|
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
goes the rhyme
in all its chime.
The way they went up to fetch a pail of water
tells us there was shortage of water
in those places less hotter
the ancient age faced hardships also matters
Brush not the nursery rhyme as simple
it illustrates with an example
Jack fell down in a tumble
and broke his crown in a fumble.
Water has turned a rare commodity
with the global warming in the vicinity
foretold in the song of infinity
a caution which signifies great curiosity.
|
Apr/14/2014, 11:30 am
|
Link to this post
Send Email to Meenas
Send PM to Meenas
Blog
|
|
Re: Jack and Jill
Hi Meenas and welcome to delectablemnts!
Thank you for posting your poem; I'll be back with comments but wanted to welcome you and encourage you to look around--your comments on others' posts are also most welcome,
Chris
|
Apr/15/2014, 3:16 pm
|
Link to this post
Send Email to Christine98
Send PM to Christine98
|
|
Re: Jack and Jill
Welcome to the board, Meenas. Looking forward to getting to know your poetry.
I like the idea of this poem. And, agreed. In fairy tales, nursery rhymes, and such, there are always the layers and layered stories. Prosodically, poem doesn't quite work for me. End rhyme schemes are difficult to pull off successfully. Such schemes can sit lively on the ear or deadening. Quatrain 3 is the only one in which rhyme choice comes across in the lively way. You might also want to give more attention to meter, to stress and rest, so to speak.
Thanks for posting. Look forward to more poems and any thoughts you might have.
Tere
|
Apr/19/2014, 2:15 pm
|
Link to this post
Send Email to Terreson
Send PM to Terreson
|