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deepwaters Profile
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I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


This poem is still from the same volume that all translations so far have been from Another Birth. Critiques are welcomed.

I will greet the Sun once more
By Forough Farrokhzad
(from her third volume of poetry: Another Birth)


I will greet the Sun once more
I will greet the stream that was flowing through me
the clouds that were my long-
stretched thoughts
the painful growth of poplars
who accompanied me through the dry seasons
the flocks of crows
who offered me the gift of a farm’s scent at night
the mother who was my life’s mirror
and looked like my old self
I will greet
the earth whose internal inferno
was packed with green seeds, with lust of my repetition
I am coming, am coming, coming
with my tresses, an extension of aromas from underground
with my eyes, thick experiences in darkness
with the tumbleweed I picked at the groves
on the other side of the wall
I am coming, am coming, coming,
the threshold fills with love
and I, in that threshold,
will greet those who love
and the girl who is, still,
standing in that full-of-love threshold
I will greet her once more


Last edited by deepwaters, Feb/1/2010, 4:41 pm
Jan/28/2010, 6:46 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Oh, Shab, I got a shiver when I read this. Considering how young Forough was when she died and the circumstances of her death, this strikes me as premonition poem and such a beautiful one. This is my favorite translation so far. I love this poem. I'll come back later to reread and see if there are any tweaks to offer.
Jan/28/2010, 8:24 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Whoa. This one trips open the tear ducts. It happened right here:

the mother who was my life’s mirror
and looked like my old self
I will greet
the earth whose internal inferno
was packed with green seeds, with lust of my repetition
I am coming, am coming, coming


Did she really say it this way, Shabfriend? An "internal inferno"? "with lust of my / repetition"?

I read the words and I kind of went blind for a second. Heart stopped.

I'll come back later in a more clinical frame of mind. But this is the sort of poetry that keeps me to the wheel.

Tere
Jan/28/2010, 8:47 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Tere,

I teared up too! Had to stop reading as well. My breath got sucked away. And at that exact point too. Whoa, is right.
Jan/28/2010, 8:52 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Tere & Kat,
Thank you both for your feedback.

quote:

Terreson wrote:
Did she really say it this way, Shabfriend? An "internal inferno"? "with lust of my / repetition"?


Well, she says something about "earth’s tumultuous inside", which I thought "internal inferno" represented well.
“lust of my repetition” is pretty much her wording.

I hesitated about posting this poem, wondering if it would come through or it would seem simple and bizarre. I am so pleased you liked it.

Looking forward to hearing your tweaking suggestions.
-s
Jan/28/2010, 11:49 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


quote:

Terreson wrote:

Whoa. This one trips open the tear ducts. It happened right here:

the mother who was my life’s mirror
and looked like my old self
I will greet
the earth whose internal inferno
was packed with green seeds, with lust of my repetition
I am coming, am coming, coming


Did she really say it this way, Shabfriend? An "internal inferno"? "with lust of my / repetition"?



One thing I forgot to say was that in the original, Forough has "I am coming, I am coming, I am coming" and I modified it as above for two reasons: first, I thought it sounded a bit too orgasmic in English; second, the sound and rhythm of the full phrases didn't work as well as it did in Farsi. Just thought I would mention it, in case you have some thoughts about that.
Jan/30/2010, 4:41 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Keep it as is, Shab. It still comes across as orgasmic. But how is experience fully comprehended if not sexually? Your Hafiz, and every other mystic, including St Theresa and Mirabai, are my teachers on the point. (If only I knew Sanscrit well enough to translate Mirabai's love poetry to Krishna, her Dark One.)

Tere
Jan/30/2010, 5:20 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Thanks, Tere. It will stay as is. At least for now emoticon
Jan/31/2010, 3:06 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Hi Shab,

Coming back to this poem to say I have no nits. I like the way you have translated the line: "I am coming, am coming, coming." To me the line has more nuance and resonance than if you had written, "I am coming, I am coming, I am coming." I don't think the poem is bizarre at all, and if it is simple, than it is deceptively so.
Feb/3/2010, 4:02 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: I Will Greet the Sun Once More (Forough)


Thanks, Kat, for confirming the choice I made. It is a deceptive poem; you are absolutely right.
Feb/4/2010, 4:08 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 


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