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Zakzzz5 Profile
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Mother Leaving


Mother Mary sits by a fire in my memory
Never having sung for me, never having prayed
Never having walked among the bulrushes
Always quiet in her silent passionate grief
Never having said “Son I love you” not with words
No my Mother Mary is not from Duluth, nor Farmington
Nor from any other desirable city or locale

The grief I feel in retrospect is immense
I see her now by the water now resting
I see her on a rock in the water
Her eyes shadowed by a head covering
Perhaps a shawl

There is a finality to the day
And to the night when Mother leaves
The day the sun grows orange or the moon red
Or when a dust blows across the cityscape
Blowing newspapers and banknotes
Even memories, incantations across the wheatfield


Last edited by Zakzzz5, Mar/21/2015, 6:32 am
Feb/27/2015, 1:49 pm Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Christine98 Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


Hi Zak,

What a happy surprise to see your poem here this morning! Hope all's well with you.

I read the poem twice and will return to it soon before I can properly comment,

best,

Chris
Feb/28/2015, 11:54 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


hi Zak,

So this strikes me as biblical/mythic/modern and personal all at once.

Mostly an abandoned sense: Never having sung for me/Never having said "Son I love you/
a finality to the day...when Mother leaves




The grief I feel in retrospect is immense


Powerful language and images, Zak. I'd love to know what triggered them,

best,

Chris
Mar/1/2015, 9:37 am Link to this post Send Email to Christine98   Send PM to Christine98
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


Thanks, Chris. I guess the complement to the absence of the words "I love you" are "not with words."

Much appreciate you're looking at it. Zak
Mar/1/2015, 10:53 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


Hi Zak,

I like this very much. The language is honest and tender, as is the longing expressed. What I especially like about the poem is that Mother Mary can refer to both a real life mother (figure) and to the feminine or goddess principle. In this, I am reminded of Sufi love poetry, which can be seen as addressing a physical lover, the Divine Beloved, or both.

Really good to be reading you again, in general, but also to be reading this poem about mystery and loss, in particular.
Mar/10/2015, 10:12 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


dear zak - love the title - love the poem - beautiful portrait of mother...

There is a finality to the day
And to the night when Mother leaves

how right!

lovely melancholic scene you paint here:

The day the sun grows orange or the moon red
Or when a dust blows across the cityscape
Blowing newspapers and banknotes
Even memories, incantations across the wheatfield

your poem reminds me of the beatles song: let it be!
Mar/16/2015, 1:06 am Link to this post Send Email to queenfisher   Send PM to queenfisher Blog
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving


On the strength of the poems of yours I've read over the years, this is quite different. Tone is markedly lyrical and in an elegiac way. Not something you're much given to. Or so I think.

3 Spots where I stumble: locale, in retrospect, cityscape. First and last because a bit abstract to me, not something I can grab hold of. "In retrospect" confuses me. In retrospect of what? After the grief or after the loss.

Good stuff.

Tere
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Re: Mother Leaving


oh, zak
immense melancholy in solitude
in retrospect
in seeing again what never was
that wrenched pull, that extraction of
gut of heart of blood rust
gently, slowly, respectfully
like water unrecognized as tears
Mar/29/2015, 2:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


Katlin,

Yes, while triggered by my mother's passing away, I think this encompassed much more for me, as you have rightly observed. Thank you very much for reading. And hope to see more of you soon. Zak

quote:

Katlin wrote:

Hi Zak,

I like this very much. The language is honest and tender, as is the longing expressed. What I especially like about the poem is that Mother Mary can refer to both a real life mother (figure) and to the feminine or goddess principle. In this, I am reminded of Sufi love poetry, which can be seen as addressing a physical lover, the Divine Beloved, or both.

Really good to be reading you again, in general, but also to be reading this poem about mystery and loss, in particular.



Mar/30/2015, 10:55 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
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Re: Mother Leaving, Mother Mysterium


queenfisher,

Yes, a certain melancholy. Memories from the past. I worried about the Beatles' reference, but then they also borrowed a very iconic image. Thanks. Zak

quote:

queenfisher wrote:

dear zak - love the title - love the poem - beautiful portrait of mother...

There is a finality to the day
And to the night when Mother leaves

how right!

lovely melancholic scene you paint here:

The day the sun grows orange or the moon red
Or when a dust blows across the cityscape
Blowing newspapers and banknotes
Even memories, incantations across the wheatfield

your poem reminds me of the beatles song: let it be!



Mar/30/2015, 11:14 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
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Re: Mother Leaving


Terreson,

Yes, in retrospect. The mother having passed away. I used my own mother's passing as an anchor. But I tried to make the poem something more than the simple passing away. You're right, I don't often used phrases like "passionate grief." I appreciate the insights. Zak

quote:

Terreson wrote:

On the strength of the poems of yours I've read over the years, this is quite different. Tone is markedly lyrical and in an elegiac way. Not something you're much given to. Or so I think.

3 Spots where I stumble: locale, in retrospect, cityscape. First and last because a bit abstract to me, not something I can grab hold of. "In retrospect" confuses me. In retrospect of what? After the grief or after the loss.

