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dmanister Profile
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At Little Clove Lake


At Little Clove Lake

In while time, finding no mind
of my own, for the moment

oughtless, unfraught, more
than kin to carp and walleye

watching with their silver discs
tilting upward underwater,

finding it wise to lie low.

.







Last edited by dmanister, Jul/26/2009, 8:09 am
Jun/3/2009, 8:20 am Link to this post Send Email to dmanister   Send PM to dmanister
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: At Little Clove Lake


Diana,

My interpretation was that this is the perception of a fish in the water. Forgive me if I got it wrong. I suppose it could be a person underwater, except that there is a reference tilting silver disks. I think the concept very fine, while the language occasionally obtrudes, if that's the right word. Don't have time for the dictionary right now. A fine effort. And please disregard my observations and suggestions if they miss the mark, as I've said before, I am not a paid reviewer for any major publication. Zakzzz5

At Little Clove Lake

In while [I's find a better word than "while." I love the concept, it's a brilliant concept but the word isn't quite the word] time, finding no mind
of my own, for the moment

oughtless,[[Again, I like the idea, but don't like "oughtless. I do like "unfraught] unfraught, more
than kin to carp and walleye

watching with silver discs
tilting upward underwater

and finding it wise to lie low.

.





 

 
Jun/6/2009, 7:02 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: At Little Clove Lake


This is a poem, Diana. It has tension, gestalt, and organic unity. It also has a bit more: the poet's voice which pulls me into the scene.

Tere
Jun/6/2009, 6:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
dmanister Profile
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Re: At Little Clove Lake


Once again i forgot to check to be notified of replies. A thousand pardons to you Zakzzz and Tere.

I have some weird usages Zakzz, but in a collection of even several of my new poems they are so common readers get used to them.

Tere, I'm encouraged by your positive reaction to this. Muchos gracias amigo.

Diana

.
Jun/10/2009, 10:45 am Link to this post Send Email to dmanister   Send PM to dmanister
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: At Little Clove Lake


Diana,

"In while time,"

What a tone setter! The word, 'while' incorporates the concept of time as my dictionary tells me, "during the time that."
So indicates time occuring in paralel to the main action. "Oughtless" or without the imperative to act...a kind of drifting alongside or beneath the surface like the fish. But observant/aware, "watching...tilting upward"

Terrifically evocative. I have mixed feelings about the last line, "finding it wise to lie low." Too clever or pointed for
such a subtle poem, maybe?

Chris
Jun/13/2009, 2:01 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
dmanister Profile
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Re: At Little Clove Lake


Dear Chris,

Your encouraging comments are much appreciated! That last bit is a problem, but maybe that's good.

I have to live with this one before I make more changes.

I'm happy that you like "oughtless" -- it's an odd usage, but you got its meaning perfectly, as well as the mood and meaning of the rest of the poem.

I meant "lie low" literally -- low in the water, to be safe from hawks, herons, bears, whatever.

It's part of a cycle or suite of poems I'm doing now with subtexts of violence.

I think you got that in this one.The poem with the recurring statement by Henry James that is posted here, as well as "Then," continue the vague sense of dread of violence.

Diana

.
Jun/13/2009, 3:27 pm Link to this post Send Email to dmanister   Send PM to dmanister
 


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