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arkava Profile
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To separate a peak of blue-white


Tinnitus ready to be your shadow
A tree suspended in the staccato
of your breathing
Only too ready to separate
a flight of stairs from the rooms
they lead up to
In the evening a peak of blue-white
luminescence on tables
makes rounded islands
Soon low-hanging lights
budding in the dark
 
I am bad with names
Every street is not part
of “a decadal survey”
“imperatives”
but can gain from free fall
Thin bowl of the near-vacuum
unearthed from a sudden echo
of trees and carrion programs
refusing to fade out
as constellations
“all are explained, without exception”
 
But cannot rest
But the rest
the sound of your breathing



Last edited by arkava, Dec/14/2013, 10:49 pm
Dec/9/2013, 10:37 am Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: To separate a peak of blue-white


Arkava, There is a reference to breathing in the third line, and again at the end of the poem. There appears to be an impulse to go visceral or even personal with this reference to breathing, and the poem has some good lines but is also oblique. Might be I’m dense. Would like the quotes removed and the poem made more direct. In the first line I am thrown by the word “Tinnitus” – looked it up and could not figure it out. Refers to buzzing, and again maybe I am thick between the ears, and cannot figure out this buzzing between my ears. Thanks for posting. I hope you get more responses, perhaps some stronger than mine. Always enjoy your efforts. Zak

Tinnitus ready to be your shadow
A tree suspended in the staccato
of your breathing
Only too ready to separate
a flight of stairs from the rooms
they lead up to [This is my favorite line; the stairs lead to an open-ended resolution]
In the evening a peak of blue-white
luminescence on tables [good line]
makes rounded islands
Soon low-hanging lights
budding in the dark [good image]
  
I am bad with names [So am I, alas]
Every street is not part
of “a decadal survey”
“imperatives” [these words in quotes seem disconnected from the poem. I would rather have a direct connection, and a firm meaning rather than a “special” meaning here]
but can gain from free fall
Thin bowl of the near-vacuum
unearthed from a sudden echo
of trees and carrion programs [carrion programs seems too oblique]
refusing to fade out
as constellations [I get refusing to fade out, but why as constellations? If it’s important that they be constellations . . . ]
“all are explained, without exception” [Again, why the quotes?]
  
But cannot rest
But the rest
the sound of your breathing [These last three lines appear forced as they stand. There appears to be a bifurcation in the “I am bad with names” and the oblique nature of the rest of the poem, and then it becomes personal again at the end.]
Dec/21/2013, 7:04 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: To separate a peak of blue-white


hi arka,

This poem made me think of the relationship between thingy things and intangible stuff.
"Tinnitus" and "shadow"--audible, visible or palpable but not quite formed into anything permanent...somewhere between consciously experienced and subliminal.

Well, probably not what you had in mind, but my impressions.

Chris

Last edited by Christine98, Dec/21/2013, 9:40 am
Dec/21/2013, 9:23 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: To separate a peak of blue-white


Hi arka,

I have read your poem many times since you first posted it. I looked up “decadal survey” which took me to a NASA link. I wasn’t sure that was right, but the poem does mention constellations so I thought, “okay.” I wasn’t sure googling “all are explained, without exception” would come up with any relevant hits but it did:

[28] In this [way], cause, effect, feeling, feeler, and so forth, the seer, the visible, and so forth — whatever may be — all are explained, without exception.

http://www.bodhicitta.net/nagarjuna%20Sunyatasapati.htm

Right from the first line I began to read this poem in conjunction with other poems you have posted recently. I think I mentioned to you earlier, that the term “tinnitus” doesn’t resonate with me personally, so I found the metaphor in this line telling:

Tinnitus ready to be your shadow

“your shadow” sets up what Zak refers to as the “personal” in the poem as well as what Chris refers to as the “palpable but not quite formed into anything permanent”. I like the way the N in the poem confides in the reader (I am bad with names) and corrects and grounds himself (Every street is not part
of “a decadal survey” ). There is an ongoing tension in the poem between the personal/impersonal, grounded/ungrounded, restful/restless.

I can’t say I’ve come to any hard and fast conclusions about the poem, so I offer these observations in the hope they might prove useful.
Jan/3/2014, 1:29 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
arkava Profile
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Re: To separate a peak of blue-white


Hey Zak,

Thanks for keeping it real brother! i have to agree this is a fail. I have tried again and again to make something out of it but i had plain run out of breath. Let me see if I can now. Thanks for the read. Will salvage some of the lines.

Hey Chris,

quote:


"Tinnitus" and "shadow"--audible, visible or palpable but not quite formed into anything permanent...somewhere between consciously experienced and subliminal.



if i had to come up with why tinnitus this is what i want to say and possibly have tried to in the prev poems.
Unfortunately in this case the poem has stopped saying anything at all even to me and it has not earned its tinnitus. So up and onwards.

Hey Kat,

Thing is i have banged my head against this for some time and no headway. Yeah the decadal survey came from the NASA thing and the other quote from Nagarjuna. But this entire poem seems abortive now. The tinnitus is a very real buzz, a carrier signal for conscviousness, and a sound only you can listen to within yourself. But here even i cannot hear it. Just came back from the hills. (this place called Dalhousie) Might try revising. Let me see. Thanks so much for the reads and thoughts.

yrs
arka
Jan/4/2014, 8:40 am Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: To separate a peak of blue-white


Tinnitus ready to be your shadow
A tree suspended in the staccato
of your breathing
Only too ready to separate
a flight of stairs from the rooms
they lead up to
In the evening a peak of blue-white
luminescence on tables
makes rounded islands
Soon low-hanging lights
budding in the dark
  
I am bad with names
Every street is not part
of “a decadal survey”
“imperatives”
but can gain from free fall
Thin bowl of the near-vacuum
unearthed from a sudden echo
of trees and carrion programs
refusing to fade out
as constellations
“all are explained, without exception”
  
But cannot rest
But the rest
the sound of your breathing

---------------

Maybe serendipity brought me here just now when I am feeling surging phantoms in the ether.

Maybe this piece no longer speaks to you; but I love it. It breathes atmosphere.
Tinnitus, a shadow, standing, a long organic growth,
the rhythm of natural breath sustained, yet divided, occluded, separated.
The simple beauty of perception; the separation of both modernity and eternity.
The coming back to simplicity of breath.
Jan/6/2014, 10:43 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
arkava Profile
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Re: To separate a peak of blue-white


Thank you libra. Your comments on this resonate with me. I will try revising this. Really grateful to you for reminding me of my original impulse here

quote:


Tinnitus, a shadow, standing, a long organic growth,the rhythm of natural breath sustained, yet divided, occluded, separated. 

Jan/13/2014, 9:57 pm Link to this post Send Email to arkava   Send PM to arkava Blog
 


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