Good stuff.

Tere



Mar/30/2015, 11:17 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
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Re: Mother Leaving


Libra,

What can I say. You've answered with your own rewinding of some of the phrases. They do speak to me, and for that I thank you. Zak

quote:

libramoon wrote:

oh, zak
immense melancholy in solitude
in retrospect
in seeing again what never was
that wrenched pull, that extraction of
gut of heart of blood rust
gently, slowly, respectfully
like water unrecognized as tears



Mar/30/2015, 11:19 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
arkava Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving


Mother Mary sits by a fire in my memory

not sure if “in my memory” is modifying fire instead of the main clause. Not sure you need that phrase. Or maybe a dif one. Unless you want to keep the faint rhyming/allieteation

 
Never having sung for me, never having prayed
Never having walked among the bulrushes
Always quiet in her silent passionate grief
Never having said “Son I love you” not with words
No my Mother Mary is not from Duluth, nor Farmington
Nor from any other desirable city or locale

lovely lovely cadence. The long list of no’s adding up to how she was. Who she is to the N.

The grief I feel in retrospect is immense
I see her now by the water now resting
I see her on a rock in the water
Her eyes shadowed by a head covering
Perhaps a shawl

this perhaps cinches the entire poem for me. Especially followed by the “finality” in the next strophe. Compressing grief and years into an image requires us to blur some details, make statements, communicate. Here we are allowed a glimpse into that decision. I liked the way the image is built up. by the water now resting (here “now resting” is beautifully used to modify perhaps the water as also the figure) then more specific “a rock in the water”. There is no connection given between these two positions but left to us to connect. In fact the N seems to be looking at her from the same space as we are. “Her eyes shadowed” a worshipful/ meditative image, also of intense grief, the spare descriptions add to that sense.

There is a finality to the day

love this line

And to the night when Mother leaves
The day the sun grows orange or the moon red
Or when a dust blows across the cityscape
Blowing newspapers and banknotes
Even memories, incantations across the wheatfield

beautiful. Nothing to add here really. I think I agree with what the others have said before me. There is a powerful mxing of the personal and the universal, biblical and modern. Cityscape is out of place. Soemthing more immediate, more tactile would help perhaps. A simple “city”. Very much enjoyed overall. Thanks for posting.

Last edited by arkava, Apr/1/2015, 1:02 pm
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Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving


Thanks, Arka, for your comments. I sometimes can't fix where I leave fissures in the rocks. But I appreciate that you read and comments. Zak

 arkava wrote:

Mother Mary sits by a fire in my memory

not sure if “in my memory” is modifying fire instead of the main clause. Not sure you need that phrase. Or maybe a dif one. Unless you want to keep the faint rhyming/allieteation
It's intended to modify "Mother Mary sits by the fire" & I had hoped the lines that followed would make it so. That first line is hard for me to replace, even though it might be a little syrupy.
 
Never having sung for me, never having prayed
Never having walked among the bulrushes
Always quiet in her silent passionate grief
Never having said “Son I love you” not with words
No my Mother Mary is not from Duluth, nor Farmington
Nor from any other desirable city or locale

lovely lovely cadence. The long list of no’s adding up to how she was. Who she is to the N.

The grief I feel in retrospect is immense
I see her now by the water now resting
I see her on a rock in the water
Her eyes shadowed by a head covering
Perhaps a shawl

this perhaps cinches the entire poem for me. Especially followed by the “finality” in the next strophe. Compressing grief and years into an image requires us to blur some details, make statements, communicate. Here we are allowed a glimpse into that decision. I liked the way the image is built up. by the water now resting (here “now resting” is beautifully used to modify perhaps the water as also the figure) then more specific “a rock in the water”. There is no connection given between these two positions but left to us to connect. In fact the N seems to be looking at her from the same space as we are. “Her eyes shadowed” a worshipful/ meditative image, also of intense grief, the spare descriptions add to that sense.

There is a finality to the day

love this line

And to the night when Mother leaves
The day the sun grows orange or the moon red
Or when a dust blows across the cityscape
Blowing newspapers and banknotes
Even memories, incantations across the wheatfield

beautiful. Nothing to add here really. I think I agree with what the others have said before me. There is a powerful mxing of the personal and the universal, biblical and modern. Cityscape is out of place. Soemthing more immediate, more tactile would help perhaps. A simple “city”. Very much enjoyed overall. Thanks for posting.

Last edited by Zakzzz5, Apr/8/2015, 11:37 am
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arkava Profile
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Re: Mother Leaving


Not syrupy zeke. You used the right metaphor, rock. What makes a poem work is not grammar. But what it is. I have been off commenting on poems for a while now. These days i have trouble separating the poem from what it says and how it says it etc. i mean how to decide on a line in isolation. Yet i see close readings in some sites that tear down the poem, look into grammar, compare it to anything, do all sorts of things except read the poem. In this case i read and enjoyed the poem. But then got somewhat sidelined into the workshopping side of things. Not that it does not work, especially to clarify your own thoughts to yourself, give you fresh eyes, encourage you to change around things. But that's about it i guess. So no, not syrupy at all unless it is to you.
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