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ChrisD1 Profile
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Table, Please


This creature, crossing the savanna
with its head hoisted to the top, its head
on the swiveling shoulders of Atlas,

scaffolding beneath,
tilted planks,
taut pulleys under

pin the involuted king,
genius

to have constructed the table I
told you in the savage grass.
Dec/19/2009, 11:11 am Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Chris,

I love the word choices in this and the music and tensions they create: creature, savanna, hoisted, swiveling, scaffolding, tilted planks, taut pulleys, etc. I like the line and stanza break in under/pin. Like, too, the use of king, which at the end of the line, resonates, thing. You've done a fine job blurring the lines between the civilized and the uncivilized, which crescendo into the final "I/told you in the savage grass."

What the exact storyline is I'm not sure. Fallen trees, forgotten forests, usurped nature? Man's precariaous, upright, seemingly lofty position at the table? Or not! I await further comments, other critiques. emoticon
Dec/19/2009, 9:43 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Table, Please


I don't think I've ever seen a poem or a poet looking to make sensual sense of how a sentient being could come out of chemistry's periodic table of elements. And it is true. You and I do. Damn impressive, Chrisfriend

Were the poem mine I would flesh it out, give it more body.

Tere
Dec/20/2009, 2:28 am Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Kat and Tere,

Thanks for meeting me half way on this one, especially when my half sort of ends in the mist. I feel reassured that there's something here--and confirmed in my suspicion that it's not quite all here.

Happy Sunday!

Chris
Dec/20/2009, 9:59 am Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
dmehl808 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


I've been rereading a lot of hemingway lately--not sure why--probably because 20's Paris--started with sun also rises moved on to a moveable feast (what a great book) and now have been reading the african short stories, francis macomber and the snows of kilimanjaro. this reminds me of the lion with half his head blown off, still clawing toward Wilson. I would not have seen the periodic table if not for tere--so stuck in my own recent reading and preoccupations--good wit and rhetoric. it's a strange combination periodic table and savanna--how did that connection come about for you?
Dec/20/2009, 7:36 pm Link to this post Send Email to dmehl808   Send PM to dmehl808
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


I wasn't thinking of the periodic table. I feel bad about that for some reason, it's like I'm making my friends work too hard.

I was thinking of how the brain turns words into constructs. If I say "table," your brain will construct a table. Meanwhile I'll
just describe this odd creature.

Could have been worse. When I realized I'd painted a picture of a high headed, plank limbed animal crossing the savanna, I was just glad it wasn't mistaken for a giraffe.

Thanks for stopping by, dm. It's always good to see you here.

Chris
Dec/20/2009, 8:35 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Chris,

I must admit I didn't see any periodic table. Furthermore, I couldn't really make heads or tails of the poem. Of course, I did have a sense of a large animal moving across the Savannah, and I did see the pulleys and see the word "table". A lot of poetry today merely suggests today, so you are not in any minority. Just giving you my thoughts.

I also fall into the crowd that says this could be fleshed out or revealed more somehow; and not necessarily by making it longer. Thanks for posting. Zak
quote:

ChrisD1 wrote:

I wasn't thinking of the periodic table. I feel bad about that for some reason, it's like I'm making my friends work too hard.

I was thinking of how the brain turns words into constructs. If I say "table," your brain will construct a table. Meanwhile I'll
just describe this odd creature.

Could have been worse. When I realized I'd painted a picture of a high headed, plank limbed animal crossing the savanna, I was just glad it wasn't mistaken for a giraffe.

Thanks for stopping by, dm. It's always good to see you here.

Chris



Dec/21/2009, 11:17 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
dmehl808 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Chris, I have a friend who doesn't think his poem succeeds unless every reader in the room comes up with a sustainable but different interpretation. Ambiguity isn't a bad thing. This is a good poem. It brings to bear Plato's complaint (but not in a bad way).
Dec/21/2009, 11:43 am Link to this post Send Email to dmehl808   Send PM to dmehl808
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


hey Zak,

No tails maybe, but no heads either? It's an irksome little thing at best.

So dm,

Guess by your friend's standards, this was a success. Thanks for stopping by again.

Chris
Dec/21/2009, 2:33 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: Table, Please


So why in the world does the poem bring to my mind chemistry's periodic table of elements? For some reason, and I wasn't smoking any whacky weed, it brought up those rows and columns. And then I imagined our first ancestor stepping out of a forest and walking that first savannah. And it came to me that she, she must have been a she to show such courage, was built out of such stuff as the table looks to represent. Then, and finally, I circled back to her with table, almost like a map of the human genome, in hand.

(Okay, okay. Anybody who thinks this way of thinking really doesn't need whacky weed is probably right.)

Tere

Last edited by Terreson, Dec/21/2009, 9:42 pm
Dec/21/2009, 7:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Tere, that's so beautiful I wish I'd intended it.

Thank you for attributing something so elegant to me.

Chris
Dec/21/2009, 8:52 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Hi, Chris. I want to steal your last two lines here. emoticon

I like the rest of it too. That creature reminds me of those Pleistocene footprints of two hominids walking, one big and one small. Do you know that stuff? Sorry, irrelevant really, but I am pathologically tangential.

On a poetry thing I wonder if you could lose one of those uses of 'its head'? Second one, probably...

Other than that, yeah!

Steve.
Dec/28/2009, 6:35 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
pjouissance Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Hi,

Chess!

Auto
Dec/28/2009, 8:27 pm Link to this post Send Email to pjouissance   Send PM to pjouissance
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: Table, Please


Steve,

I had such an image in mind actually. One of those dioramas of early hominids you see at a museum of natural history, or on PBS. Too many heads, huh? Maybe I'll lop one off.

Yay, Auto's here too!

Chris
Dec/28/2009, 9:06 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 


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