Runboard.com
You're welcome.
Community logo






runboard.com       Sign up (learn about it) | Sign in (lost password?)

 
carolinex Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
a bagels and cream cheese faux pas


Counter Nymph

I perch on the kitchen counter
a fairy child with wings
just a wisp, in my diaphonous veil

Three older brothers seated on stools
argue as our rosy-cheeked mother
refills empty plates
with more bagels and cream cheese

Strike out, someone lets loose a loud roar
and they all laugh
 
I cartwheel off the ledge
and spin into a spider
as big as my mother's hand
where I land as she washes dishes
without looking
she brushes me off

Into a dark cupboard
with the warm scent of cinnamon
unnoticed, but autonomous

Last edited by carolinex, Feb/5/2010, 6:13 pm
Feb/5/2010, 6:03 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
carolinex Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: a bagels faux pas


Sam's post got me thinking about my fart problem poem. So--I originally had "fart" instead of "let's loose a loud roar". My friend said (quite emphatically) I can't use fart in this poem because it takes over the whole sense of the poem, but I don't much like this alternative. Maybe I need to go for some other cruditie?
Feb/5/2010, 6:07 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
Terreson Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: a bagels and cream cheese faux pas


See the kind of subversive behavior that Aussie starts up?

If I could find faults with the poem I would pick at them like a scab. I don't. The metamorphosizing particularly works. Am loving the domestic scene set too. Got a question about intention. Does the title involve a double entendre? Sure, I can see the little girl sitting on a kitchen's counter, keeping some tinker bell distance from the belicose boys. But I can also see a counter-nymph when tinker bell lets rip a big one and so loses a certain measure of ephemeral status. I can't know. The poem is rightfully ambiguous about who farted that night.

Another thought. Lets rip might be a more earthy colloquialism than lets loose.

Tere
Feb/5/2010, 7:30 pm Link to this post Send Email to Terreson   Send PM to Terreson
 
carolinex Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info



Reply | Quote
Re: a bagels and cream cheese faux pas


Really? I was thinking the whole poem would have to set for a long time until I worked out a solution to that.

That's funny. I meant for it to be one of the brothers but the ambiguity might be good. I think I had a different draft where I changed that part to "one of them".

I may also have changed: "and spin into a spider". But I can't remember. I wonder if that part is clear enough?

Thank you again Tere Bear.
Feb/6/2010, 5:18 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 


Add a reply





You are not logged in (login)