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ChrisD1 Profile
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carry on beginning


each morning
the fish-fry kitchen
is dropped into an apron
pocket with holes for
the bones to fall through

the arrangement of first things
is repeated

naked and new birthed
slick as a wet blade of grass

and you say yes to
the arrangement
always adding yes
like a small blue tile

without which the sky
would collapse.

Last edited by ChrisD1, Feb/4/2010, 10:42 pm
Feb/3/2010, 12:57 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Chris,

I like this poem. A lot. It seems to me a perfect combination of the everyday and the the slant. I am hooked at the end of S1 by the hole in the apron pocket. Love the yes in S4. This poem reminds me of Dickinson and Molly Bloom. Strange bedfellows perhaps. Yes, carry on while the whole world falls through the hole in an apron's pocket.

Thank you for posting.
Feb/3/2010, 5:26 pm Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Thank you Kat, for the affirmation. I wonder what you think of S3. It tastes a little off to me.

Chris
Feb/4/2010, 9:09 am Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
eman resu Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Hi, Chris,

Glad I came across this today. Enjoyed the read very much. I think the format -- the linebreaks in S1, the "hole" after the tile which patches the sky -- is especially effective.

I see you've brought up S3 upthread. Yeah, I think it is a little awkward; I have trouble pinpointing new birthed (though I appreciate the emphasis on the act and not the thing) -- are we looking at something 'new' or at the same thing happening again? Is it just birthed (again...but only again from our POV)?

But we could go round and round with that, right? Like I wrote, I enjoyed it.

Best,
E_





 
Feb/4/2010, 6:25 pm Link to this post Send Email to eman resu   Send PM to eman resu
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Welcome to the board, E,

Thank you for your comments. "just," as opposed to "new," makes sense if those lines are kept...they may get axed. Glad you enjoyed.

Chris
Feb/4/2010, 7:28 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


This is a poem. But like I would have so hyphenated fish-fry-kitchen, since, it is a noun. Otherwise I'm led to believe that fish can fry kitchens, which makes no sense of the next line.

Third strophe actually comes across as my favorite. It is loosey-goosy, sexy, and inviting. Suggestive too. I am okay with the Molly Bloom yes thing the poem employs.

Tere
Feb/4/2010, 9:42 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


What's the Molly Bloom thing?
Very curious synchroncity. I recently had a dream about fish bones and it is like too much info to describe but I learned that fish are supposed to be a symbol of femininity and the bones in my dream made me think of back bones sort of offering support. So I took it to be about strengthening my female aspects. I read this poem the same way.

each morning
the fish-fry kitchen
is dropped into an apron
pocket with holes for
the bones to fall through//so I wonder if this could be like losing ones strength?

the arrangement of first things
is repeated//this leads me to many questions or ideas or ways of reading. I think of this like morning how you start each day new

naked and new birthed
slick as a wet blade of grass//I guess I can imagine dew on the grass in the morning. The blade seems more male to me like a knife. I'm not sure how this goes with new birthed

and you say yes to
the arrangement
always adding yes
like a small blue tile

without which the sky
would collapse.//I love the imagery of the last two stanzas. Very cool how one tiny yes holds everything together. The merging of interior and exterior worlds
Feb/6/2010, 5:31 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


hi Caroline,

Thank you for your response to this. I hadn't thought of it as particularly 'female'
in its POV, but it certainly could be read that way--the rest of your comments are very close to the impulse I was following; not that it matters. Here's the Molly Bloom thing from the end of James Joyce's "Ulysses":

"...and then I asked him with my eyes to ask
again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my
mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and
drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume
yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."

Gorgeous, huh? Like they should have taken the word "yes" and retired its jersey (at least from literature) after that was written. It was not my intention to echo this Yes in my little poem. More like Cohen's "Hallelujah," kinda down-sized, maybe a little cold and broken but necessary just the same.

Chris
Feb/6/2010, 5:59 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Terreson Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Chrisfriend I did something similar to Joyce's Molly Bloom chapter in my first novel. The imitation was deliberate and so much fun. It amounted to a run on sentence that, as I recall, covered two pages, using commas and three or four semi-colons. Or was it just one? Might have been. It is about the night two lovers, and having circled each other for months, finally feel familiar enough to consumate their love. It starts with them returning to his garret of an apartment and ends sometime just before dawn, having made love through out the night. Only the leit motif was not "yes". Don't ask me why but "running" occurred to me, as in they were running, and running to catch each other again, running the way two lovers when running because their bodies felt good together in the way bodies can find each other when running to stave off the dawn....

That sort of thing. And boy was it fun. Anyway, no matter what you had in mind the poem works for me. Even if I think I need to get better at figuring out what you have in mind.

