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queenfisher Profile
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When Dreams Invade


The unconscious kicks,
the sleeping conscious springs to life.
Morning stirs, swirls in rings, swallowed
in a single yawn.

Light expands the eyes,
contracts the pupils. The brain adjusts,
juggles the nerves, muscles jump:
the door bangs shut.

I confront the other me,
confronts me. Rituals complete,
the crimson towel drops at my feet
in a pool of blood.

The red carnation
gasps for breath. I go out in a series
of bubbles, bursting. The afternoon’s
hot, I slither along,

silted river beds.
Sinuously snaking towards the sea,
gathering pebbles on the underside
of my belly:

I cool myself,
until I’m thrown into the weeds.
Lying like a dog, paws raised, I drown
into the blue.

Yellow flowers
wave like flags hysterically,
white clouds sit in judgment:
sentenced for life!

Cumulus hammers
slam down, a nimbus convict escapes.
Fierce rain forces me to run for cover.
It’s raining in sheets,

rebounding on its feet.
Mists gather the hills in a bear hug,
there’s nothing to be seen.
In spite of no sun

the white is blinding.
A tattered piece of lightning
entwines itself, an unsuspecting
lamppost is lit.

The sun sneaks in –
a forgotten ghost, a chance rainbow
arches eyebrows in fright, turns pale
green, pink.

The earth opens
its mouth – a greedy snake,
flicks it’s tongue, swallows
the rainbow.

Its bloated belly
bursts in streams. White foam kick
the black rocks, taking the brown leaves
for a ride.

I stand at the centre –
watch myself revolve. Turning translucent,
I disappear into the mist, spinning, grinding,
milling for eons –

husk in the wind.
Galaxies collapse, stars burn out –
a handful of ash. Old ends give rise to
new beginnings,

in search of former selves –
more shadowy with each turn - more ghostly
than the last. A little mangy dog appears
from nowhere,

wags in agreement.
Time to go home – you doggone mutt.
He trots along, faithful till the end
of the road,

abandoning me at the beginning…
of mine.

Oct/25/2013, 3:50 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


Hi Queen,

I'd like to look at the start of this to start. Just to share my impressions and see if I am anywhere close to your intent? Makes me think of a very strange twist on the Adam/Eve story. I thought I come up with wild stuff! I think being strange can be what makes us unique as writers.

The unconscious kicks,
the sleeping conscious springs to life.
Morning stirs, swirls in rings, swallowed
in a single yawn.

Light expands the eyes,
contracts the pupils. The brain adjusts,
juggles the nerves, muscles jump:
the door bangs shut.

I confront the other me,
confronts me. Rituals complete,
the crimson towel drops at my feet
in a pool of blood.
//this echoes of a woman who is menstruating or having an abortion yet it is a ritual so I think of the person stabbing themself as if it is a very painless thing to do Yet to me it sounds frightening.

The red carnation
gasps for breath. I go out in a series
of bubbles, bursting. The afternoon’s
hot, I slither along,
the person performs some sort of ritual and devolves into a snake?

In poems anything is possible! And yet, transitions describing a major transformation can be very critical. I think I would feel less confused with a drop more or clearer writing about this change, between the bubble bursting and "I slither along"? Just a thought . . .as I'm not sure I got it anyways. . .

Best,

Caroline

Last edited by carolinex, Nov/13/2013, 11:48 pm
Nov/13/2013, 11:41 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


dear carolene
thanks for responding!

this is a strange poem - so i understand your dilemma & appreciate your effort & time.

i guess this is a result of watching strange surrealistic movies, reading strange stuff etc. (have been watching fassbinder movies!)

i take this poem as both the dream state & the real - merging into one - till it becomes impossible to distinguish one from the other. i guess N doesn't know either.

i wonder if we do a lot of things at the unconscious level - is it the unconscious that drives the conscious?

by 'unconscious' i don't mean 'becoming unconscious' when ill / fainting / coma

but the three levels of consciouness i think best described by Freud - the conscious which deals with everyday functions or maybe the waking stage. the pre or subconscious - the middle stage - & the unconscious - that deep dark realm manifested through dreams. according to Freud only 10% makes for the conscious level - the rest are the other two levels - which i find very interesting.

here i've tried to merge all levels - everything is blurred - there are no fine lines - N is in a state which could be all real or all dream or part real part dream - one thing is certain that the unconscious is the driving force behind the conscious & kicks the 'sleeping conscious' awake. there is a dichotomy here because the unconscious' is suppose to be the sleeping partner - but here ive tried to show that the unconscious is actually the active part driving the conscious - always present & aware & taking over the conscious in more ways than one.

i want this to feel like a surrealistic movie or painting - at the same time trying to search for truth.

the crimson towel - might just be a red towel with no blood that might appear to be - a pool of blood - depends how cleverly the director shows the scene! & how confused & guessing he wants the audience to be!

same goes with 'slithering' & the rest of the poem - N might appear to be a snake & then take human form! haha!

i think it's just a blurring of the conscious & just like anything is possible in a poem - anything is possible when the unconscious takes over!

maybe reality is seen through a prism.

i don't know if i've explained anything clearly - but i'm trying!

but thank you so much for the interest.
Nov/14/2013, 5:14 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


Your description is clear and interesting. I can be dense so don't assume you would need to explain to others. Now that I have a better frame of reference, I think your title is very good at explaining.

