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SteveParker Profile
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red/wine/song


I suppose they will find me one morning
dreaming of running through snow
with my children
hunched there in the chair
red wine staining my mouth
he's dead they will say
though I won't be quite dead
I will protest as they lift me
carry me down the stairs
but they won't hear
I will try to reach out
as they carry me past the kids
to the ambulance
but reaching out will be all gone
Jan/10/2010, 9:59 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


This is a poem. When a poem straightens my back or makes me involuntarily get out of my chair I know I am face to face with a poem. Reaction always physical.

I am trying to figure out what the poem evokes, the larger thing. I see a dreamer prisoner to a working class man's body. That is the big thing I see. I also remember Mayakovsky's famous suicide poem:

~And, as they say, the incident is closed.
Love’s boat has smashed against the daily grind.
Now life and I are quits. Why bother then
to balance mutual sorrows, pains, and hurts.~

I think I am not going to parse the poem's technics. Too pure a poem for that for me.

Tere
Jan/11/2010, 1:17 am Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Thanks, Tere. I'm glad you get that this is more of a moment than a poem.

Steve.
Jan/11/2010, 1:45 am Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Comes through loud and clear, man. Been there. Scheduled to get back there again.

Tere
Jan/11/2010, 1:52 am Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Steve,

I really like this poem. It may be a moment but what a powerful moment it is. Damn. It reminds me of some of Raymond Carver's poetry. He's known for his short stories, and some people don't think he is much of a poet, but I do. His poems are often unpretentious, full of dry humor and zero in on the troubling heart of everyday matters, especially family matters and what it means to be a husband and father, the struggle between the inner and the outer man, the "dreamer prisoner to a working class man's body" as Tere notes. I love the opening: "I suppose." Love too the your poetic range, which this poem demonstrates in conjunction with your other work I've seen. Not a poem I'll soon forget. Sucks the air out of my chest. No nits. Thanks for posting this.
Jan/12/2010, 11:00 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Thanks, Katlin. I guess it is a no frills and just STFU and tell it poem. A personal horror story anyway, that might just come true. I didn't even know Raymond Carver wrote poetry. I've read some of his stories and found them a bit uncomfortable somehow. No doubt that was how they were intended. I imagine he would be a pretty edgy poet. I'll go and have a look what I can find. Thanks for the pointer.

Steve.
Jan/12/2010, 3:13 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Here you go Steveman.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Carver

Scroll down to see mention made of his poetry collections.

Edgy? Carver's hero and after whom he took in both prose and poetry was Chekhov. So I think you are right.

"A New Way to the Waterfall" was his last work, a collection of poetry, written while he was dying of cancer. Tess Gallagher's notes add something too.

And I wonder if Katfriend knows, likely she does, that Carver's writing teacher was John Gardner. I am sitting here thinking what's been lost in sense, at least on the American scene, after the likes of Gardner and Carver.

Tere
Jan/12/2010, 8:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Steve Parker,

I don't find the poem evocative. Probably not supposed to be. You say it's a moment, but to me it appears to be more a reflection of dread, perhaps. Or maybe simply an acceptance of what might/will be eventually. Many of us might see our end in a similar manner. I'm not sure that there's a pretty end in it for any of us.

I'm been hammered at the other site for mixing my non-use of commas with my use of commas. As a result of that, these things currently show up on my radar. I notice that you seem to capitalize each word where you sense a sentence might begin. I'm wondering if a sentence doesn't also begin at "he's dead." Either that, or in a normal structure, it would be a place for perhaps a semi-colon. I know this is a small, irksome, subject, and I apologize for it, but the hammering has had it's effect (I guess). Of course, you might know I've fought back on the issue.

