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ChrisD1 Profile
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OCTA


Bump along bus like a log
on a jumbled river.
Driver sits high, a bump on a bus.
Young man standing short
fifty cents. Forearm flat, palm
down on thigh, turns up, waves
back three times on elbow hinge.

Suppose a book of deeds
somewhere this waving of the fare.





Last edited by ChrisD1, Nov/22/2008, 12:03 pm
Nov/17/2008, 11:06 am Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
carolinex Profile
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Re: OCTA


I like how you create a poem of a moment Chris. I wonder what the technical problem with changing the title was.

I don't understand this:

Suppose a book of deeds
somewhere this waving of the fare.

Nov/21/2008, 2:46 pm Link to this post Send PM to carolinex
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: OCTA


hi Caroline,

Thanks for stopping by. Just a thought re: how
the common-place and not-so-common-place co-exist.

cheers,

Chris
Nov/22/2008, 12:07 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 
deepwaters Profile
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Re: OCTA


Hi Chris -
I am not sure I understand this piece, nevertheless I always enjoy your writing. a couple of half-baked thoughts:

quote:

ChrisD1 wrote:

Bump along bus like a log
on a jumbled river.like this a lot. a good start for me, metaphorically and literally
Driver sits high, a bump on a bus. the second use of 'bump' made me wrinkle my nose.
Young man standing short
fifty cents. Forearm flat, palm
down on thigh, turns up, waves
back three times on elbow hinge. this whole passage is greatly done. i like the different interpretations of the first line, the simplicity of the wave expressed mechanically. it works well.

Suppose a book of deeds
somewhere this waving of the fare. i am sitting on that same boat with caroline, looking for the shore emoticon




thanks for the read.
-shab

Nov/23/2008, 3:56 pm Link to this post Send Email to deepwaters   Send PM to deepwaters
 
ChrisD1 Profile
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Re: OCTA


shab,

It's good to see you here. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reading of this poem. I think it is the poem and not your comments which is half baked--posted too soon.

Anyway, "bump on a bus", was a play on the expression that goes something like this: "don't just sit there like a bump on a log." Your wrinkled nose tells me that this is just too cute by half.

As for the last two lines; I remember hearing somewhere that what we do is written in a book, in other words we are judged ultimately by our deeds. Lately I've been noticing that the small, unspectacular stuff moves me the most.

This one goes back in the oven.

thanks again,

Chris
Nov/24/2008, 1:24 pm Link to this post Send Email to ChrisD1   Send PM to ChrisD1
 


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