carry on beginning (revised) https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/t917 Runboard| carry on beginning (revised) en-us Thu, 28 Mar 2024 17:31:51 +0000 Thu, 28 Mar 2024 17:31:51 +0000 https://www.runboard.com/ rssfeeds_managingeditor@runboard.com (Runboard.com RSS feeds managing editor) rssfeeds_webmaster@runboard.com (Runboard.com RSS feeds webmaster) akBBS 60 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6059,from=rss#post6059https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6059,from=rss#post6059Kat, Thank you for stopping in again. I've made the line its own stanza as you suggested. Auto, Thanks for coming back and your suggestions, both of which make good sense. I don't want the reader to feel lost but I don't want to limit or foreclose an interpretation either. I'm fascinated by Buddhism but I'm not a Buddhist--I can't discipline myself to meditate. I'm a slob, I admire you. Chrisnondisclosed_email@example.com (Christine98)Fri, 23 Apr 2010 13:15:56 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6057,from=rss#post6057https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6057,from=rss#post6057Hi, Thanks for the clues, C. I think it would help a lot to add a new line 3: "from the night before", because otherwise, without your explanation, we're lost. Also, in such a short poem, the "you" is misleading as we can't tell it's really "I". I would just go with first person. As a buddhist myself I appreciate the spiritual underpinnings here and actually would like to see the poem expanded to make them stronger. Take care, Autonondisclosed_email@example.com (pjouissance)Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:31:49 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6055,from=rss#post6055https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6055,from=rss#post6055Chris, I know from frying fish that whatever clothes I was wearing at the time smell like fish the next day. Your explanation was helpful to me. I think of lemons to cut the smell of fish and see the lemons as small symbols of the sun. I noticed that in the original these lines are set apart as one stanza: "the arrangement of first things is repeated" Wondering if that arrangement might be kept and "three lemons in the light filled bowl" set aside as its own stanza? It would slow the poem down and make the line pivotal, a turning point for what is to follow.    nondisclosed_email@example.com (Katlin)Fri, 23 Apr 2010 11:13:28 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6049,from=rss#post6049https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6049,from=rss#post6049hi Auto, The poem is trying to capture my sense of the every-day courage/commitment it takes to carry on. Also the Buddhist notion of the possibility of beginning that is inherent in each moment. Also my own ineffable yet palpable awareness of possibility and newness upon awakening--I'm a very early riser. Ever fry fish for dinner? Even if I wash all the dishes before I go to bed, there's that fishy carry-over the next day. It's like no matter what you cooked up the day before, no matter what a mess you made in the kitchen, you can and really must continue...that's the arrangement...so you step up and anti-up and stay in the game. It's the only game in town. I kind of hate to explain my poetry; not because it hurts my pride but because some impulse at the heart of the poem can never be put into words. I'm glad you liked the new line; now that you have my explanation, do you think it works? Thanks again, Chrisnondisclosed_email@example.com (Christine98)Fri, 23 Apr 2010 08:59:59 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6043,from=rss#post6043https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6043,from=rss#post6043Hi, Christine, I admire the compression and restraint here. I only wish I could figure out what lines two through five mean. A fish-fry? Hot breaded fish? A whole kitchen into an apron? The image isn't catching me yet, and I'm sure these lines are crucial to the meaning. Maybe we could help more if you told us what the poem is about. I'm puzzled, although the other lines give me an impression of someone who needs the constant affirmation of another. But it's more than that, I'm sure. The lines about the lemons in the bowl are lovely; I wouldn't change those. Thanks for the posting, Auto nondisclosed_email@example.com (pjouissance)Thu, 22 Apr 2010 23:07:53 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6023,from=rss#post6023https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6023,from=rss#post6023hey Zak, Thanks for your input, it's always appreciated. This one's on a back burner for a while. Chrisnondisclosed_email@example.com (Christine98)Wed, 21 Apr 2010 21:59:47 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6017,from=rss#post6017https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p6017,from=rss#post6017Christine, Not sure about this. Seems like you're still waiting for a resolution between the first and second versions. I also can't decide. The second version's second stanza seems disassociated somehow. Maybe I'm not getting it about the holes in the apron. It might be that either you or I (the reader) can't quite decide how concrete or symbolic this poem should be. As I said, it might be myself, the reader. Thanks for posting. Zak nondisclosed_email@example.com (Zakzzz5)Wed, 21 Apr 2010 06:40:51 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5938,from=rss#post5938https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5938,from=rss#post5938Thanks Kat, Those two lines in the original won't do. Maybe just remove them--but something needs conveying/amplifying--it helps to know the revision isn't working. Chrisnondisclosed_email@example.com (Christine98)Mon, 12 Apr 2010 10:50:35 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5921,from=rss#post5921https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5921,from=rss#post5921Chris, Throwing my 2 cents into the mix: I also like the original more. nondisclosed_email@example.com (Katlin)Sun, 11 Apr 2010 15:51:31 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5910,from=rss#post5910https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5910,from=rss#post5910Thanks Tere, Back to the drawing board. Chrisnondisclosed_email@example.com (Christine98)Sun, 11 Apr 2010 08:38:23 +0000 Re: carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5909,from=rss#post5909https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5909,from=rss#post5909The original version more engages, pulls me in. Terenondisclosed_email@example.com (Terreson)Sat, 10 Apr 2010 20:54:06 +0000 carry on beginning (revised)https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5897,from=rss#post5897https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/p5897,from=rss#post5897each morning the fish-fry kitchen is dropped into an apron pocket with holes for the bones to fall through the arrangement of first things is repeated three lemons in the light filled bowl and you say yes to the arrangement always adding yes like a small blue tile without which the sky would collapse original: each morning the fish-fry kitchen is dropped into an apron pocket with holes for the bones to fall through the arrangement of first things is repeated naked and new birthed slick as a wet blade of grass and you say yes to the arrangement always adding yes like a small blue tile without which the sky would collapse nondisclosed_email@example.com (Christine98)Fri, 09 Apr 2010 13:06:30 +0000