The poem itself is complete, and leaves ample room for imaginings. It's no so concrete in meaning that it is uninteresting. The ending, in particular, is unusual in its wording. I find that interesting. It's a good poem. Zak

quote:

SteveParker wrote:

I suppose they will find me one morning
dreaming of running through snow
with my children
hunched there in the chair
red wine staining my mouth
he's dead they will say
though I won't be quite dead
I will protest as they lift me
carry me down the stairs
but they won't hear
I will try to reach out
as they carry me past the kids
to the ambulance
but reaching out will be all gone



Jan/13/2010, 6:31 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Okay, I looked him up. There are lots of his poems here: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/an-afternoon/

He's got quite a startling thing going on actually. You sort of want more, but then you realise you already got more than you should have. It's sort of like walking in on your neighbours and finding them naked but wearing weird hats and acting like it was normal. Cool stuff.

Zak, I just leave out the punctuation because I'm not into giving readers roadsigns to tell them how to read. That's up to them. I do what I can with line breaks etc, but I hate using those idiotic little puncts to direct other adults to 'feel this way'. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

Steve.
Jan/13/2010, 8:02 am Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
Zakzzz5 Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Zak, I just leave out the punctuation because I'm not into giving readers roadsigns to tell them how to read. That's up to them. I do what I can with line breaks etc, but I hate using those idiotic little puncts to direct other adults to 'feel this way'. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

Steve P, The spelling and the line breaks and the syntax themselves are road signs, it would seem.
 


Last edited by Zakzzz5, Jan/13/2010, 9:13 am
Jan/13/2010, 8:28 am Link to this post Send Email to Zakzzz5   Send PM to Zakzzz5
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Life is full of roadsigns, Zak. Many of them are unavoidable. But to assume that YOU need to be carefully directed and made to feel what I want you to feel seems a little patronising to me, so I try to avoid that. I'd rather give the reader the benefit of the doubt that he/she is capable of making his/her own mind up about it all. Plus, I confess, I want them to be a little awash and have to do it for themselves anyway. I've had it with prescriptive poetry. I don't feel like it is a reasonable political stance.

Steve.
Jan/13/2010, 10:03 am Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Seems different for you. Very sad poem. I know this one. I like how the dream is of something so freeing.

There are a few words you might consider nipping here and there? The thoughs and buts for instance. I also wonder about so many wills?

I think I will post a related poem...
Jan/13/2010, 4:15 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Umm, you know what, I sort of didn't want you to see it, Caroline. In fact I didn't want anyone to see it who might be able to relate it to me in any real sense. It embarrasses me a bit that I was able to write this. I guess that means it's too real for me.

I seem to be all undiagnosed at the moment.

But if anyone was going to see it, I guess you are one of the kindest people out there.

Steve.
Jan/13/2010, 9:47 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
Patricia Jones Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


quote:

SteveParker wrote:

Umm, you know what, I sort of didn't want you to see it, Caroline. In fact I didn't want anyone to see it who might be able to relate it to me in any real sense. It embarrasses me a bit that I was able to write this. I guess that means it's too real for me.

I seem to be all undiagnosed at the moment.

But if anyone was going to see it, I guess you are one of the kindest people out there.

Steve.



I think we all do that here, Steve, because we are comfortable posting things here we might not post on other boards. Sure, we bicker now and then quickly make up, but for me it is a safe haven for my most personal poems.

That said, I have to say that I am most comfortable posting on small boards like this one now. I understand the need/desire for growth, more poets to post and respond, but I know their arrival will make me more cautious...until I watch for a while, get a feel for them and become relaxed again. Hope that makes sense and is not taken as a negative about expanding. It's just relates to me, the way I feel...my trust and comfort level. Even my bad, perhaps.

