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ohmylouise Profile
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Check


There must be something wrong
Look
Look again
Are you sure
Something must have been broken
Any wires frayed?
Any bolts loose?
Check
Check again
There has to be something wrong
There has to be something to fix
Jun/2/2015, 12:56 am Link to this post Send Email to ohmylouise   Send PM to ohmylouise Blog
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Check


ohmylouise,

There is a kernel of a poem here. I like the use of wires frayed and bolts loose. You've got a grasp of the "real" but we need something more. We all know there is something wrong; we've all experienced it. It's a good moment when you've honed in on that experience.

But now you either have to flesh it out or pierce through it to another level.

Just my thoughts. Please disregard if this is not helpful. Thx
Jun/6/2015, 5:29 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
libramoon Profile
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Re: Check


Oh, I like it. Almost like a sing-song self-calming ritual. It feels tragic.
Jun/6/2015, 9:42 pm Link to this post Send Email to libramoon   Send PM to libramoon Blog
 


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