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Check
There must be something wrong
Look
Look again
Are you sure
Something must have been broken
Any wires frayed?
Any bolts loose?
Check
Check again
There has to be something wrong
There has to be something to fix
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Jun/2/2015, 12:56 am
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Re: Check
ohmylouise,
There is a kernel of a poem here. I like the use of wires frayed and bolts loose. You've got a grasp of the "real" but we need something more. We all know there is something wrong; we've all experienced it. It's a good moment when you've honed in on that experience.
But now you either have to flesh it out or pierce through it to another level.
Just my thoughts. Please disregard if this is not helpful. Thx
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Jun/6/2015, 5:29 am
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Re: Check
Oh, I like it. Almost like a sing-song self-calming ritual. It feels tragic.
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Jun/6/2015, 9:42 pm
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