Pat



---
"Don't you worry--I ain't evil, I'm just bad".
~Chris Smither~
Jan/14/2010, 2:35 am Link to this post Send Email to Patricia Jones   Send PM to Patricia Jones
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Hi, Pat. Yeah, there is this thing with small boards that they feel more like actual communities or something. Personally, I don't mind big boards either because I always find small boards within them and I just ignore all the rest of it. I think that is what most people do actually. Plus I really don't give two hoots about it if my poetry gets ripped apart these days. In fact I quite like it now, as I am not so insecure about it for it to hurt me. It used to hurt but it doesn't now. I kind of figure I already know what's wrong and what's right about it, so if someone tells me what's wrong I agree. If someone has some other agenda that makes them want to get heavy about my stuff, then hey I know where they are at and I don't get burned down about it. I wish I could write better, but I know I can write pretty well so I'm happy to be moving on with it. Every act of attention is a huge privilege for me. And I am cool with the internet now. Yeah, it's a fishbowl with a million people watching you undress, but really, who cares? I am good enough, and so are you, and in fact there's no one writing on this site who isn't good enough. Any of us should be happy to undress in public. But yes, it's nice to have this little family thing while we all get ourselves together and get reassured. But if this place explodes into a million members tomorrow I will still know what the centre is and so will you. I know I'm not exactly there at the centre, but you and your friends are, and that won't disappear just because any big swarm appears around it. Even in a big crowd you always know whose faces to head for and you always feel the same thing when you get there. Kind of homecoming. That doesn't go away does it.

Steve.
Jan/14/2010, 3:24 am Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Steve,

I can't believe you wouldn't want me to read this...
 
There is sort of the history here. Several of us go back to Lily when we had a lot of discussion about personal writing (confessional). I got a lot braver about trying out that form of writing. Now I try a lot of different things. The "I" or the "she" could be me or a fiction or quite often a mix. But I am drawn to writing that seems very real from someone's personal experience.

When I read someone else's writing I always try to address it as "the narrator" even though sometimes you can totally feel when something is straight from someone's life. And it can feel clinical to respond to the poem and not the person.

Pat is a sensitive kitten and a wise one to check things out first.
Jan/14/2010, 5:05 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


I hope you don't mind, Steveman. Pat says: "That said, I have to say that I am most comfortable posting on small boards like this one now. I understand the need/desire for growth, more poets to post and respond, but I know their arrival will make me more cautious...until I watch for a while, get a feel for them and become relaxed again. Hope that makes sense and is not taken as a negative about expanding. It's just relates to me, the way I feel...my trust and comfort level. Even my bad, perhaps."

I share the concern. Maybe more than anyone else I want realness on this board, what only happens when we are all one on one and free and not looking over our backs. This board will not become a megaboard. I am pretty confident the right tone has been set for a salon like setting.

Back to your poem, Steveman. What Wrenfriend says about the Lily Board days (man, you should have been there) brings to mind something Joyce said and I read when I was all but unlettered. He said this. "The supreme question of a work of art is: from how deep a life does it spring?"

Your poem kind of touches that nerve.

Tere
Jan/14/2010, 9:35 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


I did briefly join Lily's board, but I wasn't in the right space for it at the time so only made a couple of posts and never posted any poems. I think I was way too frantically engaged with trying to make tcp.org work at the time to really take on anything else in the way of board interaction.

Anyway, it's okay to be freaked out by one's poetry, I think. Maybe we should all find our own stuff a bit uncomfortable and scary...

I kind of bounce between this idea and then the various ideas I have of developing more complex stuff. My ideal thing is to combine them; but in doing so I invariably lose the immediacy of the totally honest stuff, as it starts to come across like just another voice in a psychodrama. That's sort of a problem I haven't resolved yet. But then, who says that's a problem? Oh, er, yeah, that was me... uh...

  emoticon

Steve.
Jan/18/2010, 6:51 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Steve-
I don't have anything meaningful to say. I just thought I would let you know I keep coming back and reading this. It has a sharp simplicity, yet is complex.

Thanks for the read.
-s
Jan/27/2010, 2:51 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: red/wine/song


Thanks for that, Deepshabs. I'm glad you are finding it worth re-reading.

Steve.
Jan/27/2010, 8:45 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 


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