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Terreson Profile
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Werther's New New Complaint


Werther's New Complaint

I cannot help but suspect
a certain diminishment when
at best, poets become atonal;

when first they elect to leave
the abandon of the fire dance and
the wilder woman mutes herself.
The rhythm then of the sown seed
declared obsolete, mostly mannered.

With lyricists taking to the tarmac,
who fly for citywise notions and for
circular motion of urban enclosure.
Only there, then again to hear the
half-remembered, surfacing urge,
the queasiness tagging them.
So then to set their musical score
in some shady elm, some suburban street.

And finally stopped in round retreat,
to comfortably sit ensconced
in discomfort to communicate
the soul stretch speak of their song
on the silent screen, through the
wormhole with entryway
securing a cornerspot in cyberspace.

But I remain unconvinced, since,
still I feel the ache in the ear to hear
the sensual,sensible pleasure of
rhythmic line, breath of syllable, and
storm of metric stress.

As equally unconvinced
in the groin I keep
by the sight and cerebral sign
of denatured, technic verse.

Terreson
 
Aug/25/2017, 7:59 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
GaryBFitzgerald Profile
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Re: Werther's New New Complaint


Ach du lieber! Sturm und drang.
Aug/26/2017, 3:31 pm Link to this post Send Email to GaryBFitzgerald   Send PM to GaryBFitzgerald
 
Mojave216 Profile
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Re: Werther's New New Complaint


I like the tight phrasing, each word seems airmailed, special delivery.

Werther was a suicide, I assume we are talking about that hapless soul.

two favorites:

when first they elect to leave
the abandon of the fire dance



and here:


But I remain unconvinced, since,
still I feel the ache in the ear to hear
the sensual,sensible pleasure of
rhythmic line, breath of syllable, and
storm of metric stress.


i would thin here, the poem is a struggle at best, give me a small break.


And finally stopped in round retreat,
to comfortably sit ensconced
in discomfort to communicate
the soul stretch speak of their song
on the silent screen, through the
wormhole with entryway
securing a cornerspot in cyberspace.



ambitious, tightly reasoned and the narrative is submerged but can be followed and understood.

one problem, has someone expressed a contrary POV?


bernie


Aug/26/2017, 9:06 pm Link to this post Send Email to Mojave216   Send PM to Mojave216 Blog
 


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