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deepwaters Profile
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From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


From the Darkness
]By Forough Farrokhzad
(from her third volume of poetry: Another Birth)



From the darkness
I called you
there was silence, a breeze
carrying the curtain
in the gloomy sky
a star was burning
a star was passing through
another star was dying
I called your name

I called you
and my whole being
like a bowl of milk
was held in my palms
moon’s blue glances
bounced off the glass

a sad song
was rising like smoke
from cricket town
like smoke, it was sliding
along the windows

all night, there
in the center of my chest
someone with despair
was panting
someone would get up
someone would ask for you
two cold hands
would push her back
again and again

all night, there
from black branches
sorrow would drip
someone would fall behind
someone would call out to you
air, like debris
would collapse on her

my small tree
was in love with the wind
the destitute wind
where does the wind live?
where does the wind live?




Last edited by deepwaters, Feb/1/2010, 4:42 pm
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Terreson Profile
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


I can't know how true to Forough the translation is obviously. I can say she is working in the range of the Persian mystic poet, Hafiz. Either she was or you are. Or maybe you both are.

What blows me away is a tradition like this keeping alive, vital, and affecting. I could get pedantic and prove the point. But I don't want to. Anyone can google Hafiz, google Forough, and make their own comparisons.

Shabfriend I think I note fidelity to the poem structure more so than in your other translations. Yes/No?

Tere
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deepwaters Profile
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


quote:

Terreson wrote:
Shabfriend I think I note fidelity to the poem structure more so than in your other translations. Yes/No?
Tere



Yes! I am amazed that you could tell. I am testing the boundaries on smaller poems to see how far I can bend, and how far is it good to bend or not.

Jan/20/2010, 1:44 am Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


Shab,

I think this reads very well. Whatever boundary bending you are doing (or not doing) is working. Perhaps one small suggestion--drop "the" in this line: "the destitute wind". I like the simple elegance in this poem. I also like reading it, as Tere has suggested, in line with the mystic tradition.

Jan/20/2010, 11:44 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


Kat-

Thanks for commenting. Could you elaborate on your suggestion a little? I occasionally struggle with the use of definite article, the. I decided on using the article because I wanted to communicate the following sense - my little tree was in love with the [sign in to see URL], that wind, that wind who is a destitute, a hobo, a wanderer. What do you think? Also, now I am leaning towards replacing "small tree" with little tree.

Thanks very much.
-s
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


Shab,

I thought that was what you were going for actually. Keep the article in then, or maybe put in "that":

"my small tree
was in love with the wind
that destitute wind
where does the wind live?
where does the wind live?"

My suggestion was more for making the line more emotionally evocative (to my ear), and I thought eliminating one "the" might do that, but it would also undercut the specific nature of the wind you are trying to convey.
Jan/20/2010, 8:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


hm. I do like "that" better actually. Thanks!
-s
Jan/21/2010, 8:36 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


Shab,

I just reread this: What a beautiful poem; I love it, just as it is. I know the state of mind and heart this poem speaks to. It reminds me of two other poets, whose words on the topic also speak to me and which I also love: Jane Kenyon and Leonard Cohen.

I hope you don't mind, I am going to save these to a word doc, so I can print them up.

Last edited by Katlin, Mar/1/2010, 10:17 pm
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


P.S. I hear the Sufi poets in this too. I find that reading these poems makes my heart very open and tender. The image that comes to me is of an ear of corn being stripped of the husk to reveal the moist, sweet kernels.
Mar/1/2010, 10:21 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: From the Darkness (Forough Farrokhzad)


quote:

Katlin wrote:
I hope you don't mind, I am going to save these to a word doc, so I can print them up.



of course, I don't mind. it makes me happy that you are enjoying them.


quote:

The image that comes to me is of an ear of corn being stripped of the husk to reveal the moist, sweet kernels.]/quote]
just beautiful.
Mar/4/2010, 11:31 am Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 


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