everyone who has said this is a lovely poem about the relationship between two friends. The poem reads quite naturally, without overreaching.

I was going to make the same suggestion Caroline did about the use of italics. We do have them on the board. When you are typing a post, look up above the Message box and you will see a list of buttons. Click the "I" button at the at the beginning of what you want to italicize and then click "/I" at the end of the italicized portion, and that should do the trick!

FYI: The "B" buttons can be used for bold, and the "U" buttons can be used for underlining.

I know you sometimes have trouble with your vision online, so I'm hoping you can see these boxes. Please let me know if you have any questions!

Thanks for posting, Kathleen. I enjoyed this gentle read. emoticon
Sep/16/2013, 3:31 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Thank you so much. You're so kind!!

I will check that out. I knew I probably

missed something.
Sep/17/2013, 1:58 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Yes, indeed. A vignette, a self-contained moment set in relief. I can see the moment clearly, which tells me the poem works. But I think it is the tension underlying the moment that reaches me more.

Tere
Sep/21/2013, 2:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ineese Profile
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Re: Tea Rings & Scones


Tere,

Thank you. I've been traveling and have some revisions to do.
Nov/2/2013, 4:32 pm Link to this post Send PM to ineese Blog
 


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