It does seem surreal as it is. I wonder if the very first stanza were a tad clearer?
I wonder. . . if it were time to go to sleep instead of morning it would feel more like the natural time of entering an unconscious state?

Also with the blood, if you want it to turn into not really blood, just a tad more transition?

As I have a surreal side also, I have found the transitions ask the most of a reader.

Anyway, it is quite a ride this poem. I dig the total weirdness of it! The other worlds are really freaky to think about. As a friend pointed out to me recently, at least every morning you do come back into your body again.

Nov/15/2013, 9:25 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
Terreson Profile
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To me this poem is not at all strange, not if I let go and give the poem the lead. I'm figuring the logic of its syntax works at the liminal level, that threshold between the conscious and unconscious. And it works awfully well for me. This is a fine poem. The kind of poem that makes the English language, originally a Germanic language, young again. It's a damn good poem.

Tere
Nov/28/2013, 8:45 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


dear caroline

thanks for coming back - will look into the points mentioned - glad you liked the total weirdness of it!

Dear Tere

have been out of action - minor eye surgery - healing now - but still have to take it easy.
thanks so much for the encouraging words - always a go-ahead signal! it's fun playing with the language & taking it for a roller-coaster ride! i was very happy with the cloud bit! sometimes they look like judges with white wigs - was sp. pleased with the nimbus convict! even tho i say it myself!
it was fun!
Dec/4/2013, 1:20 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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The only struggle I had with the poem was when the towel dropped into a pool of blood. It's not such a problem when I see that it is a combination of waking and dreaming. The poem as a totality is -- I hesitate to say magnificent until I read it again. But I catch myself thinking I've not read one this good from you before, or maybe just once. For that reason, I believe I'll nominate it. Let me know if you object. Zak
Dec/20/2013, 4:25 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


dear zak

Thank you very much - but i'd just nominated my poem for last month i think - cheap at four flights.

I am really honored about your nom - but i think i would like to wait - maybe work on the poem more - improve on it.

& if at a later date if it's still worthy of nomination - i would be thrilled.

thanks so much - means a lot to me

& thanks for all the praise.
Dec/20/2013, 5:36 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


hi queenfisher,

I see you've declined to have this poem nommed
for the ibpc this time around.

It's easier for me to follow the process if responses are posted in the ibpc thread where the noms are posted. I know we're just launching this new way of doing things and it will take a little time for folks to get used to the new system emoticon

Thanks for responding so quickly,

Chris
Dec/20/2013, 10:07 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


Hi queenfisher,

Dammit, I just lost my comments on your poem. Grrrr. Will come back.
Jan/3/2014, 11:59 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
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Re: When Dreams Invade


Okay, so I’ll try again.

I’ve read this poem many times since you first posted it. This morning I read through the comments as well and found them helpful. I had some of the same concerns/confusions others have mentioned. I did get the general gist that the poem was about the merging of different states of consciousness and the morphing of one self into “another”. One change that I think would help me better orient myself right off the bat:

The unconscious kicks in,

Also, this tweak to the first two lines of the third stanza:

I confront the other me,
confronting me.
--or--
I confront the other me,
confront me.

I didn’t really understand the ritual/crimson towel/pool of blood sequence, but the snake references later in the poem made me think the N was shedding one skin/self for another.

I thought I heard Eliot in these lines:

Old ends give rise to
new beginnings,

And maybe Joyce in the appearance of the mangy dog.

I am also interested in how the three states of consciousness operate in our world today but am drawn more toward Jung’s approach than to Freud’s. Although your poem is not as dark, it made me think of some lines from a Robert Lowell poem:

The Aquarium is gone. Everywhere,
giant finned cars nose forward like fish;
a savage servility
slides by on grease.

Your poem strikes me as trying to keep nature—inner and outer—alive. You are working with “big” themes.
Jan/3/2014, 12:21 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Katlin Profile
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PS A note to everyone:

Yes, please accept or decline an IBPC nom in the nominating thread. It makes it easier for Chris and I, but it also makes it easier for other members who may not see the response in another thread and so hesitate to "second" the nom or offer a new one. TY
Jan/3/2014, 12:25 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
queenfisher Profile
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Re: When Dreams Invade


rather late in the day but:

A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

& my apologies - next time i will use the correct thread for accepting / declining.

Thanks Katlin - once again for such a close read - & the kind of feedback i wanted. i will be making the changes keeping all the
suggestions in mind

love the quote from Lowell's poem.

glad the poem kept you engaged!

the human mind / brain is always a fascinating subject - there could be so many leveles of consciousness that we might use throughout the day / night - depending on which we use - to do what! or as the requirement may be! it's the vastness of the human mind that is so fascinating - almost always expanding like space! i think the brain has the same limitless scope as outer space! there is no limit to thought! & what we can do with it - fine examples are the scientists / artists - also goes for all human beings - i feel we're carrying within our minds - something vast & limitless!
Jan/8/2014, 2:29 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 


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