Tere
Feb/6/2010, 6:28 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


hi Tere,

I hate approaching someone's poem like it's a test of my ability to decipher the writer's intentions. And even if I 'get' the poem, I might not communicate what it is I'm 'getting' very well, so that's minus 10 points for me. I guess in a work-shop setting, it helps to know what one's stuff is actually communicating to actual people, that's one of the most helpful things about this. But I don't think it's a test of the reader. So not to worry about that.

Funny you used the word "running" when the lovers finally got together. Now I'd have thought "stopping," maybe even "resting." Must be getting very old.

Chris
Feb/7/2010, 9:20 am Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Chris –

While my experience with your poetry often involves reading and re-reading and re-re-reading before the meaning or intention seeps into my thick skull, I always find it such a worthwhile effort; there is always a treat waiting for me. Here are some thoughts:

each morning
the fish-fry kitchen
is dropped into an apron
pocket with holes for
the bones to fall through

honestly, I am mesmerized by this stanza, even though I have no clue what the bones falling through means. I would like to though.

the arrangement of first things
is repeated

my interpretation of this is basically the title.

naked and new birthed
slick as a wet blade of grass

1. “new birthed” sounds awkward to my ear. 2. I like L2 a lot. 3. I am not sure what this stanza is saying – that every beginning is naked and new, like a wet blade of grass?

and you say yes to
the arrangement
always adding yes
like a small blue tile

without which the sky
would collapse.

Fantastic ending. One that I keep reading and it is already committed to memory.

Don’t know if any of this helpful to you. Thanks for the read.
-s

Feb/7/2010, 6:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
SteveParker Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Hi, Chris. What a drab and scintillating little poem. I got some thoughts to upload.

each morning
the fish-fry kitchen
is dropped into an apron
pocket with holes for
the bones to fall through

Do you need 'to fall through'? It basically adds half a relative clause in non-poetic language after a very poetic opening. I dunno, but it doesn't feel quite right to me having a preposition flailing there at the end. I can see why you want the image of them dropping through, but I think if it was me I would want to recast the sentence so that it didn't end quite like that. It might be too English (I mean English) for your taste, but I would probably consider something like 'through which the bones can fall'. I'm not sure anyway. Maybe it's fine as it is. I'm just throwing it out.

the arrangement of first things
is repeated

This could be accused of being exegesis, of explaining to the reader what the poem is about rather than dragging him/her into it and making it experiential. In trad terms one might say this is Tell and not Show. I don't know if that matters much any more, so that's also just a suggestion for something to consider.

naked and new birthed
slick as a wet blade of grass

I don't like that bit much as it seems too routine. These words frequently appear together: naked, new, birth, slick, wet...

and you say yes to
the arrangement
always adding yes
like a small blue tile

without which the sky
would collapse.

I'd lose the full stop/period at the end, but apart from that I like that idea of the eternal tiler keeping the sky in place. I think it says a lot about women actually, and their often unapplauded roles in society and families and workplaces. This poem reminds me of lots of female characters I met while growing up in Liverpool. Lots of vibrant and long-suffering working class women with aprons full of bones, and all of them (as was very obvious to me by about age 6) holding the sky in place. Men did something different, and something less reliable. It was often exciting, but you were never in any doubt who was really holding the sky up.

Thanks for the read. I dunno if I got what you meant, but it took me right back to Liverpool in the 60s and all my old, wonderful matriarchs.

Steve.
Feb/14/2010, 6:38 pm Link to this post Send Email to SteveParker   Send PM to SteveParker
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Shab,

Thank you for your comments, I'm sorry it took me so long to acknowledge your take which I always value. Thanks for registering
that S3 doesn't sit quite right.

Steve,

re: S3, that is my own objection, like I said, "send me two lines of poetry from central casting," and that's what I got.

Caroline commented on the "female aspects" too. "old, wonderful matriarchs," nice.

As for flailing prepositions and exegesis--all grist for the mill, huh?

Thanks,

Chris
Feb/14/2010, 7:23 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
Katlin Profile
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Re: carry on beginning


Hi Chris,

Coming back to throw in my 2 cents about S3. I was not bothered by it in the same way others are, but, then again, you know I like to walk the picket line between central casting and recasting, so I'm not the best casting director when it comes to such things. In the glare of that spotlight, I offer these two tweaks:

arrangement of first things
repeated

naked and new birthed
wet as a slick blade of grass
or: wet as a blade of slick grass

Use or refuse. Fading now to black. emoticon
Feb/15/2010, 11:25 am Link to this post Send Email to Katlin   Send PM to Katlin
 


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